It’s Labor Day Weekend— forget work! Let’s watch Bettie Page work it in this Burlesque Teaserama mash-up to “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazzarus. Although, truth be told, I think I did racier moves back in the day at my dance recitals. Does that make me a bigger ho than Bettie?

Most guy gamers have dreamed of getting with one of the scantily-clad female characters, whether it’s Princess Zelda, Chung Li, or Bloodrayne. Now their fantasies have been answered. The burlesque group Devil’s Playground performs a show featuring these characters and others doing “things ‘suggestive’ doesn’t begin to describe,” according to Gossip Gamers. To experience the show in person, you have to be L.A., but YouTube has videos. If only they had Cole from “Infamous”, Commander Shepard from “Mass Effect,” and Alex Mercer from “Prototype” in a male revue, the straight ladies and gay men would be set, too!

According to Variety, peroxided songstress Christina Aguilera will be starring in her own version of “Showgirls”: “Burlesque.” Watch out “Striptease”! Aguilera will play an “ambitious small-town girl with a big voice who finds love, family and success in a Los Angeles neo-burlesque club that appears to be right out of Bob Fosse’s ‘Cabaret.’” That’s weird. That’s the story of my life. (Call my lawyer!) The script was written by Steve Antin, brother of Robin Antin, who created the Pussycat Dolls, and Jonathan Antin, who does famous people’s hair. Twenty bucks says Aguilera’s character will work at Forty Deuce, home of that LA neo-burlesque to which they are referring. Luckily, like Demi in “Striptease” before her, Aguilera’s got the knockers for this thong, pasties, and feathers role. Let’s just hope she don’t have a “Glitter” on her hands. [Dlisted]

March is National Women’s History Month, and we’re celebrating by sharing a lady we admire each weekday.  Since today is the last day of this awesome month, we’ll be going out with a bank, spotlight FIVE women who rock.

LYDIA THOMPSON (1838-1908)

Born in 1838, Eliza Hodges Thompson was a London dancer, actress and theater producer. As a teenager, she toured as a dancer throughout Europe, starring in many successful burlesque shows around London. She won notoriety for introducing burlesque to America in 1868. Thompson traveled the states with her troupe, the British Blondes, from 1868-1874. Their first hit show, “Ixion,” was a comedy that featured cross-dressing women playing men’s roles.

Thompson’s shows included a mix of pantomime, burlesque, improvisation, singing, dancing and racy costumes. The scantily clad dancers wore skirts that were above the knee and flesh-colored tights. While they never appeared in the nude, the shows were popular because they were sexually suggestive and drew attention to the female body.

Bettie Page, otherwise known as the “Queen of Pinups,” has died. She was 85. Born in Jackson, Tennessee, Betty Mae Page had a hardscrabble childhood that included time spent in an orphanage. As a teenager inspired by her hairdresser mother, Page experimented with different looks and learned to sew, a pair of obsessions that would help her to become a pinup icon.

Sure, you may be broke as a joke since Wall Street has gone AWOL, but don’t worry, the best things in life are free! Just look at those Lehman Brothers posting on Craigslist for free love—they’re not even paying for online dating. So while your taste may be caviar and champagne, remember, there are simple pleasures out there that even the most fancy people can savor—like desire, lust, and nudity. Save your moolah for the things you gotta pay for and cash in on the things you really need with these five sexy freebies.

1. Back Rubs: Now that you’re stressed about your financial future, you need to relax.  Nothing will get you looser than a massage…especially if it comes with a happy ending. Hey, I’ll scratch your back, if you scratch mine!

Most of us don’t have Dita Von Teese’s curvy pinup body, but the queen of burlesque, and the queen of lingerie, wants everyone to look good in the bedroom, including you. Von Teese shared with The Telegraph a few of her secrets for looking hot while you’re on your way to getting naked in the bedroom. The key? It’s all in the lighting, ladies.

Who can resist the charms of glamour queen Dita Von Teese?  Not even stodgy Prince Charles, which is why he introduced himself to the attractive alabaster stranger at a Cartier event. When the Royal asked Ms. Dita what she did, she replied that she was a “dancer.”  When Prince Charles unwittingly asked the dancer to do a number at Prince Harry’s upcoming birthday party in September, he had no idea he’d get more show than he bargained for.  After the damage, er booking, was done, an aide informed the culturally clueless Prince Charles about Dita’s contributions to the art of striptease and he was mortified.  After all, what would his mummy think?!  We think under those suits and floral hats, there’s a side to the Queen that likes to get down—or at least appreciate a woman who can.  But we’ll have to wait and see if the real tassel-twirling burlesque show will go on at Buckingham Palace. [Daily Star]

Putting on pasties for the first time was fabulous. Putting on pasties for the first time while lactating—well, that was fabulous and messy. But no matter what, I refuse to turn them in!

Before I became a mom, I regularly emceed a bunch of New York-based burlesque shows (Starshine Burlesque, Le Scandal, and Red Hots Burlesque to name a few) and I found that audiences enjoyed my raunchy persona, a combination of Elvira’s boobs and wardrobe, Ethel Merman’s voice and Rudy Ray Moore’s mouth (and if you don’t know who Rudy Ray Moore is, I encourage you to get schooled immediately). But once I had a kid, everyone seemed to assume that I would change, that I’d become more, oh, I don’t know, virginal. I always thought that was kind of odd. After all, I had an 8 pound 12 ounce infant pop out of my vag, so there was no longer anything even remotely virginal about me (not like there had been before).

Dita Von Teese is incredibly awesome. The burlesque performer worried us slightly when she went and married Marilyn Manson—he’s an extremely intelligent guy, but dang, is he scary—but now that she’s single and ready to mingle, she’s really been rockin’ the sex appeal. And with her clothes on! Here she is at the Vienna Opera Ball, sporting some serious couture. Divorce from a washed up goth rocker has never looked so good. Photo Courtesy Of AP