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“Hollywood Douchebag” Is Everything That’s Wrong (And So Right) With L.A.

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"He's Got A VIP In Every STD"

“Hollywood Douchebag” is a song by porn star Bree Olsen and some dude named Mike Gonsolin. It’s really terrible in a can’t-look-away-the-douchebag-train-is-running-off-the-tracks kind of way. Also, it epitomizes the very essence of what I hate about L.A. — not very smart people doing their very best impression of what they think it is to be “witty” and “ironic.” On the flipside, I’ve never seen so many fake boobs in one 4-minute clip, so good on them. [YouTube]

Charlie Sheen’s Former Goddess, Bree Olsen, On The Cover Of Playboy

Rachel Oberlin, aka porn star Bree Olsen, had the good sense to finally ditch Charlie Sheen via text message. But her spot in his pantheon of goddesses has earned her the August cover of Playboy, posing in about 1/5 of a Charlie T-shirt. I also like that she’s both wearing tiger undies and posing with a tiger. Winning! [BuzzFeed]

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Evening Quickies: Weezer Hosting An Indie Rock Cruise & What Sex With Charlie Sheen Is Actually Like

  • Weezer is hosting an “indie rock cruise” from Miami to Cozumel, Mexico, next January! Bands slated to play/re-enact that “Titantic” I’m-king-of-the-world scene include Yuck, Wavves, Free Energy, Sebadoh and Dinosaur Jr. Honestly, Weezer is more “Top 40″ than “indie” at this point, but maybe organizing a Carnival cruise is one of those hipster things, like wearing Hush Puppies, that is so hipster it makes the mainstream indie again? [PopDust]
  • Sarah Jessica Parker is on the cover of Vogue again. Again! [Just Jared]
  • Emma Watson said she had no idea Daniel Radcliffe struggled with alcohol because “as far as I know, he never took a sick day. He was like the most professional, amazing guy ever.” [Us Weekly]
  • Even Richard Simmons is getting in on this planking action. At least, that’s what I think this photo is. [Dlisted]

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“Goddess” Rachel Oberlin Defends Charlie Sheen’s Polyamory

“I’ve always felt that a man should be able to be with as many women as he likes. I’ve never had the opportunity to share that with any man before because, honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been with a man who was even deserving of that. Charlie is a great man and he can provide the lifestyle to accommodate a relationship such as what the three of us have. He has totally taken me aback by what a wonderful person he is, how open and honest he is.”

Rachel Oberlin/the porn star “Bree Olsen,” 24, one of Charlie Sheen‘s “goddesses,” i.e. live-in girlfriends, defends their polyamorous lifestyle. His other girlfriend is Natalie Kenly, 24, also called “Natty.” Frankly, I don’t see why everyone is making such a big to-do about Charlie shacking up with two babes. Hasn’t Hugh Hefner being doing that for … decades? (Someone get this man a bathrobe!) I wonder how Rachel thinks a man who’s been arrested for domestic violence as recently as last year is “deserving” of this accommodation, though. [Oh No They Didn't!] Keep reading »

Natalie Kenly & Rachel Oberlin — All About Charlie Sheen’s “Goddesses”

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Charlie Sheen just can’t stop talking, can he? Over the weekend, he invited cameras into his home and introduced them to his two “goddesses”—a porn star named “Rach” and a model named “Natty“—the two women who are living in his home, which Sheen has now fittingly dubbed the “Sober Valley Lodge.” On one hand, these two ladies sound like glorified babysitters. “We run errands, we eat, we play with the kids. We watch movies,” Natty describes in the clip above. But on the other, their arrangement sounds pretty dirty. “We have two beds in the bedroom and it is a 2-1 switch off,” Charlie explained to Howard Stern. “They will take a separate bed and then I have to choose.”

But their connection is deep, Charlie swears. “These women don’t judge me. They don’t lead with opinion. They don’t — they don’t — they don’t lead with their own needs all the time,” he explained. “Maybe the three of us will get married. I don’t know. It’s a polygamy story. It’s a polygamy story. All my guy friends are gonna like throw tomatoes at me. It’s like an organic union of the hearts.”

So who are these two? After the jump, all you need to know about Natalie Kenly and Rachel Oberlin. Keep reading »

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