Sorry, John Burbine, but sacrificing your nuts is not a fair trade for allegedly raping and sexually abusing 13 children. Keep reading »
A woman in Shelby, North Carolina, performed an incredible feat of strength — and a horrible crime — when she castrated a man with her bare hands. Joyce Maxine Gregory admitted that she squeezed a man’s scrotum out of his testicles (that has gotta hurt). She and the man, who has not been named, got in an argument Saturday morning. As he attempted to walk away from her, she squeezed him. Gregory was arrested and charged with malicious castration and assault inflicting serious bodily injury, and her bond was set at $20,000. Police say that when she was arrested, she pulled down her pants and peed in the squad car. Okay then. [Kait8]
While physical threats against anyone are never acceptable, something about a feisty old lady threatening to castrate a politician is kinda amusing. The FBI recently investigated an 80-something Connecticut woman after she made a phone call to an unnamed male politician threatening to Lorena Bobbitt his weenie. Why would she do such a thing? Because he supports efforts by Republicans in Congress to defund Planned Parenthood over abortion. Cops and local police descended upon her home, but determined that she was simply an impassioned former Planned Parenthood volunteer who was not serious about carrying out her dick-chopping threat. Whew. Calm down a little, granny! Violence never solves anything. Nevertheless, every busybody man in Congress just clamped his legs shut. [New Haven Register] Keep reading »
Earlier this month, instead of sawing off a cabinet leg, a carpenter sawed off his own, um, appendage. Adding insult to injury, he was building the furniture piece at his mom’s place. Fifty-four-year-old Stuart Keen and his detached penis were immediately rushed to the hospital in Wantage, England, where skilled docs were able to stick it back on. His mom was quick to rush to his defense, telling the press, “Stuart is a carpenter and uses sharp and sometimes dangerous tools. This was an unfortunate accident but these things happen all the time to people in his profession.” They do?! Well, as it turns out. Mommy Keen is right. Many men have had accidents wielding their tools. Listen to these 12 other real penis accidents.
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TJ Hoen MacKenzie, a convicted child rapist, recently won his third attempt to be reclassified as a lower-risk prisoner after medical treatments left him with a less raging libido. While MacKenzie still has a twig, his berries were plucked after being diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2005. MacKenzie was arrested in 1991 for the rape and intent to rape of two girls under the age of 16. But Lady Justice Arden of the UK Court of Appeal thinks his new physical “shortcomings” will prevent him from ever repeating his heinous crimes. He’s now a Category B prisoner, but MacKenzie is in no way out the door. His lower-risk status only allows him access to courses for a release application from his current life sentence. Treatment or not, the man got what he deserved. [Daily Mail]
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