I am so not OK with the baby onesies above, or any of the others BuzzFeed found for “douchebags in training.” [BuzzFeed]

Ah, Double X. Welcome to the world of “alternative motherhood.” This week, Marie Myung-Ok Lee delivers an update on why she gives her nine-year-old son pot. Yes, nine. Yes, pot. Why? Well, he’s autistic and allergic. According to her, the marijuana helps him function. The pot is delivered daily by way of cannabis tea and pot cookies. (Oh, a tea party! How fun!) Four months since the start of this “experiment” in getting her kid stoned, Lee’s son, whom she refers to as “Cannabis J.,” has stopped eating his clothes and is significantly less prone to acting out aggressively in school; although, she says, his autism has “become more distinct.” Her conclusion?

“I don’t consider marijuana a miracle cure for autism. But as an amateur herbalist, I do consider it a wonderful, safe botanical that allows J. to participate more fully in life without the dangers and sometimes permanent side effects of pharmaceutical drugs; now that we have a good dose and a good strain.”

Great, I think, reading those words. Congrats on finding a good “dose” for your son. On the other hand, pot is ... natural. What do you think? Mothers Gone Wild or Mother Nature’s Treatment? [Double X]

I committed one of the cardinal sins of dating recently. I somehow found myself in a heated conversation about the B word. As in BABIES. With someone I’ve been seeing for two weeks. I know. Upon realizing the foolishness of this move, I considered putting my suicide windows to use. But hear me out.

Oh, unholy of holies. Too much TV-watching is causing high blood pressure in young children! It seems that kids who spend more hours in front of the screen, even if they’re thin and in shape, have significantly higher diastolic and systolic blood pressures than those who don’t watch much TV. Joey Eisenmann, the senior author of this research, believes that kids who spend more time in front of the tube end up snacking more, get distressed at some shows, and get less sleep. These poor habits prove that the American Academy of Pediatrics’ recommendation of no more than two hours of television a day for youngsters is right on target. [NY Times]

But I’ve got to wonder, what about adults?

My accountant father always complains that I’m an expensive kid. Well lookie here, Pops: the USDA’s Center for Nutrition Policy and Promotion just released a study that says a middle-income family will spend about $221,000 raising a child through age 17. See Dad… I’m not the only one! But since they stopped the survey at age 17, it’s scary to think that in reality, the quarter of a million dollars is only a fraction of the nearly half a million dollars parents will end up dishing out for their kid’s college tuition. Second to the pain involved in the birthing process, I think this is one of the top reasons not to have rugrats.

If you thought the easiest way to tell the financial status of a woman was by the kind of car she drives, the size of her diamonds, or how affected her accent is, guess again. A new “scientific” study claims that wealthier woman have more sons than daughters. Um, ohh-kay. A group of Dutch researchers — it’s always the Dutch, isn’t it? — studied 95,000 Rwandan women to test an evolutionary theory that suggests “when conditions are good, and babies are likely to be healthy, a mother’s best chance of passing on her genes to another generation is to have boys.” When conditions are bad, however, and pregnant women are malnourished and more likely to have sickly or weak babies, it makes more “evolutionary sense to have a girl who does not face competition to become pregnant to continue the family line.” In the polygamous tradition of Rwanda where high-ranking wives tend to have more influence and income, they have, on average more sons than daughters (99 daughters for every 100 sons). Lower-ranking, poorer wives, on the other hand, have 106 daughters for every sons. So, there you have it — scientific proof that Victoria Beckham is rich. [via DailyMail]

Want to know what you and your boyfriend’s kid would look? There’s an iPhone app for that. iMated melds together two photos, showing you how the fruits of your bedroom labor will turn out. Consider this yet another dating litmus test. If the results aren’t pretty, you might want to rethink the relationship—or adopt. [iMated]

There’s no better way to get everybody fighting than to bring up the “having kids” or “not having kids” debate. The so-called “mommy wars” are a surefire way to make everybody defensive!

