I have a client who broke up with a partner recently and is back on the dating market — yet again. This time, however, the former partner, whom I also knew, reached out to me to get advice on what to do, and to see if the relationship could be saved.
The fact is, both of the partners in this relationship are really good people who were very happy not so long ago. But as you’re about to find out, a simple mistaken conclusion and a very easily corrected challenge have turned seemingly fatal. It’s always sad when two good people lose their way, but this story is so tragic and easily preventable that I knew I had to share it as a teachable moment. Read more at Your Tango…
Even though I’m a cat lady by choice – minus the terrifying figurines and embroidered pillows – when my ex started dating someone new, my reaction was … let’s just say, unexpected.
I’d like to foreshadow this tale of my psychotic break by mentioning our breakup was totally mutual. It was one of those “Leave It to Beaver”-esque, respectful breakups that if re-enacted for stage and screen would be as exciting as sobriety.
There was the occasional sob – I mean, hello, we’d been together for five years! – followed by the classic after-all-we’ve-been-through-let’s-be-BFFs routine which ended with a joint custody kerfuffle over our cat (pffft, yeah right, and ruin my new persona?). All in all, a pretty mature outcome if you ask me.
We went on like this for about six months or so: chitchatting about work and school, sharing adorable cat pictures, and updating each other about our families.
Then, it happened.
The mofo started dating someone new and I was blindsided by the news in the most clichéd way possible: on Facebook. There, on my newsfeed, was his updated profile picture – a pukey couple shot from one of their dates, followed by nauseating comments from their family and friends. Keep reading »
Hair is so linked to how we feel and everyone goes for something radical after a break-up, but my advice if you’ve just suffered heartbreak or you’ve broken up with someone, is to not touch your hair. It’s the first thing women do, but you’re not in a fit state to make decisions that are long-term — you’ll have to spend the next four years growing it out. Don’t have a fringe cut. Don’t bleach it. Don’t do anything, because you will regret it. Buy a lipstick instead. Go and kiss loads of other people, but don’t f***ing touch your hair, as you’ll still feel sad — and you’ll have weird hair.
— The relationship between breakups (or breakdowns, for that matter) and bad, often self-inflicted haircuts is indisputable. Negative feelings seem to beget the compulsion to reach for a pair of scissors like nothing else in the world. So listen to Alexa Chung when she says just don’t fucking do it, if for no other reason than that she has excellent hair and that she’s also 100 percent accurate when she says that you won’t feel any different but your hair will definitely look shittier. I know it’s tempting. Abstain. [Stylist.co.uk]
Breakups are brutal, and we rarely end a relationship with all of our feelings, regrets and issues off our chest. Instead, we’re left with a tornado of confusing emotions accumulating debris inside of us, potentially setting off some really bad decision-making. The post-breakup email would be at the top of that list. It’s totally understandable to want to send one last email — either for closure or answers or to explain yourself, but more often, as a medium for your residual hurt and anger. While all of those reasons seem really valid, you have to let go of the idea that sending the email will make you feel better. It most certainly won’t. DO NOT SEND A POST-BREAKUP EMAIL. Let me repeat that. DO NOT HIT SEND.
The only person who really gets hurt by sending out that post-breakup email is you. Unless your ex is a straight up sociopath, he already feels bad about breaking your heart, but sending a bitchy/snarky/sympathy-seeking/guilt-tripping/nailing-ass-to-wall email just lets him off the hook.You might think having the last word will make him feel worse, but in fact, they will actually make him feel better. Any negative feelings he had about you — you just validated them when you hit send. Keep reading »
Ex-boyfriends, they say the darndest things! Most of the time, they’re blathering on is fairly harmless, but sometimes they can say things that are so egregiously clueless/insensitive/crappy that they really warrant special attention. Case in point, a couple of weeks ago, an ex of mine started telling me about his latest breakup. As he was explaining why his girlfriend had dumped him — because, she said, vaguely, she wanted to work on herself — I was struck by the inadvertent irony. That was the same bogus reason he used to break up with me! Wow, karma really is a bitch.
