Important life lesson: if you’ve got two sacks of silicone dangling from your chest, do not put yourself near things flying through the air at 190 mph. Sadly, that is a lesson that one 26-year-old woman in the UK had to learn firsthand. This young filly was shot in the breast while playing paintball and saw a doctor a few days later when the pain had not subsided. It turns out her breast implant had ruptured from the force of the paintball, which is allegedly the first-recorded injury of this kind. UKPaintball in South London, the scene of the crime, is keen for this incident to be the last. “We want to ensure nothing like this happens ever again,” a spokesman told The Sun UK. “We’re now providing additional padding around the chest region to any surgically enhanced female participants. They just need to contact their local venue, tell them they have fake breasts, let them know their bra size and then the centre will take care of the rest.” I cannot tell if that last part is tongue-in-cheek. Do they really think women want to be known around the paintball field as The Chick With Fake Boobs Who Needs Extra Padding? [The Sun UK] Keep reading »
Breast implants are safe … kind of …. according to a new report by the Food and Drug Administration that declares silicone boob jobs have an expiration date of five to 10 years. “Breast implants are not lifetime devices,” the report says. “The longer a woman has silicone gel-filled breast implants, the more likely she is to experience complications.” The biggest complications — ick, ick, ick! — are tissue hardening around the implant or the implant rupturing and leaking into a woman’s body. Statistics about how often fake titties are removed are surprising: The FDA also noted that 1 in 5 women who get breast implants (regardless of whether its for cosmetic reasons or reconstruction surgery) will need another operation in 10 years. When a woman gets implants for cosmetic reasons — which the American Society of Plastic Surgeon acknowledges is the primary reason women get boob jobs — there’s a 1-in-5 chance they’ll need to be removed within 10 years. And when her implants are part of a reconstruction, such as after a mastectomy, there’s a 1-in-2 chance the implants will need to be removed within five years. In other words, instead of looking at a boob job as something to keep your girls perky until you die, think of plastic surgery as a temporary investment. Or just a risk. [AFP] Keep reading »
It figures a mother who made headlines when she taught her six-year-old daughter to pole dance would find another way to make the news: Sarah Burge of the UK gave her girl, Poppy, a voucher for breast implants on her 7th birthday. Burge, who is known as “the Human Barbie” for her slavish devotion to her plasticine looks, said Poppy can cash in her boob job after she turns 16 and her natural boobs have grown in. Do I even need to write about how promising an elementary schooler that she can get a boob job is really f**ked up? No? Cool.
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Wondering what would your breasts look like if they were bigger? There’s an app for that! iAugment is a Photoshop-style iPhone app that uses a 3D pic of your chest to show you how you’d look with bigger jigglies. iAugment allows you to view 17 different breast implant sizes — from “Blake Lively goes softcore” to “Sheyla Hershey circus boobs.” (Just kidding, they’re not really called that.) Created by plastic surgeon Elizabeth Kinsley from New Orleans, the iAugment app claims to help women decide if they really want a boob job. In reality, I think we all know that
14-year-old boys every adult man we know is going to digitally play with their lady friend’s boobs on iAugment ad nauseum. Amiright, boys? [Daily Mail UK] Keep reading »
Big fake titties? American politicians can’t get enough of ‘em. But Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is firmly anti-breast implants. Speaking on a United Nations summit on great racks a state-run television station, Chavez railed against plastic surgeons who “convince some women that if they don’t have some big bosoms they should feel bad.” Chavez added that some women in Venezuela, where the breast implant business is booming, will get plastic surgery even if they’re struggling to make ends meet, which he called a “monstrous thing.” Hmm, I guess the president is not a fan of Venezuelan beauty pageants, then.
The Frisky called the White House for a comment on Obama’s stance on fake boobs. We have yet to hear back by press time. [TIME] Keep reading »
I step into the doctor’s office for a simple checkup and want the highest drugs possible to knock me out. But some women are getting breast implants and staying wide awake during the invasive surgery. Yowza! Said Kelly McCoy of Plano, Texas, a 23-year-old who had her B-cup breasts enlarged to C-cups, “Just the fact that I don’t have to undergo general anesthesia and the fact that I get to have a hand in seeing what the end result is going to be was like a huge selling point to me.” Apparently, not getting anesthesia is worth being able to give “final approval” to your plastic surgeon while you’re under the knife. So, how painful is undergoing plastic surgery while wide awake? Keep reading »
The world laughed when Heidi Montag said that she felt like she was trapped in her own body because of her enormo breast implants. But I totally understand what she’s talking about.
At 25, I had lost a large amount of weight and my body fat percentage was drastically reduced in a short period of time. This worked wonders for my ass, but wreaked havoc on my chest. I remarked to my girlfriends one night after a few too many drinks that I had tiger nipples. This description, complete with claws and roaring noises, was a reference to the stretch marks that cut deep swaths in my once firm skin. I was in an unhealthy relationship at the time and at the urging of my partner, I decided to do something about my prematurely sagging breasts. Keep reading »
Earlier this summer, the world met Sheyla Hershey of Houston, Texas, who possesses the world’s biggest breasts. Sheyla’s knockers measure in at 38KKK, courtesy of some sketchy-sounding surgery that took place in Brazil because plastic surgery laws there are looser. Alas, Sheyla learned the hard way that carrying around a gallon of silicone in your ta- tas is dangerous when they developed a staph infection. Keep reading »