• Bristol Palin is sticking by her abstinence pledge, despite Oprah‘s offer to retract the statement. [ABC News]
• Have you ever considered what animals might be thinking before they get it on? Check out this SFW video for some insight. [College Humor]
• Model Marisa Miller is in negotiations with Victoria’s Secret to return to the runway. [Maxim]
• Cosmopolitan has some suggestions for Scott Brown now that he’s a senator. [Shine]

• Massachusetts’ newly elected senator, Scott Brown, posed naked for Cosmopolitan back in the day. [F-Listed]
• Gabby Sidibe is working on a film called “Yelling to the Sky” with Don Cheadle, and she told the London Guardian: “This time, I get to make out with a boy. I know that because I wrote it into the script.” [Guardian UK]
• The guy who Ronnie knocked out on “Jersey Shore” has gone on a racist tirade to explain his butt-kicking. [TMZ]

If you happen to pass a newsstand today and venture by a stack of In Touch magazines, do not worry—no one stole the Palins’ film from a Sears Portrait Studio. No, Sarah and Bristol, along with babies Trig and Tripp, posed for the cutesy cover shot, in which Tripp sticks his fingers in little Trig’s ear. They also invited a reporter into their home for an exclusive interview. Alas, the story is mostly a puff piece where Bristol says groundbreaking things like, “We’re both moms at the same time. It has brought us closer together.” (Side note: If your mom had a baby a year before you and named him “Trig,” wouldn’t you probably have picked something not quite as close as “Tripp”?)

Perhaps Bristol Palin was upset that everyone from Tiger Woods’ mistresses to the woman accusing Shaquille O’Neal of harassment was running to spin doctress Gloria Allred for their scandal-busting needs. Because now Bristol is starting her own public relations and lobbying firm. Rachel Maddow dug deep to get the scoop on the new firm, which is called BSMP—short for Bristol Sharon Marie Palin. Bristol recently filed to incorporate the business, and it sure looks like it’s legit since the signature on the paperwork is a dead ringer for the tattoo of Bristol’s signature that Levi Johnston got on his finger. Bristol—who’s 19 and only has a high school diploma—already has her first client, the pro-abstinence Candie’s Foundation. She could start taking on new clients soon, or she could have gone through the legal rigamarole to save some tax money. I guess we’ll find out soon enough. [Media Bistro]

• Dogs recreate the “Jersey Shore” punch. [Nerve]
• Boyfriend cheated? One girl is getting even with eBay. [Lemondrop]
• Bristol Palin apparently wants full custody of lil’ Tripp. [NY Post]

We are a nation obsessed: with Levi Johnston‘s penis, apparently. The Daily Beast digs deep, wondering: “Can Levi Johnston Save Playgirl?” Methinks not. Along with many other magazines, Playgirl all but tanked last year, thanks to plummeting advertising rates, decreased circulation, and the proliferation of online adult content. But the Playgirl brand lingers, and the company plans to reinvent the magazine in the new millennium, courtesy of a series of high-profile spreads. Daniel Nardicio, a consultant brought in to lead the charge, hasn’t previewed what Levi has to offer; although, he adds, “We wouldn’t turn away Levi if he had a small penis.” How generous. Which male celebrities have bared their bods for Playgirl during its illustrious past? Get an eyeful in the slide show. [The Daily Beast]

Oh, no! Frisky favorite Levi Johnston is having some type of penis-related existential crisis prior to his upcoming nudie Playgirl pictorial. The New York Post reports that Levi is worried about the size of his pecker. “We hear that the father of Sarah Palin’s grandson has been telling folks at the magazine he is worried about how his manhood may look during the shoot.” What if he’s a grower, not a shower? What if when he takes it all off, he doesn’t measure up? The purported shoot location is, unsurprisingly, an ice rink (nice, er, puck?), and rumor has it Levi is worried the chill may cause some unflattering shrinkage. Levi’s man-friend Tank says it ain’t so, but perhaps an on-set fluffer would be in order? [New York Post]

I thought Sarah Palin was the nutty one, but Bristol‘s baby daddy, Levi Johnston, is now hawking nuts—yes, nuts—in a groan-inducing sexually provocative commercial for Wonderful Pistachios. Clever, Levi, but I am still holding out for Alaska’s finest to pose for nudie pics!

