Fresh out of a long, committed relationship with my childhood sweetheart to whom I was engaged long before I was ever ready to fully commit myself to someone in that regard, I rebounded. His name was Stan* and he was quiet, shy, compassionate and funny at times. I knew he wasn’t “the one,” but I had fun with him. After five months of dating, I decided that I needed someone who was more ambitious and outspoken, and called things off with Stan … only to find out that I got knocked up the last time we were ever intimate. Keep reading »
Recently, a blogger pal of mine posted a few life tips, or “life hacks” as she calls them, that she’ll pass along to any potential offspring. Her tips included great advice, like, “Never take Tylenol while you’re still drunk,” “Peeing after sex helps prevent UTIs,” and “Never click on the last picture in an Us Magazine slide show, it’s just an ad.” Her awesome list got me thinking about what little tips I’ll pass along to my potential future offspring. Check out my list after the jump and add your own in the comments.
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I don’t get out much.
You can tell from the way these sexy legs of mine perfectly match the white background on your computer screen.
Even worse, I don’t get out of the bedroom much. Instead, I sit cross-legged on my bed for hours on end—my laptop perched on a tray in front of me—editing content, typing up posts, reading other people’s posts, drawing up marketing plans, and connecting with other young entrepreneurs on Twitter.
I don’t do morning walks. I don’t do evenings at the bar. Sometimes, I don’t even do lunch. Keep reading »
This week, two 11-year-old boys, who were sentenced to three years probation for sexually assaulting an 8-year-old girl, became the youngest sex offenders in Britain.
Yet, it’s not clear whether they “assaulted” the girl or whether all three kids were engaging in the innocent, curious game of “show me yours and I’ll show you mine.” One day last October, the West London girl had come home to tell her mother that two local 10-year-old boys had shoved her off her scooter, pulled her pants down, and then raped her. Though, when questioned by authorities later, she said that she had “been naughty” and didn’t want to tell her mother. The case went to trial and this week the jury found the boys guilty of assault, though the judge gave them a light probation sentence, saying, to the boys, “something went too far” but ” … you didn’t realize how serious what you were doing was.” Keep reading »
Facepalm. What kind of bull hooey is this? LEGO has these thingies called “minifigures,” which are little LEGO people dressed up in different outfits. There’s a spaceman. A cowboy. A magician. A deep sea diver. A zombie with a shovel and a chicken drumstick. And even a kick-ass robot! But all of those minifigures — and more — apparently have tiny little yellow LEGO penises. (OK, not really. But they are all boy LEGOs.) The only two that are women are a cheerleader and a nurse.
Geez Louise. I’m actually shocked there’s no secretary or waitress. Keep reading »
Perez Hilton is on the shortlist of awful human beings that I don’t want exposed to my future children. So why, oh why would the kids’ channel Nickelodeon invite the self-proclaimed Queen of All Media to guest star on one of its shows? Perez announced that on Friday, August 27th, at 8 p.m., he’ll have a cameo on “Victorious,” the channel’s highest rated new TV show starring teen actress Victoria Justice. Excellent idea! Let’s expose all the tweens to the most sexist, nastiest gossip blogger out there and make him look “cool.” Keep reading »
A few years ago, I jokingly declared that I would refrain from reproducing until after my 10-year college reunion. That way, I said (again, facetiously, although of course I’d be lying if there weren’t a tiny grain of vain truth to all this hilarious jokery), I wouldn’t have to worry about losing baby weight or having to remain sober as the Georgetown Class of 2001 reconvened. It wouldn’t be a concern whether some liquor might damage Junior, or Junior’s breast milk supply, and my 100 percent hot, completely flawless body would remain pristine until that date and, obviously, if everything went according to my imaginary plan, everyone would say, “Oh there’s Claire — she looks so great!” (Anyone who’s seen “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” knows this is Goal #1, with actual success to brag about being Goal #2, and perhaps having fun and seeing people you like being a distant #3.) Keep reading »
Personally, it feels strange even writing that title. Why wouldn’t parents kiss their kids on the lips? Isn’t that what all parents do? You know, kiss their kids on the lips to show their love? Apparently, some people find the idea of a parent kissing his or her son or daughter on the lips deranged and disgusting. But who? Keep reading »