Holy moley, were there a lot of boob stories in 2014! You’d think that between #BreakTheInternet and “Anaconda,” this year would go to butts, but you’d be wrong. We learned a lot about Dolly Parton’s boobs, Free the Nipple became part of the feminist movement, and Jasmine Tridevil beguiled us all. Click through to see the best of this year’s boob news!
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OK fine, whatever, so Jasmine Tridevil’s third boob is kind of improbable. Maybe it’s prosthetic. I’m just going to believe in tri-boob like I used to believe in Santa Claus.
Those kindly buzzkills at The Daily Dot decided to debunk the tri-boob by, you know, talking to plastic surgeons about it. I accept that the plastic surgeon they talked to says that if she were to be able to find a surgeon to do it, the middle boob wouldn’t end up looking like it does in her pictures. Keep reading »
Just kidding, this is not actually awesome news, unless you are actually the type of person who would want markedly bigger boobs for just 24 hours. According to the New York Times, women are asking for saline injections in their boobs, increasing their busts by as much as two cup sizes — but the results only last 24 hours. I’m tempted to mock this plastic surgery trend — which sounds really bizarre and questionable to me — because I can’t imagine spending that much money on something with such a short lifespan. HOWEVER! While I would never do or pay for such a thing seriously, I would be interested in road-testing the practical joke opportunities this presents. Perhaps my girls could get an injection just before a hot overnight date — imagine the look on some poor confused schmuck’s face as he realizes the D-cup breasts he motorboated at night somehow magically shrunk to a regular ol’ B-cup in the morning light. Talk about a cool party trick. If any practicing plastic surgeon wants to offer me a one-time freebie, shoot me an email! [NYMag.com]
As if you needed another reason not to film porn in God’s house: a woman in Austria got caught having filmed XXX video inside a Catholic church because someone recognized her boobs. An Austrian man warned his local priest that he had recognized the inside of a Hoersching church “while surfing the Internet” (uh huh). In the video, the woman carresses her boobs while holding a Bible and a rosary. The media then posted stills from the videos — hey, things are more liberal in Europe — and a tipster actually got in touch with police to say he recognized her boobs. The culprit turned out to be a 24-year-old Polish woman who posts porn videos online under the name “Babsi.” She has given a “full confession” to police and the church has decided they do not need to go ahead with a reconsecration. At least “Babsi” has some pretty memorable boobs to take away the sting of her charges of offending religious feeling and desecration of a church. [Austrian Times; Huffington Post][Image of church via Shutterstock]
When I was a girl, if you wanted to grow bigger breasts you either did those exercises Judy Blume wrote about in Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margaret (“I must, I must, I must increase my bust!”) or you went on the birth control pill. Now, a “Japanese YouTube star” named Ryoko has a new method: rubbing raw vegetables on her boobs.
You can watch Ryoko do strange, mostly SFW things with an array of fresh-picked veggies after the jump: Keep reading »