The Vanity Fair “Me and Mrs. Palin” article by Levi Johnston—which he appears to not have “written” so much as dictated to the editors—is the juiciest, gooeyiest, gossipiest smear I’ve ever sunk my teeth into. Did you know Sarah Palin wanted her and the First Dude to secretly adopt Bristol and Levi’s baby, Tripp, so no one would know her teen daughter had been pregnant?!?! Or that Cindy McCain offered to let Bristol and Levi marry at the White House if McCain won?!?! Allegedly.

But beneath all the gossip that supports the theory that, yes, these chuckleheads and their hunting gear are just as ridic as we’ve always thought they were, Levi (and the Vanity Fair editors who approved his piece) tells another story: Sarah Palin is a bad mother and wife. As much as I dislike the Alaskan ex-governor’s character as a politician, that particular story is not one that’s fair to tell.

Well, it was bound to happen. Porn company Lethal Hardcore Video has spoofed the Sarah Palin/David Letterman feud for a flick called, ahem, “F**k My Mom and Me.” In the dirty movie, “Letterman” has sexual relations with both the former Governor (“Sara Paelin”) and her daughter (“Bristhole Paelin”). Has porn finally gone too far?! I’m sure Palin thinks so, but this is just another example of the negative side of putting your family in the limelight (and People magazine). As for the mother/daughter theme, this is hardly new. Porn with incestuous themes are pretty common—I’ve seen (and by “seen” I mean, uh, glimpsed, not watched) porn where two actresses, playing mother/daughter, sisters, etc. schtoop each other. I’ve even seen some twin porn and what’s icky about that is that it’s hard to fake identical twins. [AVN.com]

My imaginary redneck boyfriend, Levi Johnston, is still runnin’ that tobacco spittin’ mouth of his. (Actually, I don’t know if he actually chews/spits tobacco, I’m just being admittedly stereotypical about rednecks.) This time he’s chatting with New York, a city, by the way, he tells the mag he doesn’t like. Levi tells the mag, “There’s too many people. I can’t wait to get home.” Levi really realized home was where his heart was when he was dragged to the Republican National Convention and told to wave and smile, prompting the media to suggest he would be moving to Washington, D.C. with the Palin family had the McCain ticket won the Presidency. Of the convention he says, “That was ridiculous…. I ain’t never moving.” Well, shucks.

If you’re wondering who thought it was a good idea for Bristol Palin, pregnant at 17, to warn America’s teens not to have sex until they’re married, you’re not alone.

But it’s hard to figure out what, exactly, the well-meaning adults who preach “no sex until marriage” to teenagers are thinking, considering a 2007 study confirmed abstinence-only education does not work.

Jessica Valenti, editor of Feminsting.com and author of The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession With Virginity Is Hurting Young Women, has written a piece for The Nation about how the groups that comprise what Valenti calls “the virginity movement” have finally realized they need new PR.

Unfortunately, the abstinence preachers’ ideas for discouraging teens from having sex still don’t make any sense.

Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin’s baby daddy, is leaving Alaska to become the family breadwinner. Well, at least, the teen father is using the excuse that he needs money to support his son, Tripp, as his reason for trying to extend his 15 minutes of fame by becoming an actor. He’s got an agent and is booking all sorts of exciting things, like a reality show and cameos in sitcoms. [MSNBC]

Since Johnston is a high school drop out, and he is kinda hot, this isn’t the worst idea ever. And we’d be the first to watch his reality show. But here are some other income generators he might want to consider:

You may have heard that David Letterman and the governor of Alaska are in a bit of a tiff over jokes he made in reference to her family—particularly jokes he directed at one of her daughters. After much back and forth, Letterman apologized for the second time last night—this time, without sarcasm. Personally, I don’t think that he should have.

