What would Ryan Loche do? Put his huge erection on television, it seems. [Guyism]
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I know Jon Hamm is tired of being objectified by the media for his impossible to ignore large twig-and-berries situation. But as much as I would truly love to honor his request and talk about more important things, like Ryan Gosling’s abs, or Channing Tatum’s butt, or Megan Fox’s toe thumbs, I can’t. Because Jon Hamm’s bulge is all up in my face every time I log onto the celeb paparazzi sites. Jon Hamm’s balls, comin’ at my face, every single day. I’m sorry, Jon. Please don’t be mad. I promise to try harder tomorrow. [Photos: Fame/Flynet]
There were a lot of moments in 2012 that stood out, that burst forth, rose in prominence and were hard to ignore. These 12 moments in celebrity bulges were our favorites. We hope they’re swelling with pride.
Before things get awkward here, I feel the need to make a disclaimer that talk of Michael Fassbender’s penis (or him in general) does not come without an acknowledgement of the horrific domestic violence charges that were brought against him by an ex-girlfriend and later dropped. I take these charges seriously and they indeed color my view of Mr. Fassbender. You may read more about the details here.
That being said: I am here to talk about amateur drawings of his penis. I saw Michael Fassbender’s dong (heretofore referred to as Fassdong) ever so briefly in “Shame.” Although I didn’t commit Fassdong to memory, I just remember it was very large. So large, that my friend who I saw the movie with and I still discuss it occasionally. Some seem to believe that Ridley Scott’s latest film, “Prometheus,” used the legend of the Fassdong to distract people from the fact that the film sucked. I haven’t seen it yet, so I’m in no position to weigh in. Vice Magazine, wondering how many people would see a movie solely for the fame of its lead penis, challenged audience members at the London premiere of the film to draw their own version of Fassdong. Click through to see some of the NSFW results.
According to In Touch Magazine, Casper Smart, not only got his penis inked, but got his “girlfriend’s name tattooed on [his] nether region.” According to a friend, “Casper surprised J.Lo with this token of his affection – and she was thrilled with the latest addition to his already inked-up body … Jennifer thinks Casper’s tattoos are sexy, but this one is her favorite, for obvious reasons … She loves it, and she loves him.”
Oh no. Fatal mistake. If this tidbit is true, Casper has just ensured himself a breakup. Getting a GF/BF’s named prematurely inked on your body (especially on the dick) is a very bad omen. That’s gonna suck getting that lasered off once Jennifer tells him that their relationship was just for fun. [WOW]
Oh, hi there. Here’s a picture I found of Paul Rudd sucking on a penis. Just because … well, does there need to be a reason to suck a d**k? NO. See Paul and his penis in its full NSFW glory after the jump. Keep reading »
“That was my first day [on the set] and that was a miserable day. It was smoky, it was hell, and I felt really uncomfortable. I’m not well-endowed, and those suits don’t really show you off in the most …”
– Mark Ruffalo talks about some of the, uh, challenges of playing Hulk in “The Avengers.” No need to finish that sentence, Mark. I know where you’re going with that thought, and I should tell you right now that I don’t care about the size. You have nothing to apologize for. You are well-endowed with other things: talent, hotness, humbleness, chest hair. We shan’t speak of it again. Now, undress me! [WOW]
When Rihanna touches herself onstage, everyone thinks it’s so sexy. But celebrity guys don’t get the same love when caught with their paws on their packages. These pics of Mark Wahlberg getting up in there surfaced today. Hey, sometimes we all need to rearrange things in the crotch area. I don’t mind watching Marky Marky touch himself, do you? Click through to spy on some more celebrity men adjusting their junk. [Buzzfeeed]
We still feel that Michael Fassbender and his penis were robbed of an Oscar nom for their work in “Shame.” I mean, come on, their performances were unprecedented! Even Charlize Theron agrees. “Your penis was a revelation. I’m available to work with it any time,” she joked at a recent Human Rights Campaign gala. “I have to say that I was truly impressed that you chose to play it big … Most other actors would have gone small, trust me. I know because I’ve worked with them,” Theron went on. Since its full frontal appearance in the film, Fassbender’s member has gained notoriety in Hollywood for its largesse. Sexiest Man Alive, George Clooney even sounded slightly jealous. He followed up Theron’s endorsement of Fassbender’s peen with a joke about him being able to play golf with his “hands tied behind his back.” Now that’s talent! Click through for more legendary celebrity members. [People]