Tag Archives: breakup

Girl Talk: On Carpetbombing A Relationship

Jessica WakemanSeptember 9, 2011 //

“It was like I had to do something serious, something to cause a rift, that we couldn’t come back from.”

That was my friend Caitlin*. She stopped me dead in my tracks. We were walking off brunch last Sunday afternoon, a brunch filled with sharing our mutual dating tales and reminiscing about our past relationships that brought us to where we are today. Caitlin started telling me for the first time about her ex-boyfriend, a guy she had been with for four years in her late teens and early-20s. They’d fallen in love, moved in together and settled down seemingly happily. Then Caitlin started to feel anxious. She was too young to settle down. She wanted to “go out.” She wanted to have more life experiences that didn’t necessarily involve him. It wasn’t that he was doing anything wrong; in fact, she still recalled him sweetly. So she started to sabotage the relationship, to hurt him so badly that they had to break up.

She had carpetbombed the relationship. She needed to carpetbomb the relationship. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Compromising Positions

Jessica WakemanJuly 1, 2011 //

I made decision when I was a young adult on the kind of regrets I’d try to have: I want to regret only the things I did do, not the things I didn’t. So far it’s worked out just as I’ve hoped. I have never had to look back and wish I had fallen deeply in love, or traveled around Europe when I was young, or quit a steady job to freelance write fulltime, because I’ve done all of those things. I’m proud that I have very few regrets about things in my life I have done — very, very few, like, I’m struggling to think of examples now. But as each month brings more and more distance between myself and a devastating heartbreak I suffered with the guy I wanted to spend my life with, one regret is becoming pronounced. I look back now and I’m not proud of all the small compromises that I made for him without, I think, getting as much as I should have in return. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: When Breakups Get Ugly

Jessica WakemanMay 5, 2011 //

I guess I was lucky: I made it to age 26 without any really messy breakups. Sure, there were breakups that I thought were bad at the time. In the moment, they all felt terrible. But getting dumped after traveling an hour and a half to see someone or getting dumped on a sailboat in the middle of Long Island Sound — two breakups from my “Worst Of The Worst Highlights Reel” — mostly turned out to be good stories later. Hurt feelings soothed, cooler heads prevailed and I’m pretty much on friendly terms with everyone I’ve ever dated. I even had a coffee with one of my ex-boyfriends just recently. For better or for worse, I’m a deeply loyal and forgiving person. I see the best in people because I want to see the best in people. My most recent breakup was messy and nasty from the get-go and I’m adamant now that we can’t be friends. I put that relationship behind me as much as I could. So I was totally unprepared this week when it once again got unexpectedly nasty. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Get More Than One Shot At Love

Jessica WakemanMarch 31, 2011 //
Dating Good Guys
boyfriend photo
Not every woman wants to date an a-hole. Read More »
Welcome To Heartbreak
broken heart photo
Jessica is suddenly single. Find out what happened. Read More »
Dater X
dating photo
Ten things Dater X did right as a single girl. Read More »

The other day, my new dude, Juan, and I were talking about breakups. We both went through bad ones in the past six months or so and he has a female friend who’s in the drinking-and-crying stage of a breakup now. (‘Tis the season, I guess?) After they hung out, Juan told me he could still recall the sting she’s feeling right now.

“I remember how that is: feeling like no one is ever going to love you in the same way again,” he said. “You feel at that time like it couldn’t possibly happen ever again … even though you know logically that it will.”

When he said that, something clicked in me. That’s it. That’s the anxiety that I have been feeling these past three months after the end of a love affair. I have a complete willingness to get back on the saddle but have been feeling like no one is ever going to love me “in the same way again.” The feeling — for whatever reason — that I had only one chance at this.

Tila Tequila gets, like, 45 shots at love. Why did I convince myself that I don’t get more than one? Keep reading »

How To Handle Awkward Moments Without A Panic Attack

Jessica WakemanMarch 30, 2011 //

Karma’s a bitch, dude. This morning, I was frolicking through Starbucks, smiling to myself about how awesome my life has gotten. On Friday, I’m moving out of my parents’ house and into my own apartment. Today I woke up next to my new Gentleman Caller the night after we decided to date each other exclusively. The sun is shining. The birds were trilling. Tra la la la la la la!

