Tag Archives: cleavage

Is That A Squirrel In Your Bra?

We never saw this on “Law & Order.” While a detective was interviewing this woman as a character witness for a murder suspect, he got a big surprise—she was carrying a living squirrel in her cleavage! Every time the little rodent popped out of her breasts, she shoved him back in… as if this were a completely normal thing. Now Miss, may I suggest that if you wanted a squirrel to stay in your cleavage, maybe you should not have worn such an ill-fitting, low-cut shirt? And who can trust a woman with a squirrel living between her breasts? Keep reading »

Paint Your Own Boobies With “My Beautiful Breasts Body Sculpting Kit”

Throughout the ages women have gone to great pains to get showstopping and eye-dropping cleavage. The corset was rough, stuffed-toilet paper bras were prone to discovery and the push-up bra is just a bit too obvious. According to the peeps from My Beautiful Breasts, however, your cleavage woes are over. This kit ain’t just your average bra-filling and lifting, ladies. We are talking about painting on your boobies, or lack thereof.

We’ve scene this trick before: use makeup to create contours on our bust line the same way we use bronzer to fake sharper cheekbones or those weird airbrushing techniques that create faux six-pack abs. Except, this ain’t just a wish of bronzer we are talking about. Eye shadow and blush come off pretty easy, but the bust stain can stay on for up to five days! And, maybe I am just bitter because I can’t draw a stick figure, but painting-on your boobies sounds pretty complicated and complex. Chances are I would mess it up and have some pretty busted looking buhbies for a week.

I think I’ll just stick to toilet paper, thank you very much. [$69, My Beautiful Breasts Kit, ItCosmetics.com]

Keep reading »

What The Hell Is A Cleavage Facial?

We’ve heard of face facials. But cleavage facials? Is there really that much you can do to pretty up what your mama gave you?

A UK writer scoped out the cleavage facial in which a spa professional massaged “bust uplifting serums” onto her breasts, followed by a rose oil hydrating mask. Alas, she wrote, the cleavage facial didn’t make her bust appear perkier, but she wasn’t complaining, saying it felt like “75 minutes of pure indulgence.”

We’re not convinced the cleavage facial is legit. Still, it couldn’t hurt to practice, especially with a male aesthetician … [Daily Mail U.K.] Keep reading »

How To Make Your Rack The Center Of Attention

Veronica Valter, of Million Dollar Looks, wrote an awesome story called “7 Tips For Women With A Big Bust.” While her advice, from getting bras that fit to swimsuits with cup support, was all good, it was a little too modest for girl like me with big ta-ta’s who likes her bragging rights. If I wanted to lessen the impact of my golden globes, I would have gotten a breast reduction like our babelicious Wendy. Her new sweater kittens are sweet and really prove that any titty committee is sexy. Well, I’ve got some tips of my own, and I think they work on melons, both big and small. But they do require one special size — a gigantic amount of confidence. Especially if you’re stacked, there is just no hiding them. So why try to conceal what was made to be revealed? With that ethos, here is my advice for making your tits the center of attention!

1. Make-Up: This tip is the gospel truth I learned from the Queen of Cleave herself, Dolly Parton. We all pay so much attention to evening the skin on our face, but what about our boobs?! After all, all eyes are on them — even if you’re surrounded by a band, Kenny Rogers, back up singers, and giant sparkly set pieces. So, use powder or bronzer and, in some cases, even blush, to make your cleavage pop and match the tan on your face. Now, think twice about using something extreme like foundation; it’s only for those times when you have a blemish to hide and, even then, use sparingly. No one wants to peel off your bra and see a painted tan line…or worse yet, eat that bad make-up job! Keep reading »

Style On The Street: Three’s Company

Isn’t the girl on the left intense? Especially her dress’s neckline. The girl in the middle knows what’s going on. Red trenches are one of the 10 best articles of clothing ever created. And on the right, the whole striped-shirt peaking out of jacket-sleeves thing is a nice touch. [Trender Bender] Keep reading »

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