“The first thing to know about your penis is, that despite the way it may see, it is not your penis. Ultimately, God created you and it is his penis. You are simply borrowing it for a while.
While His penis is on loan you must admit that it is sort of just hanging out there very lonely as if it needed a home, sort of like a man wondering the streets looking for a house to live in. Knowing that His penis would need a home, God created a woman to be your wife and when you marry her and look down you will notice that your wife is shaped differently than you and makes a very nice home. …
Therefore, if you are single you must remember that your penis is homeless and needs a home. But, though you may believe your hand is shaped like a home, it is not. And, though women other than your wife may look like a home, to rest there would be breaking into another man’s home. And, if you look at a man it is quite obvious that what a homeless man does not need is another man without a home.”
This brilliant chunk of wisdom comes from the mouth of Pastor Mark Driscoll (never trust a man wearing a beaded choker, I always say) of the Washington-based evangelical church Mars Hill, which recently announced it was shuttering several of its Pacific Northwest locations because of “financial difficulties” related to bad press. Bad press, huh? You mean people take issue with a religious leader referring to roughly 51 percent of the world’s population, specifically their vaginas, as “penis homes”? Personally, I would be offended if I didn’t find the whole thing so hilarious. Anyway, if a vagina is a penis home, what’s an asshole? A ski retreat in Aspen? Is my mouth a house upstate? DISCUSS. [Death & Taxes]
I was 25 when I kissed someone for the first time.
I’d met him at a local book club, and we hit it off almost instantly. Our first date started at eight p.m. and ended shortly after one a.m. Though we’d planned a second official date for the following Tuesday, we ended up hanging out every evening for the next few days. I was smitten, he was smitten, and it wasn’t long before we were A Thing.
Two months later, I moved to Chicago and we broke up. But before all that happened, before this relationship went down in the flaming ball of pain that plagues so many long distance relationships, we had several wonderful evenings together. We watched movies, went out to eat, walked through parks, and, yes, fooled around on his small loveseat in his apartment.
In the technical sense, I never actually “lost” my virginity (at least not with him). But I no longer felt like a virgin because I was now sexually experienced. And this was a problem for the culture I came from, because I had committed the greatest of all sins: I had engaged in premarital fooling around with someone. Keep reading »
Hoo boy. Have you heard that song “God Made Girls” by the country singer RaeLynn? She appeared as Racheal Lynn Woodward on season two of “The Voice” on Blake Shelton’s team. It’s a cheesy feel-good song like “Butterfly Kisses” for the millennial generation with just a pinch of Taylor Swift.
To be completely fair, on a baseline level I’m never going to see eye-to-eye with a Christian song that presumes there exists a God who made men/boys first and then got around to making women/girls (as it is told in the Bible, the first woman, Eve, is made from a rib of the first man, Adam). But hey, it’s a country song. Country songs are all about stories. That’s the premise here.
Even that concession, though, doesn’t improve the message of “God Made Girls,” which appears to be: GEE, IT’S A GOOD THING BOYS HAVE GIRLS AROUND TO MAKE THEM FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEINGS. Keep reading »
Sudan has freed Meriam Yehya Ibrahim, a Sudanese woman who was sentenced to 100 lashes and death by hanging for not renouncing her Christian faith. Ibrahim was born to a Muslim father but was raised Christian, and then married a Christian man. Sudan lives under Sharia law and considers women the same religion as their father and relationships with non-Muslim men as “adultery.” It charged Ibrahim with apostasy and adultery and sentenced her to death while she was pregnant. Last month, Ibrahim gave birth to her second child while in prison. Today, her lawyer announced Ibrahim has been freed, claiming the initial judgment against her was “faulty.” Now she, her two children and her husband are reunited. It’s nice to read some good news for once. [CNN]