Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s divorce, excuse me, conscious uncoupling may sound full of good, peaceful vibes, but a SHOCKING new report from In Touch (grain of salt, blah blah blah) suggests otherwise. According to the gossip mag, Martin was spotted taking his and Paltrow’s two kids, Moses and Apple, to a fast food restaurant where the three of them ate french fries. If that isn’t the most wonderfully specific passive aggressive move ever, I don’t know what is. Paltrow, after all, is a complete psycho about what goes into the temple that is her body and is no doubt as fastidious about what her children eat. Not that I’m advocating for fast food — generally, that shit is gross and bad for you — but it just tickles me that Martin, finally freed from Gwyneth’s oppressive food policies, might have been like, “Hey kids, who wants to consciously couple their stomach with some deep fried starch?” I still hate Coldplay, but damn, Chris has suddenly earned my admiration. [In Touch via Jezebel] [Photo: Fame/Flynet]
Since learning about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin’s decision to “consciously uncouple,” we’ve been trying to unpack the term in all its PC glory. It seems that similar to other areas of her life, Gwyneth will be superior when it comes to divorce. So, far we haven’t seen one inkling of sadness, ire or admission that either party was having an affair. Ahem.
According to an anonymous source who spilled the beans to the Daily Mail, even the couple’s decision to get divorced was beyond reproach. Allegedly, the couple agreed to split while vacationing on island of Eleuthera in the Bahamas and instead of exchanging bitter words, they exchanged gifts. The source claims that Chris gave Gwyneth a painting of a bird in flight by Mila Fürstová to “mark the new stage in their lives.” Keep reading »