He may be dumb as rocks, but Levi Johnston is a hot DILF. Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance and baby daddy appears in the June issue of GQ, posing shirtless while changing his son Tripp’s diaper. Earlier this month, Bristol appeared with Tripp on the cover of People, so I guess they’re even when it comes to exploiting their child for publicity. Click after the jump to see another shot from the photo shoot. [GQ]

When I was in high school, I dated a guy that my parents absolutely hated. They didn’t even call him by his name—instead they called him, er, anyway—and they begged and pleaded with me on a daily basis to get rid of him. They even bought me a book called How To Dump A Guy. Eventually, I saw the light and my parents got their way.

Apparently, my parents aren’t the only ones who’ve gone to great lengths to get their daughter away from a hated BF. In an interview with GQ magazine, Levi Johnston said that Bristol Palin’s daddy, Todd, offered to buy his daughter a car if she dumped him. Other highlights of his interview: he poses shirtless with baby Trigg, just like every good father should. He also blabs about how he and Bristol drifted apart after the McCain/Palin ticket went down in the 2008 election. Oh, and he finally revealed what McCain said to him on the tarmac. “You have good hands,” McCain reportedly told him. Is that anything like a wide stance? [GQ Via NY Daily News]

When Bristol Palin got knocked up at age 17, she made national headlines. We applauded her for realizing that “everyone should be abstinent or whatever but it’s not realistic at all,” and we were hopeful (for three seconds) that she would turn this unfortunate situation into a positive one by promoting safe sex. But when she said seconds later that “you should just wait ten years,” we got on her case. The girl is a walking contradiction. And it hasn’t stopped there.

Bristol Palin appeared on “The Today Show” and “Good Morning America” today because it’s the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, and Palin has signed on to be a national spokeswoman for the Candie’s Foundation. We watched the interviews, and they were equally awkward. On “Today,” Bristol appeared with baby Tripp and her father, Todd. Mostly, she talked about how much work being a mother is, and how it’s a full-time job. While she didn’t practice abstinence, she wants other young women to know how hard it is to be a mother. As for Levi Johnston, Bristol said she wasn’t on “Today” to talk about her personal life, but after an uncomfortable silence and some questioning by Matt Lauer, she said Levi is a part of Tripp’s life, although she wouldn’t say to what extent. The interview unraveled at the end when Todd said, “Sharing Bristol’s experience with other teenagers, the mistake she had here over a year ago, if she could prevent one teenager from getting pregnant, that would be great.” Oops. Todd called Tripp a mistake. 

Actually, Todd seemed less media-savvy than Bristol, which might be why he didn’t accompany Bristol for her “Good Morning America” interview. In addition to doing a one-on-one interview with Chris Cuomo, she appeared with Neil Cole from the Candie’s Foundation. “Just because you’re wearing high-heeled sexy shoes doesn’t mean you should have a baby,” he said. Oooh. Compelling.

Speaking at a “right-to-life” event in Indiana yesterday, former Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin told the crowd that she has “just for a fleeting moment” considered an abortion when she learned her youngest son, Trig,  would be born with Down’s Syndrome: “That blew me away, it rocked my world… It was a time I asked myself, was I going to walk the walk?” she said. In the end, obviously, she chose to continue the pregnancy. Trig turns one year old tomorrow.

Hmm. This is the second time that Palin has acknowledged that abortion is an issue of choice. Last summer she said she was proud of pregnant daughter Bristol’s “decision to have her baby.” Now she’s saying she considered having an abortion, but chose not to. Clearly, both she and Bristol chose what was right for them and their families, but they had a choice. Palin, of course, is a staunch supporter of revoking Roe V. Wade. If she got her way, the two options SHE considered would be whittled down to one—for the rest of us. [AOL News]