“They’re not very big, my boobs, so they just became normal size. I loved it! I felt very Woman. When you’ve had a slightly androgynous body your whole life, having breasts is a nice feeling.”

—Nicole Kidman on how her breasts changed after giving birth to Sunday Rose, in an interview with Ladies Home Journal. Clearly, she wishes they were still that voluptuous, given the push-up she was giving her rack last week. [Just Jared]

Win a prize, cop a feel! Claw vending machines in Japan have been known to offer bizarre-o prizes like live crabs or turtles, cigarettes, underwear, power drills and packages of American $2 notes—so, by comparison, these busty stress relief balls seem vaguely normal. Or not. [Inventorspot]

In strange boob news you can use, two new stories emerge on the breast front: a surgically implanted bra and an effort to regrow breast tissue. Israeli researchers are working on Cup&Up, a bra that’s inserted into the body. The Minimally Invasive Mastopexy is supposedly less intrusive than a typical breast augmentation. Adi Cohen, the man behind the “internal bra,” explains: “What we’ve done is build a silicone bra, insert it into the body and attach it to the ribs and to the fascia.” So far, though, they’ve only tested the Cup&Up on ... pigs. Meanwhile, in Australia, researchers are working on ways to regrow human breast tissue, which could help cancer survivors. Let the cyborg breast revolution begin. [Gizmodo, Newser]

I was sitting around the other day, and I was thinking, you know what I really need? And then I thought, what I really need is USB-powered breast warmers. And then, voilà! There they were. That’s serendipity for you. Japanese manufacturer Thanko has created the USB Bust Beauty Pad for those who suffer from chilly breasts, and it can be yours for a mere $20. Plug the device into the USB port of your computer, stick the pad in your bra, and your breasts will be toasty in no time. Um, do some women’s breasts actually get cold? I’ve never heard of this phenomenon. But to each her own breast-warmer. [The Awl]

In an always appreciated roundup of information I actually need, the folks over at Asylum put together a list of bizarro breast enlargement techniques that don’t require several thousand dollars and a surgeon. The approach given the most credibility is, surprisingly, tit-no-therapy. I mean hypnotherapy. Because I’m not nine years old. Some people really do seem to take it seriously. The Body Contouring Programme, which sells hypnosis books and CDs for brightening the headlights, cites a list of publications that have given the thumbs up to hypnosis for bigger boobs, including two references by Deepak Chopra. The most recent of Deepak’s articles, though, was written in 1993. In fact the most recent publication referenced on the website was from 1993. Have breast enlargement hypnotherapy techniques sat stagnant that long? Are boob whisperers on the endangered species list? The Body Contouring Programme says its current in-office sessions cost $1500—is it wrong that I’m this curious? [Asylum]

I’ve always thought it was really sweet that Jessica Simpson and Dolly Parton are friends. When Jessica flubbed the words to “9 to 5” performing for President Bush a few years back, Dolly said to the press, “Jessica is so talented that I’m sure that someday they will be paying tribute to her.” When folks poked fun at Jessica’s weight, Dolly told Larry King, “People always treat her bad. They always talk bad about her. I just recorded a song with her a few months ago. And I’ve never been around a person any sweeter in my life.” These two have a ton in common—the big blond hair, the country roots, and, of course, their massive chests. Well, last night on Twitter, they finally acknowledged the latter commonality. Dolly Tweeted, “Ahhh chiropractor ... Hurts so good : - ) you lug these around and see if your back don’t hurt!” To which Jessica responded, “Amen sister : - ).”

Here’s hoping they start a group called the Big Tittie Committee and invite Pamela Anderson to join them in discussing the woes of being top-heavy. [Huffington Post]

Tila Tequila wants to give back to the world. That’s why she is donating a plaster cast of her boobs to a charity auction. The Keep a Breast Foundation, the recipient of the proceeds of her boobies, certainly isn’t batting a nipple at her auction item. Get out your checkbooks, folks, because the likeness of Tila’s girls is already going for over $45,000 and there are still seven more days of bidding. I wonder how much they’ll go for? [New York Post]

Tila isn’t the first celeb to auction off racy items. After the jump, some more naughty celebrity auction items. Ooh la la!

