My favorite thing about traveling is eating, and my favorite thing to eat is cheese. If I won the lottery tomorrow, my next big trip would be a cheese-themed world tour, stopping off in every country to sample their best fromage, sip expertly paired wines, and go to bed every night bloated and blissfully happy. Care to join me? To get started, let’s drool over six of the finest cheese shops in the U.S. and Europe, shall we?
Here are a few hints:
It’s one syllable.
It’s a dairy product.
It should not be anyone’s name.
Give up? Keep reading »
Dear Cheese Man,
Hello there. I’d like to start off by saying that we ride the same subway line. Why have I never seen you before? I see the man who panhandles with a live snake, the performance art clown and the lady who plays the “Chicken Dance” on her recorder ALL THE TIME. But I have never seen you and your cheese wheel before. A man wrote into Gothamist complaining about your stinky cheese and the way you ate it:
“Homeboy was seriously enjoying a half wheel of what must have been a severely aged Brie with crackers. He’d dig his gross fingers into the Brie, dig out a piece, slap on a cracker and throw it down. The Brie was highly fragrant and most straphangers were appalled. He also licked his fingers after each bite (perhaps my biggest pet peeve/gross out move) …It gave me the chills to watch his saliva soaked fingers dive repeatedly into that ripe cheese.”
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Three words: Blue. Cheese. Lollipop. OK, let’s all just make a communal “Eeeeeeeewwww!” sound now to get it over with, but after we’re done with that I feel compelled to report that Lollyphile, the company who makes these cheesy candies, claims that they’re actually really good, which apparently came as a surprise to them:
“It started off as a joke. We were all scared to try it. Maria (our model) popped it in her mouth and said, ‘Oh! It’s awesome!’ And we assumed she was lying until she ate the whole thing. And then we apologized for doubting her and tried them out and they were, in fact, awesome, because you know what? Sweetness & sharp cheeses go together- it’s why restaurants drizzle honey on gorgonzola. Anyway. It’s fun, it’s sweet, it’s bizarre, it’s an adventure.”
I’d definitely be more willing to try one of these than, say, a breast milk lollipop (shudder), but I’m still not sure I’m sold. How about you guys? If you’re keen for a lick of sweet, salty cheese, your can get 4 lollipops for $10 on the Lollyphile website.
America! Fuck yeah! We are good at so many things, chief among them barbecuing, reality TV and Kim Kardashian. And now, fellow U.S.A.-ers, we have dominated cheese rolling. No longer technically street legal in the UK, the annual cheese rolling competition in Brockworth, England (near Gloucester), involves the rolling of an eight-pound wheel of Double Gloucester cheese. Competitors chase the cheese down a steep hill, and the first person down the hill wins a prize. Which is the cheese wheel.
OMG I love England. Keep reading »
Columbia University’s blog, Bwog, makes it a tradition to ask graduating seniors if they’d rather give up cheese or oral sex. I don’t know why this is a question of interest, but it is. I chuckled as I read the headline, thinking to myself, Who in the world would choose cheese over oral sex?
Apparently, 42 percent of graduating seniors from 2006 to 2013 prefer cheese. An anonymous senior with the handle “Fromage 13″ did a breakdown of the archives of oral vs. cheese responses and found that the Columbia student body had a predominantly “fromage-centric attitude.” I laughed again. Pshaw, those silly kids must not be doing it right. Keep reading »
Dear Veniamin Balika,
Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be impressed by a man who can pull off a cheese heist of unprecedented proportions. I find cheese thievery sexy for obvious reasons.
Veniamin — or should I call you Cheese King? — you have my respect for managing to make off with 42,000 pounds of Muenster cheese from a Wisconsin distribution plant. That’s enough cheese to fill an 18-wheel truck. That’s roughly $200,000 worth of cheese, which you planned to sell on the black market. I had no idea the black cheese market was so lucrative. I had no idea there was a black cheese market. I knew about the underground chicken wing market. But not cheese.This is all blowing my mind. So much fucking cheese! Enough cheese to fulfill all my dairy cravings for the rest of my life! Enough cheese to build a cheese house and live there together like two happy mice. I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. Keep reading »
It’s getting to be that time in February where I’m like, “Really, Winter? You’re still here?!” Pretty much the only thing getting me through these dreary gray days are the soups and amazing grilled cheese sandwiches my cheesemonger/boyfriend has been making for dinner. The other night he used this Kerrygold aged Irish cheddar on white bread with a few leaves of arugula, and it was perfection. Try it for yourself! It will help you forget that we still have a month til the official start of spring. [$5.89, Food Ireland or your local cheese seller]
Raymond Duesler of Gloversville, New York is facing sexual abuse charges for getting into a shower with a 16-year-old girl and throwing cheese at her. Of course, I know what your first question is — what kind of cheese? That detail has not been made available to the public. For some reason, I’m envisioning it being shredded cheese. Maybe cheddar. Nothing artisan. Not to make light of this abhorrent crime, I just got distracted by the cheese throwing.Why? It’s just so disgusting.
Sadly, this girl was not the only one violated by Duesler. The 55-year-old is accused of exposing his penis, showing porn to and requesting oral sex from three more underage girls. Thankfully, he is in jail awaiting trial. If there is any justice in the world, an inmate is throwing cheese at Duesler while he showers right this very minute. [CBS6 Albany]
I thought the Ladies of Manure Calendar was going to be the stinkiest calendar of the year, but I stand corrected. France’s From’ Girls (short for fromage) features a year’s worth of scantily clad ladies posing provocatively with stinky cheeses. YUM! [France 24]