And then I ran into the woman whose ex-boyfriend cheated on her with me two years ago. A woman who didn’t respond to my multiple apologetic emails because, let’s be honest, she probably hates my putrid guts. Keep reading »

Does Your Ex “Owe” You Something After A Nasty Breakup?

Jessica WakemanMarch 16, 2011 //
10 Coldest Celeb Breakups
Taylor Swift Joe Jonas photo
Damn, these breakups were icy! 10 Photos »
Celeb Breakups On Twitter
Miley Cyrus Twitter photo
Twelve celebs who took their breakups to Twitter. (Bad, bad idea.) 11 Photos »

I usually don’t find myself cheering for lawsuits, but this one is an exception: a jilted bride from Chicago is suing her ex-fiancé for the costs of the wedding after he cheated on her at his Las Vegas during his bachelor party and then called the wedding off when he got caught.

Pardon my ’90s expression, but “You go, girl!” Keep reading »

I Will Survive

Jessica WakemanFebruary 25, 2011 //

At first I was afraid, I was petrified … and then I realized I’m awesome and forgot about that loser. But if your breakup isn’t going as swiftly, get your hands on this “I Will Survive.” The Band-aid-like tin comes with a heart-shaped charm, a remedy booklet, and your very own recovery certificate. Most importantly, it also comes with affirmation cards for those dark moments when you can’t see out from the bottom of the pint of Chunky Monkey. Get this “I Will Survive” Breakup Kit and pair it with The Frisky’s very own 30-Day Breakup Guide, duh!

[$12.99 Mod Cloth]

7 Things We Hate About The Way Men Break Up With Us

Jessica WakemanFebruary 15, 2011 //

There’s never a perfect way to execute a breakup. But there’s certainly things men do that make it worse. (Or the way women break up with us, for those of you who are Sapphic-ly inclined.)

For instance, I had a guy break up with me after I’d just had sex with him and paid for his takeout sushi. My most recent breakup happened over the phone, he lined up a date with another girl literally the next week using a gift certificate his father had given me for Christmas, and he removed all my things from our bedroom and piled them on the kitchen table to “help” me move out. Oh, and there was the whole threatening to throw my things in the trash thing! That was fun, too. Really, a lovely breakup it was.

I know women who have gotten dumped on or just before Valentine’s Day. I know women who’ve gotten dumped over IM. I know women who have been cheated on with other women in their office. There’s clearly a lot of foul play out there when it comes to breaking up … so let’s take a trip down memory lane, shall we? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Not Ready To Date Again

Jessica WakemanFebruary 8, 2011 //

Last week, I went on a date. I haven’t been on a date in two years, owing to the relationship I was in that recently ended, and it was the most nerve wracking experience since the first day of high school. I tried on, like, six different outfits. I spent an hour and a half showering and doing my hair and makeup. As I walked to the restaurant where we’d agreed to meet for dinner, I forced myself to take long, deep breaths of the cold February air to calm down. It only kind of worked.

There’s no question my two-year relationship changed me from being the kind of girl who would sleep with two different men in one weekend just to have fun to a “relationship girl.” I feel like my wild oats were thoroughly sown — which is a good thing! — and that I matured a lot in the past few years. After the security, intimacy and love that I had with Ex-Mr. Jessica, I don’t think I could go backwards to being the rowdy girl I was before. At least right now, hopping in and out of bed with different dudes for fun just plain doesn’t interest me.

But I don’t know if I can do the exact opposite, either. The idea of dating someone seriously again, with the intention a relationship, is seriously daunting. Remember, I was dumped only a little over a month ago. Dipping my pinky toe into dating again — albeit briefly — has only shown me it’s too soon: I am still way, way, waaaay too messed up by all the things Ex-Mr. Jessica did to me to do this. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’ve Moved Out Of Our Apartment

Jessica WakemanJanuary 26, 2011 //

Of all the aspects that were difficult about my recent breakup from my boyfriend of two years, the hardest was moving out of the apartment that we shared together. You can verbally say all kinds of things: we’re broken up, we’re on a break, we’re seeing other people, whatever. Those words might change from day to day. But pulling your sundresses off the closet hangers feels final. Same goes for taking your face wash out of the shower. I built a life, a relationship, with someone and then all of a sudden, it was just my things in an apartment that was now his. Keep reading »

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