When I saw an online ad that said, “Seeking Elves For Seasonal Position,” I admit, I was pretty excited. Not only did I fill out the application and provide a full resume, I also attached a cover letter with reasons why I would make the perfect elf:
“With over six years of experience working with children, I have full confidence in my ability to be an asset to your elf team!”
In my defense, even as a freshman in college, I was still a big kid inside. I was envisioning my elf experience to be like a scene out of an iconic Christmas movie. I would hand out candy canes to smiling kiddies, hoist little boys and girls onto Santa’s lap, listen to bubbly recitations of toy-filled Christmas wish lists, and push gleeful children down a slide into a sea of puffy, cotton clouds. As a Christmas elf, I would have the power to make so many childhood wishes come true. I would be part of the spirit of Christmas!
I showed up to the first day of training at Macy’s flagship New York City store. Getting in character, I practically skipped all the way there. When I entered through the huge golden doors of the mega-retailer, I was bombarded by sales people wearing Santa hats trying to sell me luxury bags I couldn’t afford, and the overwhelming scent of perfume.
“Where do I go for training for SantaLand?” I asked a sleepy looking security guard.
“You have to go through the employee entrance around the back,” he explained. Keep reading »
The holiday season means lots of family time, which means this is an extremely stressful, lonely time of year for people whose families don’t accept them. Unfortunately, for many LGBTQ people, living their truth means being shut out, judged, or mocked by close-minded family members. Hopefully all the homophobic moms out there will come around sooner rather than later (seriously folks, get it together), but in the meantime, a website called Your Holiday Mom is doing something to help ease the pain:
“This season, supportive moms (and dads, sisters, brothers, grandparents and friends too!) have gathered to send a holiday message to all LGBTQ children, teens and adults who are without family support and who would like a ‘stand-in Holiday family.’ Knowing that not every parent is ready to accept her own LGBTQ child exactly as-is (as hard as this is for us to imagine), we have written to extend our love beyond that of our own family.” Keep reading »
Why We Love It: Okay, this is quite possibly the most versatile sex toy ever. This vibrator opens up inside the vagina, causing stimulation on both the G-spot and the opposite vaginal wall. The wider the vagina, the wider the stimulator’s tips spread off due to the silicone’s elasticity. Its two tips allow it to function as a dual internal and external vibe, as an anal/vaginal vibe, a clitoral vibe and even a ball cradler or nipple stimulator. The possibilities are endless. [I own this one, you guys. Two thumbs up! -- Amelia] [$119.99, G-vibe Noir Limited Edition via Fun Toys] Keep reading »
People are always talking about how the holidays are a time for giving and blah, blah, blah. But what if you’re broke? Or too up to your ears in family stress to think about anything else? It’s OK, you can still give without engaging in heavy consumerism or abandoning your Christmas plans to volunteer at a soup kitchen (although that is a wonderful and generous thing to do). And don’t worry, we’re not going to suggest that you to smile at a stranger or bring your neighbor homemade, chicken noodle soup in a plaid thermos. This is real life, not a Folgers commercial. We know it’s not feasible to slave away over a crockpot during work hours, but it is totally possible to ask your co-worker if they want you to grab them lunch while you’re out — ask them for money, of course; we promised these things would be free! Here are 25 little ways to give this holiday season that cost nothing and might leave you feeling warm and fuzzy… Keep reading »
I already told you what I’m asking for, now it’s time for Elfowicz to get in the gifting spirit. Click through to see what I know I’m buying for my friends and loved ones. The rest of my presents will have to be … spontaneous.