The first rule of man boobs: Don’t talk about the man boobs. Following that: Don’t touch the man boobs. And like a lackey on a Nicholas Cage set, do not look the man boobs in the eye. Errr, nipple.
In my decade and a half experience negotiating male bodies, I have seen some things. Male genitalia obviously comes in all shapes, sizes and easterly orientations. Y chromosomes often cause their carrier vessels to have hair in the strangest of places (and shapes).
But what I had never encountered until age 31 was the man boob — until recently. I may be an anomaly. None of my friends were shocked when I told them I chanced upon a man with breasts. There is even a slang for them. The gays apparently call them “moobs.” Of course in that community, they are shunned and sentenced to the David Barton Gym for immediate alteration. Doctors, I have been told, refer to it as gynecomastia. It’s the abnormal development of larger than normal mammary glands in men resulting in the appearance of breasts. The terms literally comes from the Greek, gyne, meaning woman, and mastos, meaning breasts: men with lady breasts. It often happens when men past 30 let themselves go. Meaning it often happens to men past 30.
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… because what is more obscene than feeding your hungry children?! I mean, UGH.
I am being hyperbolic; the comedy site Funny Or Die was not. Comedian Ahna Tessler is a breastfeeding mama of twins and she submitted a skit of herself, which incorporated the breastfeeding, on Funny Or Die. The short skit called “Leah Got A Job” is about a woman who just got hired as an art teacher even though she hates children — and while she’s bitching about kids, the camera pans down to where a baby is latched to each boob. It’s shocking only because seeing a woman breastfeeding her child on camera is shocking — after two seconds of shock, it’s just “oh, she’s feeding the kids.” The video isn’t even that funny. Overall, it’s not a big deal.
At least, not to me. Funny Or Die thought differently. According to The New York Times, Ahna Tessler’s video was flagged as “obscene” — perhaps by a moderator — and not published. But what’s really a headscratcher is that her previous Funny Or Die videos were all taken down and her account with the site was suspended. Keep reading »
There’s no joy quite like like surprising your boo, or your gyno, with a temporary tattoo on your boobies. Whether you want to convey “Satisfaction Guaranteed” or “100% Natural,” a company called TaTaToos will sell you tats for $10, one for each boobie. There’s even special holiday-themed ta-ta tats reading “Santa’s Helper,” “Trick Treat” and “Touch Down.” What a way to class up second-base. [TaTaToos.com via The Gloss]
Attention, womenfolk, something new for you to fear: your body eating your breast implant! While stretching during a Pilates class, 59-year-old woman’s implant slipped through an incision from a recent heart valve surgery and lodged itself near her lung. Her doctors had cleared her for exercise after the heart surgery when the boob job strayed. So how did her breast implant get swallowed whole? One doctor interviewed by CBS News surmised that the stretching and breathing exercises in Pilates may have worked “like a vacuum” and “sucked in the implant.” Yummy! We’re glad to hear this lady’s doctors were able to snatch that wayward boobie and put it back in its place. [CBS News] Keep reading »