Tag Archives: chivalry

Dear Wendy: “My Boyfriend Refuses To Pay For Our Dates”

Wendy AtterberryAugust 13, 2010 //

I recently started dating my best guy friend at school. We’ve had feelings for each other for months, have been together for about two months now, and are very much in love. I only have one qualm in the relationship, and I’m not even sure I have the right to have it. I’ve been raised with a more traditional view of dating, where the guy pays for dates and sort of “woos” the girl — at least in the beginning. All of the other guys I’ve dated have subscribed to this, and I feel pressure from my family and friends to be in a relationship with these roles. While I’m okay with the guy not paying for everything, I feel like at the beginning of the relationship, at least, the guy should take the girl on dates. But my boyfriend strongly disagrees with this point of view, and whenever we go out, we split everything. I’m okay with this being the norm eventually, but it sort of feels like how we used to go out to dinner and do things when we were just friends. It’s not about me not wanting to spend money; it’s more of a respect/chivalry/tradition thing that I want. Does it seem entitled or wrong that I think maybe he should be taking me out on dates? He’s explicitly expressed his point of view, but I haven’t had the guts to tell him I disagree. Should I bring it up? How could I approach it? — Traditionalist

Keep reading »

Can’t Eric Johnson Hold One Of Jessica Simpson’s Bags?

Annika HarrisJuly 15, 2010 //

That’s Jessica Simpson arriving at LAX. That’s her boyfriend, Eric Johnson, walking in front of her. Those are her three bags. My only question: Can’t he hold one of her bags? Call me old-fashioned, but I think it would have been a nice gesture if he held one of her bags. But then again, my mom always told me as a child not to bring it if I can’t carry it. [L.A., 7/14/10] Keep reading »

Arizona Teacher Makes Chivalry A Classroom Rule

Jessica WakemanApril 1, 2010 //
chivalry photo

Teacher Cord Ivanyi, a Latin instructor at Gilbert Classical Academy, was tired of seeing boys physically push aside girls as they rushed through the classroom door. So at the beginning of this school year, Ivanyi told his students the new classroom rules about chivalry: boys would hold doors for girls; boys would ask girls if they would like to be seated; boys would offer to take girls’ backpacks before they sit down; boys would stand if a girl leaves the room; and girls would be served first if food is in the classroom.

“All boys will understand chivalry,” Ivanyi told The Arizona Republic. “It’s teaching them social grace. It’s things they should know when they do go out on dates.” All the students, boys and girls, were reportedly awkward about the mandated chivalry at first. But Ivanyi, as well as girls quoted by various media outlets, say girls seem to be enjoying the chivalry and some chivalrous behavior is even extending beyond the classroom.

Mandated chivalry may be a well-intentioned idea. And it may well have taught some kids to be conscious of the basic concept of good manners, which is to be considerate of others’ well-being. But mandating chivalry in the classroom could not be a more misguided set of rules. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “She Hasn’t Paid For A Single Date Yet”

Wendy AtterberryFebruary 26, 2010 //

I met someone online and we’ve gone out five times. We’ve gone to two nice dinners, brunch, a movie, a night of bar hopping and our first date, which was drinks that lasted until 2 a.m. Things are going pretty well. So far, I’ve paid for everything we’ve done. She hasn’t made so much as a reach for a check. Like Seinfeld once said, “it’s nice to get a reach.” I’m a single father and I have a lot of expenses to deal with. It’s not like I can’t afford her, but I don’t want to feel taken advantage of either. She’s got a good job, so I’m pretty sure she’s not struggling. How do I let her know I don’t like paying all the time, but I’m more then happy paying most of the time? — No One’s Chump

Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Real Men Buy Flowers

John DeVoreSeptember 30, 2009 //

Men should buy women flowers. They are colorful. They smell nice. And without them, flora would never get laid. To many, purchasing flowers is cliché or corny or tacky. And to others, it’s an outdated ritual in our modern era of gender equality. I’d like to address the men reading this (all five of you): buy the broads flowers. Trust me. And now to all the women reading, who outnumber us dudes 100 to 1: allow the douches in your life to buy you flowers. Trust me. Keep reading »

What Does BMW’s New “Gentleman Function” Do?

Jessica WakemanJuly 27, 2009 //

Some vehicle engineer at BMW thought they’d put a “gentleman function” in the 2009 BMW 750i. What is a “gentleman function,” you ask? On the driver’s side door, there is a switch allowing the driver to adjust the passenger’s seat—forward, backward, up, down.

