“But Andie, it’s your last chance at freedom!”
This is what my father told me when I informed him that I wouldn’t have a bachelorette party, and instead would go camping with Patrick and all our best Texas friends.
My dad was disappointed that his daughter wouldn’t be vomiting behind a strip club at 3 a.m. But I just got back from a wonderful camping weekend, and I’m confident in saying that I don’t feel any less “free” for opting not to spend a few hours in close proximity to a banana thong. Keep reading »
On February 6th, Dana Jackson turned 100 years old, and she celebrated by marrying her boyfriend Bill Strauss, 87, at the Rosewood Health Care Center in Kentucky. This sweet 2-minute video gives us a glimpse into the details of a centennial wedding, from Dana’s bachelorette party (sparkling grape juice was served) to a sweet interview with Bill, who is legally blind. “When she comes down the aisle, all I can do is imagine it,” he says, “because I won’t be able to see her til she’s just a couple of feet away.” [via Youtube]
“Grooms get in free!”
That’s the generous offer from Austin Monthly, my local glossy society rag, for its “Couture, Cakes and Cufflinks,” uh, “Bridal Bash.” There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of shill party, and that’s what makes it particularly offensive. It’s every disgusting wedding narrative rolled into one day-long event that women are actually expected to pay to attend.
There’s so much to hate about mainstream wedding culture — the consumerism, the gender policing, the fucking consumerism, the body-shaming, did I mention the consumerism? — but perhaps the wedding-related narrative that pisses me off more than any other is the idea that men are incapable of being interested in weddings and must be coddled and babied so that their delicate wedding-hating sensibilities are not offended. Keep reading »
“So, this is awkward,” said the email from my friend, the bride. “But I’ve decided to keep my bridesmaids to just really close friends.”
She had three bridesmaids. I was the third. Apparently, she only had two really close friends, and I was not one of them.
“Wait,” I wrote back. “Why?”
“I don’t really feel like I need to explain myself to you,” she replied.
Oh. Keep reading »
It’s a nice day for a fight wedding. Over the weekend, 28-year-old bride Angela Davito was arrested at her own wedding. Apparently, some uninvited guests showed up at the reception and started dirty dancing with the bride. This pissed off the groom, and a full-out brawl broke out. The police were called and tried to stop the fighting. When they were unsuccessful, they doused the reception in pepper spray. Firefighters came in to treat guests for pepper spray exposure.
Oh, but it got worse. Keep reading »
An Arab ambassador to Dubai hastily tried to divorce his new bride after he lifted the niqab veil covering her face for the first time ever and saw his wifey was cross-eyed and sporting a beard. Aw, poor lady. The pissed-off groom claimed his mother-in-law duped him into the marriage by showing him photographs of the bride’s sister; plus, the few times the groom met his bride in person, she wore the face-covering naqib veil the whole time.
Keep reading »