I knew I couldn’t be the only one whose ex had absentmindedly said something so perfectly clueless. So I asked around, and collected 10 actually-true things our exes have said to us. Click through for our most annoying ex quotes — and how we reacted to them — and please share yours in the comments!
Keep reading »
This morning, we told you about how Rihanna is reportedly headed to Recovery Ranch, a love and relationship rehab located in Tennessee. The reason? Rihanna is supposedly still not over her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown. The couple split up in 2009 after he beat her, and then got back together this past year, but broke up again a few months ago. A source (dubious, but a source) told Grazia magazine, “Rihanna is still desperately in love with Chris. It’s like she’s obsessed with him and, although he’s told her it’s over, she just can’t get over him.” So, to deal with that, she’ll allegedly be taking off time from her world tour to attend the Centers for Relationship and Sexual Recovery program. But what is a relationship rehab, anyway?
To start with, the program is focused on treating sex and love addiction in women. According to the program’s website, patients receive gender-specific, trauma-focused therapy; group therapy; equine therapy; and 12-step meetings. The program is fully gender-separate so women can focus on healing (they also run a separate program for men). The program aims to “and eliminate problem patterns of sexual behavior, while helping our clients regain dignity, self-respect, and the trust of those they love.” The program focuses on early childhood trauma and patterns of abuse that may have led the patient to pursue and stay in abusive relationships as adults. Keep reading »
Oh, hi Dave! It’s been really fun dating you for the past couple of years! I’m so glad we moved in together, so that when I found out you were cheating on me with Kelsi, it was easier for me to find and hide all of your precious belongings. Here’s this fun scavenger hunt I put together, commemorating some of the more important moments in our relationship (or should I say fauxlationship?). You were always shitty at remembering my birthday/Valentine’s Day/the color of my eyes, so I’m sure you’ll have no trouble figuring out where you crap is.
See you never! Love, Ally.
– The Post-it note that I imagine was stuck on this amazingggggg letter one frustrated girlfriend wrote to her lyin’ cheatin’ boyfriend. [Metro]
You swear you’ve moved on from your ex, but then you find yourself stalking his Facebook page, drunk texting, and “coincidentally” ending up in his neighborhood — sound familiar? Accepting that you’re not over him is the first step to actually getting over him, so to help you ditch the denial stage, we’ve rounded up some clear signs that you’re still in love with your ex. Struggling to move on and sick of the sad breakup songs? Take a look at these hilarious GIFs to have a laugh and move forward! Read more on Tres Sugar…
In my experience, breakup music can go two ways: there’s the soft, sad, slow, wallowing type, and then there’s the upbeat and/or aggressive type that makes you feel like you’ve got the world by the balls, and fuck him, anyway. Personally, I usually begin with the former and progress to the latter over time, once I feel like I’ve gotten all of the tears and self-pity out of the way and I’m ready to move on to not giving a fuck. And you know what’s the best music for making you feel like you just don’t give a fuck? Yeah, it’s probably gonna be rap. But don’t just take it from me — impossibly rad rock star Kim Gordon, who split from her Sonic Youth bandmate Thurston Moore in late 2011 after 30 years together, knows that hip-hop, or what she calls “Traumatized Good Times Tunes,” are kind of the panacea for heartbreak and that gross, creeping “oh my god I feel so sorry for myself I could die” feeling. Gordon revealed her personal playlist and, no surprise here, it’s pretty legit, featuring tracks by Joey Bada$$, Boss, and Gang Starr, and the obligatory Iggy Azalea guilty pleasure. Check it out. We recommend. [Refinery29]
Celebrity gossip is not the place to look for nuance or thoughtfulness. A lot of it is downright sexist. Take, for example, today’s headline on New York Post gossip page’s Page Six column, “Selena Gomez ‘To Blame For Justin Bieber’s Behavior’.”
You’re probably aware that pop stars Gomez and Bieber were, for a time, a couple. They broke up. You’re also probably aware that Bieber has been losing it a little bit lately: arguing with his neighbors, showing up late/canceling concerts, trying to fight paparazzi, running around in gas masks, abandoning his pet monkey.
Apparently, all of that is his ex-girlfriend’s fault! Keep reading »