It registers a “meh” on the chivalry scale. And with a name like the “gentleman function,” it’s clear what kind of genitalia BMW thinks is behind the wheel of their cars. Really, if the BMW did something chivalrous as a “gentleman function,” I’d prefer it paid for dinner. [Edmunds Inside Line] Keep reading »

What Does “Being A Gentleman” Mean These Days?

Jessica WakemanJuly 20, 2009 //
gentleman photo

A few months ago, I accidentally shoved my foot in my mouth on a listserv I participate in. I got a bunch of irritated emails and issued numerous apologies. What did I do? I addressed the women as “ladies.”

Some women hate to be called “ladies,” I came to find out. It’s an outdated word, they said, which brings to mind white gloves, tea sandwiches, and balancing a book atop one’s head for good posture. (Betty Draper on Mad Men, for example.) The directive to “be a lady” or “act like a lady” usually encourages women or girls to become more like a retro gender construct—polite, smiling, quiet, compliant, modest, presentable—and they want nothing to do with it. I just assumed that because the word was so outdated, it meant nothing—and I was wrong.

So now I’m wondering, of course, about a lady’s counterpart. If “being a lady” has a stigma attached to it, does “being a gentleman” have a stigma, too? And what does “being a gentleman” even mean these days, anyway? Keep reading »

Is Chivalry Sexist?

Amelia McDonell-ParryJuly 10, 2009 //
chivalry photo

A male blogger named Anthony Michael Rojas posted a little list entitled “How To Treat A Woman On A Date: The Basics” on his Tumbler blog this week and it got quite a few angry reblogs from women who felt like his suggestions were sexist. Rojas clearly believe his suggestions to be basic “chivalry,” while his detractors seemed to suggest that there is a difference between chivalry and manners, because chivalry is rooted in sexism. I found many of the responses to not only be silly, but also bordering on unintentionally satirical of “feminist” anger. It was clear to me that the original poster wasn’t being a jerk, so why did the responses treat him like one? Still, the back-and-forth did bring up the issue of whether these eight seemingly harmless gestures are actually offensive because they supposedly treat women as the weaker sex. Let’s go through them one by one, shall we? Keep reading »

Does A Rude Guy Deserve A Second Chance?

Amelia McDonell-ParryMay 17, 2009 //

The New York Times answers an interesting question. What do you do when a nice guy does something not-so-nice? Perfectly nice guys with terrible manners are all too common these days. Writes a victim:

“A nice guy, who I thought was interested in me, stood me up for dinner. I waited at the restaurant like a sad loser, but he never called. When I next saw him, he apologized and asked if I would have dinner with him. I refused. He told me he was going to make a reservation at the same place and wait for me there, hoping I might change my mind. I’d like to see him. What should I do? – D.T.“

“Social Q”‘s Philip Galanes advises she should feel free to give the guy a second chance, but warns it might get tiresome dealing with a person who fluctuates between rude and gentlemanly. “The ending is often in the beginning,” he writes. “Over time, you may find yourself the recipient of as many slights as long-stemmed roses.”

As someone who is apt to give second chances in my quest for love, this really spoke to me. What would your advice be to D.T.? Keep reading »

Chivalry Is Not Dead! Plus, It’s Free!

Amelia McDonell-ParryMarch 27, 2009 //

It’s no secret that the women of The Frisky are obsessed with Patti Stanger from “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” But last night I found my devotion to her screed rise to a new level, as I found myself yelling at the screen, “Yes, Patti, YES! Preach sister!” Sure, I disagree that men and women should stick to traditional gender roles and hate her staunch anti-curly hair stance, but Patti’s got gems. I was cheering when she touted just how far a guy can get by showing a little chivalry. “Chivalry is free and it gets the girl.” Indeed, Patti, indeed. You see, my current dating situation — with Chicken Parm, for those taking notes — is kind of lacking in that area, and while he’s practically perfect in every other way, this has become a major stumbling block. Patti and I disagree a little about what kind of chivalry is really necessary and will get the girl (at least this girl) — Patti’s big into door opening and meal ordering, but I don’t care so much about that. After the jump, five chivalrous moves I think Patti and I would co-sign. Chicken Parm better take notes. Keep reading »

  1. <
  2. 1
  3. 2