Even in the throes of her video-making, bong-throwing, wig-wearing, Twitter insulting breakdown, somebody still wants to marry Amanda Bynes. Melissa the Great (aka The Love Vault) of Tilicum, Washington, posted an impassioned Craigslist ad proposing her hand in “gay marriage” to Amanda:
“I have seen you since I was a young folk in high school 9th Grade, 10th Grade, you took me away with your show. You are so deep and you allowed me to feel things about myself, like how I can talk to myself and answer myself. Its a road less traveled dear Amanda but you pulled it off and allowed me to relax to be who I was — a costume loving, creative goofball with a camera just like you!!
Amanda I would take your hand in gay marriage, but lets not be so fast with our approach. Nothing breaks my heart worse than the shattering glass of the bong from way up high… and you, to me, are way up high! Pieces of the bong scattered like pieces of my heart, And I want you to help me pick them up!! … I want to move you here to my house Amanda Bynes. I got half an acre we can buy dogs, horses, whatever. I want to take you every where like a young girl takes a raggedy ann…You can fly over, I got a dad, a good dad and we can share him if you do not have a father figure.”
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Although my waxer tells me BS stories about women who read magazines and talk on the phone while getting their vaginas waxed (who are you!?), I believe most of us find the process appropriately painful. I use numbing spray and Advil and still, I sweat and occasionally tear up. You’ll see no such pansy assery from Rihanna. According to a gossipy employee at Fuzz Wax Bar in Toronto, Rihanna enjoyed her Brazilian waaaayyy too much.The “insider” reports:
“One of our estheticians brought Rihanna the numbing cream but she just laughed. Most women find a Brazilian wax very painful but she just said: ‘No way, I love the pain. It feels good to me.’ … RiRi was escorted to a treatment room with very thin walls and not a scream or squeal was heard. In fact, it sounded like she was enjoying herself. She was singing and humming songs all through the treatment. None of us could stop laughing.”
New urban waxing legend: women who love the pain so much that they sing while getting they’re pubic hair ripped out. Thanks, RiRi! [Dlisted]