Another day, another wasteful scientific study about “hooking up.” According to a new University of Iowa study on ““The Contexts of Sexual Involvement and Concurrent Sexual Partnerships,” people who are engaged in a “friends with benefits” relationship are more likely to have sex with other people outside that relationship. In other words, a bunch of researchers got together and determined that if you’re having casual but regular sex with a friend, you’re more likely to also be having casual sex with other people at the same time. Keep reading »
Have you ever scooped a red jellybean out of a bowl, expecting it to be sweet and cherry-flavored and instead you’ve shocked your tongue with a hot cinnamon surprise?
Whenever this happens to me, I feel sort of betrayed – expecting something and getting something drastically different in its place. And sure, it’s one thing when it happens with a sugary candy or perhaps a soup (you expect it to be hot, but it’s actually a super gourmet, weirdo cold situation), but when this same situation happens with a man it’s bound to throw you for a loop. And that’s exactly what happened to me not too long ago – I was expecting a sickly sweet romance and instead I got a fire-breathing hell boy.
Let me explain. Keep reading »
I always change after I’ve slept with someone. It’s a subtle metamorphosis, but one I can count on—after sex, I feel emotionally attached. Even if the sex was boring, or painful, or just plain eh, afterward I always start to picture myself in a relationship with the person—sitting on the couch watching a movie, walking the dog we’ll no doubt adopt, sometimes even walking down the aisle. As such, casual sex is just something I’ve never considered. How exactly does one detach their feelings for one night of sexual fervor?
Thus, you could imagine my surprise when Jack offered to be my “pal with privileges.” Keep reading »
Earlier this week, blogger Jessica Grose at Slate wondered if there is “a new backlash against casual sex.” Grose points out that pop culture seems to have toned it down a bit: love-song warbling Taylor Swift is at the top of the charts, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are both mommies now, and we hear nary a peep out of Paris Hilton. The problem, Grose argued, is a backlash to the Spears and Agulieras of yore, capturing women in a “shame cycle.”
But over at Salon.com’s Broadsheet blog, Tracy Clark-Flory disagreed, arguing that “sexual regret is not a new phenomenon” and that how women experience casual sex — with embrace or regret — is simply always evolving. There’s room at the pop culture table now, Clark-Flory seems to be saying, for everybody.
As someone who had a decent amount of casual sex in her late teens and first half of her 20s, I’ve thought about this topic a lot: “Is this as fun as it’s supposed to be? Should it be more fun? Should I regret it more?” As a 25-year-old, I am only of maybe the second generation to be loud and proud about having casual sex, and exploring this new-ish territory is full of questions. Keep reading »
We’re back again for another edition of GuySpeak/GirlSpeak, where we take a close look at the advice given by guys to girls over at GuySpeak, throw in our own two vagina-possessing cents, and then have you weigh in. This week’s scintillating question: Can you turn a booty call into a boyfriend?
This guy uses me as a booty call, but I really like him, so whenever he calls I go meet him. Should I play hard to get and stop answering his calls? He always avoids my questions about a relationship.
Read on for our guy vs. girl advice … Keep reading »
Breaking news! Hooking up won’t lead to ruination, death by AIDS, and a locust plague. A recent study by University of Minnesota School of Public Health found young adults who had casual sex were in a no worse emotional state than ones who had sex in committed relationships.
Researchers spoke to 1,311 young adults between the ages of 18 and 24 about their last sexual encounter and found that the one-fifth who last had casual sex and the four-fifths all felt emotionally similar afterward. “We were so surprised,” said Marla Eisenberg, an assistant professor at UM. “The conventional wisdom is that casual sex, ‘friends with benefits,’ and hooking up is hurtful. That’s what we’ve been teaching kids for decades.”
Obvi. That’s because conventional wisdom is crap. Keep reading »
As a single lady who has lived in a big city for years, and now moved to a new one, I’ve had my fare share of one-night stands. I’d never call myself someone who makes a romantic life out of having a lot of random sex. In fact, my heart stands more on the traditional side where I look for sex after the relationship connection, knowing I usually wind up hurt in casual flings and that I actually disdain the thought of adding another one-nighter to my “list.” Keep reading »
My hot friend/man slut, Eric, who gets more booty than a pirate, has made me swear to keep his big gay secret for months. But over the weekend, I got him to tell me everything he knows about the techie version of cruisin’. Or as he put it, “Fine, you can tell the breeders about Grindr.” Yay! Grindr is an iPhone application for those looking for one-night stands. It will show you photos of potential hookups and map out the exact location of men in your neighborhood just looking to get in your pants. Well, not our pants, perse, since it’s “The go-to place for gay, bi, and curious men to meet.” Sigh. On the upside: “Location-based Grindr is FREE, FAST, and FUN.” Sounds promising, no? If Grindr were to cross over to straight users, would you use it? [Grindr]
Keep reading »
I’ve never seen the do’s and dont’s of casual sex boiled down as succinctly as they are in this funny video from Current. Suggesting you to think of a friends-with-benefits relationship much the same way you would a temp job, the clip advises you to “make sure the person hiring you, knows they’re hiring you to be a temp,” “don’t assume you’ll go perm,” “always look for a better gig,” and “don’t take a temp job at place you used to work full-time less than three months ago.” Full clip above. Keep reading »
Yesterday, NPR show “Morning Edition” explored a new a cultural phenomenon you may have heard of called “the hookup.” The hookup, the program explains to anyone living under a rock, is a social trend, born of the sexual revolution of the ’60s and ’70s, women’s growing independence, and online social networking. It started among high school and college students but is now popular with recent grads who have entered the workaday world. “Young people from high school on are so preoccupied with friends, getting an education and establishing themselves, they don’t make time for relationships,” so instead of concerning themselves with finding a mate, they’re far more interested in no-strings-attached sex. Naturally, people are having a field day arguing the potential benefits and detriments of hooking up. Keep reading »