Remember that couple caught doing the nasty behind a dumpster outside a Delaware Dunkin’ Donuts? Well, there must be something in the air in that neighborhood, because yet another couple has been spotted boning on the rooftop of a Chipotle two blocks away. And people say Paris is the most romantic city in the world! Keep reading »
As we mentioned earlier today, Chipotle had the genius idea to feature short selections of original literature on their various food surfaces, like cups, takeout bags, etc. Not only does this help keep customers entertained while they’re dining, but it prevents the awkward eating-alone scenario from being so awkward, and it’s educational. After I heard this news, I asked myself for about two hours why I never thought of it, because it’s such a glaringly obvious fix to a common human problem. Oh well. That ship has sailed, but here are eight other obvious places humans could really use some reading material. Let’s make it happen… Keep reading »
Have you ever run out to grab lunch alone, only to realize you didn’t bring your phone or a book or a magazine or anything to read while you eat? It’s super awkward and boring, right? Author Jonathan Safran Foer thought so too, while eating a burrito at Chipotle one day. “I really just wanted to die with frustration,” he told Vanity Fair of his solo lunch experience, which might sound a tad dramatic, but hey, he’s a writer, give him a break. Anyway, Foer decided to do something to ensure no one else ever had to suffer through a burrito bowl without some good reading material, so he emailed the CEO of Chipotle, Steve Ells. Keep reading »
Two years ago, I was at my local coffee shop when I spotted a certain gentleman, and after a series of boring events he and I wound up having sex. It was mostly uneventful, except for the fact that during the proceedings, I sprained my neck. We’d had sex and gone to bed, and the next morning I woke up and couldn’t move it.
“Oh no!” I exclaimed, and my companion groaned wordlessly in response. I rotated the entirety of my torso so as to be able to face him.
“I think I sprained my neck,” I said.
“From the blowjobs?” he asked, but nodding yes was not an option. I briskly pitched my torso back and forth.
“Oh, crap!” he laughed. “Wow. That’s really funny.” Keep reading »