My freshman year of college, I went on a date with a guy to a fancy restaurant in Manhattan. It was the kind of place with a white tablecloth, where a busboy scraped the crumbs off the table with a comb once your plates were removed and the maitre’d pulled out women’s chairs for them. That’s where I made my big statement: the maitre’d pulled out a chair for me and I walked around to the other chair, pulled it out for myself and sat down. I wasn’t just being rude; I thought I was making a point about how I — and by extension all women — didn’t need to be treated with chivalry. Keep reading »
Whether a man is opening the door for a woman, sliding the chair away from the table so she can sit down, paying for her dinner on the first date, giving up a seat for a her, or simply allowing the woman to enter the elevator first, these are all common examples of chivalry. Whoever said chivalry was dead, clearly doesn’t live in the south where it is still alive and kicking. Every single day, I’m experiencing chivalrous acts by men—most of whom I don’t even know! This was beautiful to me—until I started reading some studies created around chivalry… Keep reading »
It never ceases to amaze me, the myriad of ways dudes manage to f**k up dates before they’ve even begun. I don’t want to walk into a first date with a bad attitude, but if he has the gall to ask me out and then say, “Pick a place, but make sure it’s cheap,” I kind of can’t help it. I’m not the kind of bitch who picks Chez Chic-Chic for a first date, but if you’re on a budget, why don’t you pick, dickwad? Anyhoo, though I make a decent living complaining about men on the internet, I do like to pay it forward by giving unsolicited advice. Here are ten ways a dude can ensure a date is going to be a slam dunk before it’s even begun. Keep reading »
That’s Jessica Simpson arriving at LAX. That’s her boyfriend, Eric Johnson, walking in front of her. Those are her three bags. My only question: Can’t he hold one of her bags? Call me old-fashioned, but I think it would have been a nice gesture if he held one of her bags. But then again, my mom always told me as a child not to bring it if I can’t carry it. [L.A., 7/14/10] Keep reading »
Teacher Cord Ivanyi, a Latin instructor at Gilbert Classical Academy, was tired of seeing boys physically push aside girls as they rushed through the classroom door. So at the beginning of this school year, Ivanyi told his students the new classroom rules about chivalry: boys would hold doors for girls; boys would ask girls if they would like to be seated; boys would offer to take girls’ backpacks before they sit down; boys would stand if a girl leaves the room; and girls would be served first if food is in the classroom.
“All boys will understand chivalry,” Ivanyi told The Arizona Republic. “It’s teaching them social grace. It’s things they should know when they do go out on dates.” All the students, boys and girls, were reportedly awkward about the mandated chivalry at first. But Ivanyi, as well as girls quoted by various media outlets, say girls seem to be enjoying the chivalry and some chivalrous behavior is even extending beyond the classroom.
Mandated chivalry may be a well-intentioned idea. And it may well have taught some kids to be conscious of the basic concept of good manners, which is to be considerate of others’ well-being. But mandating chivalry in the classroom could not be a more misguided set of rules. Keep reading »
Men should buy women flowers. They are colorful. They smell nice. And without them, flora would never get laid. To many, purchasing flowers is cliché or corny or tacky. And to others, it’s an outdated ritual in our modern era of gender equality. I’d like to address the men reading this (all five of you): buy the broads flowers. Trust me. And now to all the women reading, who outnumber us dudes 100 to 1: allow the douches in your life to buy you flowers. Trust me. Keep reading »
Some vehicle engineer at BMW thought they’d put a “gentleman function” in the 2009 BMW 750i. What is a “gentleman function,” you ask? On the driver’s side door, there is a switch allowing the driver to adjust the passenger’s seat—forward, backward, up, down.
It registers a “meh” on the chivalry scale. And with a name like the “gentleman function,” it’s clear what kind of genitalia BMW thinks is behind the wheel of their cars. Really, if the BMW did something chivalrous as a “gentleman function,” I’d prefer it paid for dinner. [Edmunds Inside Line] Keep reading »
A few months ago, I accidentally shoved my foot in my mouth on a listserv I participate in. I got a bunch of irritated emails and issued numerous apologies. What did I do? I addressed the women as “ladies.”
Some women hate to be called “ladies,” I came to find out. It’s an outdated word, they said, which brings to mind white gloves, tea sandwiches, and balancing a book atop one’s head for good posture. (Betty Draper on Mad Men, for example.) The directive to “be a lady” or “act like a lady” usually encourages women or girls to become more like a retro gender construct—polite, smiling, quiet, compliant, modest, presentable—and they want nothing to do with it. I just assumed that because the word was so outdated, it meant nothing—and I was wrong.
So now I’m wondering, of course, about a lady’s counterpart. If “being a lady” has a stigma attached to it, does “being a gentleman” have a stigma, too? And what does “being a gentleman” even mean these days, anyway? Keep reading »