Sophie Fontanel is a novelist and the senior editor at French Elle. She also chose to be celibate from age 27 to age 39. The English translation of her book about these 12 years, The Art of Sleeping Alone, is due to be published in America on August 13. Fontanel spoke with New York mag’s The Cut about why she chose celibacy and how it affected her life. Keep reading »
“Now the minimum is until the fifth date. The whole celibacy thing, you could throw that out the window. That’s over. But I don’t have physical intimacy until at least the fifth date. So I can get to know who I’m dealing with and they can get to know me. And with my schedule, five dates can take three or four months! It just gives me a chance to get to know the person. So we talk on the phone pretty much every day or maybe we Skype or have a date and we have fun. I’m getting to know someone so I know if they’re crazy or not. I just don’t want to waste my time. I’m just trying to look at the mistakes that I made. I got so caught up in the flesh and I’m not even allowing someone to get to know the best parts of me. I’m a single girl in the world, but if I don’t have some standards then I can be making the same mistakes that I made in the past. I do want love. Genuine love. And sometimes sex can get in the way.”
— Jill Scott is my single girl inspiration. We don’t need a man, we just need some standards! But waiting until the fifth date for a li’l something-something sounds hard, though. How do you do that? [Us Weekly] Keep reading »
There’s a saying that goes “hunger is the best spice.” This is true. Without starvation as my salsa, I would never have been able to ingest all of those microwaveable burritos I ate when I was a wee street waif. You know the burritos I’m talking about: They come frozen in packs of 30 and they’re essentially toilet-paper tubes filled with beef caulking. This isn’t a saying anyone says, except for me, but it’s also true: “chastity is the best aphrodisiac.” Which is one reason I am totally pro-dry humping, a highly underrated sexual activity. A good, sweaty grind on a couch is a delightful tease of the wang-pong to come. Knowing that the other person can buck, grab, and slither in jeans is valuable carnal intel, the kind of insider information that turns an average hard-on into Excalibur. Putting off the inevitable for a week, a night or even an hour makes the resulting boner jams hotter, slicker and more gooseflesh-inducing. Keep reading »
“I have this weird thing that if I sleep with someone they’re going to take my creativity from me through my vagina … I’m lonely when I’m in relationships. It’s my condition as an artist. I’m drawn to bad romances. And my song is about whether I go after those or if they find me. I’m quite celibate now; I don’t really get time to meet anyone.”
—Lady Gaga explains why she’s gone celibate. I’ve heard of people worrying that a photograph steals their soul, but this seems kind of far-fetched. And do we really think that she’s not sexing Luc Carl? [Vanity Fair via NY Daily News]
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I’m seriously inspired by this article I saw in the New York Post, “No More Sex In The City,” about how celibacy has become “a thing.” It opens with the story of 29-year-old Brooklyn musician Katie Jean Arnold:
After hooking up with a stranger on the L train platform and going back to his place, she woke up at his apartment and decided to leave. On her way out the door, he came up to her, naked, and said the words she’ll never forget: ‘What’s your name?’ It was then that she made her Big Decision. No. More. Sex. Katie plans to keep her chastity belt on from now on … well at least until she achieves her dream of landing a record deal. “Not having sex is like giving up junk food … sex in New York for me had become like the 99-cent package of Ding Dongs on the corner.”
I’m embarrassed to admit that I can totally relate. Oh man, do I love Ding Dongs. Keep reading »
The Vatican announced last month a plan to make it easier for disillusioned Anglicans, who feel their church has become too liberal, to convert to Catholicism. The plan allows for Anglican priests, including those who are married, to also convert to Catholicism. This stirred speculation that the age-old rule of celibacy for Catholic priests could be rescinded. Not so, says the Vatican. The married priests will join the Personal Ordinariates, the structure set up for ex-Anglicans. They won’t have to be celibate, but unmarried priests who convert to Catholicism and are ordained will have to adhere to the celibacy rule. Only celibate men will be admitted to the Roman Catholic priesthood, but the admission of married Anglican priests will be on a case-by-case basis decided on by the pope. Former Anglican bishops, including married ones, will be able to lead groups of former Anglicans within the Catholic Church, but the bishops will also have to be ordained within the Catholic priesthood. So, it seems the bishops will have to be celibate, even if they’re married, or choose not to be the ministers of their congregations. [Reuters] Keep reading »
It was about a year ago that I realized it was time to just make a commitment.
If I had a checklist for where I was in my life, it would have looked pretty good: late 30s, living in Manhattan, freelance writer, founder of an improv school, volunteering for an organization dedicated to creating a better future, plenty of good friends – all dimensions accounted for.
Well almost. It was everything but “a man.”
I was one of those “date a few times and then be inseparable for two years” people. When I moved to NYC in 2001, “Sex and the City” was at its peak. That show and its promise of the perfect city life for a young single woman was a factor in me moving from LA. I know, it’s sad. But it just shows how deep and powerful the desire to find — and how much fun it is to look for — that one guy really is. Keep reading »
Could you go a year without sex? By choice? Taking a 12-month vow of chastity, writer Hephzibah Anderson did just that and wrote all about it for the U.K.’s The Guardian. Taking the vow shortly after another relationship ended, Anderson says: “I’d turned 30 a few months before taking my vow, and among other things was looking for a fresh way of pursuing love into that new decade,” explaining, “I’d had enough sex without love; maybe it was time to look for love without sex?” For her, that meant a year of chastity. She writes:
It was a drastic response, but in the weepy aftermath of one more failed liaison, that was what made it so appealing. My year would start not from the time I’d last had sex, but from the day I made my decision. After all, I’ve had dry spells that have lasted longer than 12 months. It was the choosing that was crucial. Might it change the kind of men I attracted and my response to them? Would it enable me to fall back in love with romance? Would I be able to last 12 months?
After the jump, read some of Anderson’s thoughts, observations, and lessons from her deliberate celibacy and find out if she indeed lasted the full year. Keep reading »
The night’s going great, you can’t believe you’re hitting it off so well on a first date, he’s a great kisser, you take him home…
Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him. Keep reading »