But the discussion gets the nastiest and most infuriating when women with kids accuse women sans kids of being “selfish”—which happened repeatedly in the comment section when I posted a joke-y list last week—“10 Reads Not To Have Kids Now…Or Ever”—which was pegged to Cameron Diaz talking about childless women.

Cameron Diaz thinks your kids are bad for the environment.

Well, no, not really. But she told Cosmopolitan she thinks women shouldn’t be pressured into procreating or “shunned” for not having kids because “honestly, we don’t need anymore kids. We have plenty of people on this planet already.”

While we agree with Cameron that it’s b.s. women still get hassled for not raising rugrats, we can think of far better reasons than old Mother Nature for staying childless. Our reasons, after the jump…

“[Sheryl Crow] wanted marriage, she wanted children; and not that I didn’t want that, but I didn’t want that at that time because I had just gotten out of a marriage, I’d just had kids [Luke, Grace and Bella].”

—Lance Armstrong in the upcoming biography, Lance

When your three-year-old climbs onto your lap and asks, “Do you love me the best, Mama?,” what do you say? “Well, yes, but not as much as I love your Daddy?” I don’t think so.

I waited five months before introducing my boyfriend, Andy, to my 3-year-old son. All the books and advice givers, including my therapist, suggested we meet at a public place; I chose the Children’s Museum of Manhattan and invited my mother to come along as a buffer.

Girls are taking on beauty rituals at a younger and younger ages. I had my first manicure when I was in the fifth or sixth grade as a reward for doing well in school, but I didn’t experience a salon pedicure until the day before my high school senior prom. Mani/pedis, however, are tame compared to what these 5-year-old and preteen girls get into when they frequent spas that cater to the 0 to 12 set. These girls get expensive facials, hair cuts, highlights, and even laser hair removal, which is the most common cosmetic procedure for teens. It’s no surprise that girls are worrying about their appearance at young ages, but little boys are starting to care just as much.

I was lying there on the cold, hard examining table. A stranger came in and before I knew it, I was uncomfortably spreading my legs. He told me it wouldn’t hurt and proceeded to stick a strange contraption up into my body. I was there to find out “if all my parts were as they should be.”

I thought I had heard every excuse for cheating—it’s payback, my needs aren’t being met, I was drunk, etc.—but this excuse takes the cake. A woman revealed to an acquaintance that she is cheating for her kids. Yep, you read that right. She’s not planning on staying in her marriage, so she’s trying to find a daddy replacement for her children before kicking their jerky father to curb.

I’m smack in the middle of my thirties and about to get married. For some childless women my age, this is tick-tick-tick time. However, while other women may be intimately in touch with their ovulation cycles, I’m in no hurry to have kids now, if ever. My old man and I have talked about it, but we’re both horrified by how much our lives would have to change—not to mention how big a pain in the ass kids are for, oh, say, 18 years.

If you’re a 20- to 35-year-old woman without any children I caution you against dating a man with kids. I did this once and, let me tell you, I learned my lesson. I dated The Cop off-and-on for about six years and I have to admit that love kept me from realizing just how big a problem his children were in our relationship. Recently, he and I made plans to have a friendly, totally platonic drink to celebrate my promotion. He canceled the day of because his youngest daughter had hit her head and he’d spent the previous night in the emergency room. I totally understood why he had to cancel, but the situation also reminded me why he and I could never work and why I will never date a man with children again.

Any physical activity is good activity is the message behind the federal guidelines for physical activity, which the Department of Health and Human Services released this month. The core guideline is that Americans should get at least 150 minutes of moderately intense activity per week, but that doesn’t mean you have to spend that time in the gym. For the first time, a variety of activities, including daily chores and physically-demanding occupations, count toward physical activity, which can lower the risk of early death, heart disease, stroke and high blood pressure. But thankfully, the feds have realized that physical activity isn’t one-size-fits-all, so after the jump find recommendations for adults, seniors, children and teens. [New York Times]

Whether or not a person wants kids is often a relationship dealbreaker. We had our girl Lori cruise the streets of SoHo in NYC to find out what people think about birthing little stinkers. The consensus? Children are expensive, strollers get in the way of life, and 9-year-olds are annoying.