My inner monologue was just lamenting the lack of anything particularly newsworthy today, even a damn celebrity sex tape, when lo and behold, Usher’s maybe-dick popped up on my laptop screen. Oh Santa, better late than never! Apparently, the two images that were posted online by Diary of a Hollywood Street King are pulled from a sex tape the R&B singer made with his then wife, Tameka Foster, which was stolen from his car in 2010. Usher’s face isn’t in either shot, but his alleged (dick) head is shown being, uh, orally nuzzled by a woman who looks an awful lot like Foster. I am personally unfamiliar with Usher’s penis, so I can neither confirm nor deny it’s validity, but it’s a nice looking dong and it got me dreaming up new lyrics for a remix of “My Way” called “My Ween.” So, you know, this penis, whoever it belongs to, has served some purpose on this Boxing Day. [Gawker]
UPDATE: The bad news is the No Fun Police came by and said we had to take the photos down. The good news is, in the process, they totally confirmed that the dick in question did indeed belong to Usher. Mystery solved!
I never thought I’d say this, but I’m officially hot and bothered by one of the Jonas Brothers.
Nick Jonas is all grown up in a new issue of Flaunt Magazine, where the former boy-bander gives us a glimpse at his glorious ass dimples (yes, they’re actually nice, which is weird to me) AND his rather enticing package (which also seems very nice, but I will need further photographic evidence).
In an homage to Mark Wahlberg‘s infamous Calvin Klein ad, Nick stripped down and grabbed his junk wearing nothing but his boxer briefs, and while it looks kind of “college frat bro,” as Amelia says, I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crackers. Hell, I don’t care if he eats a sardine sandwich, because THAT BODY. Keep reading »
5 Seconds of Summer is a band that I managed to ignore up until now — but then Calum Hood, a member of the Australian boyband, showed me his dick and I had to take notice. Well, not me specifically, but the internet at large is now familiar with his phallus thanks to the magic of SnapChat. See, Hood — who is 18, BTW — apparently sent a SnapChat video of his junk to a 5SOS fangirl and she, of course, couldn’t wait to brag about it on social media. I don’t use SnapChat because I am an adult who only texts things I stand behind forever, but I thought the whole point was that whatever you send vanishes after a short amount of time? Maybe that’s why Hood was so comfortable unveiling his penis, but he was apparently naive to this fan’s wily ways, because she posted his video on Vine (Caption: CALUMS DICK IM SCREAMING). Hood took to Twitter to casually explain his naughty behavior, saying: “Least ya know what it looks like now,” and then “I’m still just a teenage kid learning from mistakes :).” I was gonna post the Vine after the jump, but the whole “teenage kid” thing — 18 though he may be — is making me feel guilty enough not to. So I’ll just link instead. [Vine via Cosmopolitan]
Jon Hamm does it often and would really prefer we didn’t talk about it, but I have a feeling Scott Disick won’t mind me commenting on his rather obvious bulge as he clearly freeballs while running errands. (I can see dickhead!) Given that our fave bonus Kardashian has dubbed himself a “Lord” and is fond of flaunting his wealth on Instagram, I’m a little surprised this is the first we’re seeing of his, ahem, seemingly large endowment. Perhaps a new Instagram photoshoot — featuring his member surrounded by stacks of cash and wrapped in Rolexes — is in order? [Photos: Splash News]