Hallelujah! We interrupt your moment of worrying about impending crow’s feet and forehead creases to distract you with yet another aging “ailment” that you need to start fixating on ASAP! Whether you’ve considered it or not, your cleavage has the potential to get old and crinkly, just like the rest of you! First on the menu—for all you mild cases out there—we’ve got a backwards-looking, cup-less bra (pictured) that promises to prevent those unfortunate chest creases you get while sleeping. Order La Decollette here immediately, because let’s face it: It’s a great holiday gift for you, your mom and grandma. But that’s not all!

I am a busty lady, and what might suck most about it is never finding a supportive sports bra—I’ve always had to wear two to make sure the Boobsey Twins stay in place when I’m on a run or working out. While there are solutions out there for C, D, and larger cupped ladies, I find a lot of these bras are either made for women who also have larger bodies or they’re simply so freakin’ ugly that I just can’t bring myself to wear what looks like some t-shirt flotation device. My latest discovery is this Adidas “Simia” sports bra with underwire (underwire—thank you!). It also has all the makings of a sturdy workout garment—molded cups, wide straps and a hooked back closure. How about that. [$40, ShopAdidas.com]

Now here’s a dilemma I’ve never had to worry about since l was 12 and grew size-C boobs one night in the middle of 7th grade: to wear a bra or not to wear a bra? See, even after breast reduction surgery when I was 19, I still can’t fathom actually going braless out in public. I rarely even feel comfortable enough to free-ball it in the privacy of my own home (my boobs at 33 simply aren’t what — or where — they were 10 years ago). That isn’t to say I’m not a little jealous of women who don’t have to wear a bra. When I read that quote from Christina Applegate about the, uh, perk of going braless since getting implants after her double mastectomy for breast cancer, I thought, Well, at least there’s one upside! But then, I still have to wonder, just because a woman feels she can go braless, does that mean it’s appropriate?

Did you see this chick who uses her funbags as a purse? Man, she can cram a lot of junk in her set. I am also a fan of putting my Grand Titons, a natural resource, to good use. In fact, I like to call my pair “nature’s pockets” because cleavage is a great place to keep a wad of cash or even your cell phone. Hey, use what ya got, right?! So, to help inspire your tittie committee to think out of the box, here are 21 things your boobs can do for you…

This past weekend I was telling a friend that I was headed to J.Crew this week to try to on wedding dresses. I know without trying one gown on, with a dress that emotionally loaded, I’ll never find something that makes me go OMFG-this-is-the-ONE. I’m too picky, and even though I’ve been known to spend a ridiculous $500-plus on a cocktail dress, there’s something about dropping thousands on a dress I’ll surely only wear once that makes me cringe. My friend replied, “Oh, I love their dresses but have you seen my boobs? J.Crew dresses just aren’t made for people with bigger chests, so I could never wear their bridal gowns.” And after a split second of thought, I mentally agreed, Yeah, she’s 100 percent dead-on with that.

According to a new study, today’s girls are reaching for bras about a year earlier than they did 15 years ago. Yep, for some reason, it looks like girls are going through puberty much earlier than they did generations ago. Young women who blossom early are more likely to have problems with breast cancer, depression, and substance abuse, not to mention the fact that they have to spend more money on tampons and deal with more menstrual cramps over the course of a lifetime. So what’s going on here?

Photographer Jordan Matter’s new coffee table book, Uncovered: Women In Word and Image, was just released, and it features more than 80 New York women baring their breasts in public (legal in NYC). The project came about after “Nipplegate”—when Janet Jackson “exposed” her nipple on the Super Bowl halftime show—and, “I got to thinking about our culture of covering up.” In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Matter says, “The book became less political and much more about the empowerment that the women would feel. The photo subjects found the option of not covering up to be incredibly liberating.” Matter chose a wide variety of different women with different body types and breast sizes for the project, which makes the images especially compelling. [Amazon]

I have something in common with Lauren Hutton and writer Peggy Orenstein. I accept the gap between my two front teeth. After three sets of braces when I was younger and years without a retainer, I can still look a dentist and my reflection in the eye and say, “I like my smile the way it is.” It’s a trademark passed down to me by my mother.

But while I’m able to embrace my gap, a couple of scars, and other “flaws,” I’m still unable to come to terms with the cruel joke DNA has played on me. You see, I’ve always wanted boobs and figured I had a pretty good chance of getting them because ample bosoms run on both sides of my family.

Are you tired of useless products and having big boobies? Well, The Kush can finally solve both your problems and put you to sleep! Uh, that is so long as you can sleep while getting tittie humped by a $55 piece of plastic. Sweet dreams!