Last night I was thrown for a loop when I ran into a long-ago ex at a party that he had no business (that I could fathom) attending. I was not happy to see him. In fact, over the past ten or so years, I’ve made it a point to avoid being anywhere he might be. I haven’t been pining; he’s someone I actively avoid because he’s psychotic and I had no idea what he—or I—would do if we ever crossed paths again. I’m not a violent person, but the thought of stabbing him in the eye is not an unpleasant one.

When you’ve tracked as many laps around the block as I have, you’re bound to run into the occasional ex—even the ones you’d rather forget. As the rage disappeared along with the tequila in my glass, I got to thinking about how just the random act of running into someone can ruin, or make, your day.

Your relationship wasn’t working out, so you broke up. Mission accomplished, right? Sometimes, though, having your ex in your life can be more complicated than you’d think. You could be sabotaging your future happiness if you’re making one of six ex-related mistakes. Find out what they are!

I’m suddenly reminded of a quote from a book I read long ago. The book is titled Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (you may remember the movie of the same name starring Kevin Spacey). “Truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you want, and I’ll believe what I know.”

Yesterday, I poured over Wendy’s “15 Signs You’re Over Your Ex,” and then immediately felt tempted to catch up on my Facebook “reading.” I’m weak, weak I tell you! I know I already cried on your shoulder about the “Signs You Should Take Your Ex Back” -- and then totally messed them up myself. Guess we all make mistakes. But I wonder, what if he had brought me flowers or even a box of candy one of those times he showed up at my door? Would a simple gesture have convinced me to give it one more go? That’s what Japanese artist Mashairo Minami bets. He just won first place at the Tokyo Midtown Awards for his Samurai hair-shaped candies, which say “I’m sorry, baby” oh-so sweetly. Since a Samurai’s badass chonmage (top knot of hair) is also a mark of his pride and status, giving you the lock, let alone an edible piece, is supposed to show any woman r-e-s-p-e-c-t. Now, if a guy goes and cuts his real hair off, we might think he’s gone crazy, but would a token of gummi candy do the trick for you ladies?

Last week I started a discussion about how long it takes to get over an ex. Answers varied, of course, depending on lots of different factors, and some people even admitted they weren’t sure whether they’d ever get over an ex. While we may not be there now, most of us can remember a time when we wondered the very same thing. Fortunately, time really does heal most wounds and eventually the fog lifts and the day comes when you realize, suddenly, you’re gloriously, blessedly, wonderfully, finally over him! That day doesn’t come without warning, of course. There are always signs you’re moving on. After the jump, 15 ways to know you’re over an ex.

Perhaps the better question isn’t whether you would tell your BFF that you slept with her ex, but whether you’d sleep with her ex in the first place. And maybe a more interesting question is: how would you react if your best friend confessed she slept with your ex? A woman writing to the Daily Mail’s advice columnist, Rowan Pelling, may find out the answer to that very question. In her letter to Pelling, she writes: 

Six months ago, my best friend split up with her boyfriend of five years. She was desperately in love with him and heartbroken when he told her the relationship was over. I never thought they were ideally suited (neither did most of their friends) and wasn’t surprised that he told her he didn’t love her enough to marry her. A few weeks ago, I went to a party where my friend’s ex was also a guest. He talked to me all night, we danced and ended up going home together and having incredible sex. He says he’s always found me attractive and wanted to tell me years ago. We have amazing chemistry and if he were any other man we would be dating by now. But I know my best friend would be devastated. I’ve always told her everything, but now I feel too guilty to lift the phone for a chat. What should I do?

My boyfriend and I had broken up, and my heart was in pieces.

I needed a weird and fluky experience to distract me from reality and test my ability to feign composure. And, as we all know, the first step in getting over heartbreak is random sex. What better way to combine sex and weirdness than Craigslist, where people hook up based on absolutely nothing—luck, timing, fate?

I consulted my Meaningless Hookup Expert, aka my Best Gay Friend, to formulate a plan; presented here for your gawking/edification is our first-hand guide on how to have a cathartic, post-breakup, strings-free CL hookup.

A new study says it takes the typical person 17 months and 26 days to feel ready to move on after a divorce, which got me thinking: How long does it take to get over a regular ol’ breakup (you know, one that doesn’t require lawyers)? The answer, of course, is that there isn’t one right answer. It took years for me to get over my first love, someone I was with only about ten months. On the other hand, it took about six weeks before I was ready to move on after I ended a four-year, live-in relationship with another boyfriend. Of course, it actually took me the last two years we were together to finally pull the plug, but once I did there was no looking back.

New York magazine’s “Sex Diaries” issue is on stands now and it’s a fairly entertaining read. The feature spotlights a number of different New Yorkers who have shared the details of their sex life over a period of days. The one that interested me the most was written by a 29-year-old expat living in Cabo San Lucas with her boyfriend, or, rather, her “future ex-boyfriend” (FEB) whom she’s about to dump in favor of moving back to the states. Her sex diary is an up-and-down tale of being angry and then sad and then horny, as she and her FEB fight and then f**k. “It’s the first time I’ve ever cried during sex,” she writes, “And the first I’ve also had such a strong orgasm come with it.” Color me crazy, but when I’m angry or sad with a boyfriend, the last thing I want to do is screw. But maybe I’m alone! A commenter on her sex diary wrote, “I totally get the whole knowing-you’re-about-breakup-makes-hooking-up-awesome-thing.” Do you get it? Have you had amazing sex with someone, knowing the relationship was about to end? [NYMag.com]

Despite valiant human rights work on behalf of Angelina Jolie to make “the other woman” not look like a big ol’ skank, the truth is most people still think “the other woman” is ... well, a big ol’ skank. And guess what, ladies?! There’s this awesome double standard where people shrug their shoulders at Mr. Married But Couldn’t Keep His Pants Zipped and say, “Boys will be boys,” while they give you the stink-eye, you home-wreckin’ ho! So you have your work cut out for you!  Unfortunately, instead of hopping a cheap-o flight out of town to wash that man right out of her hair, some “other women” go a little bonkers when the man doesn’t ditch his wife.

There’s a superstition in Caribbean culture that says you should never buy your boyfriend or girlfriend shoes because he/she will use them to walk right out of your life. The one time I accepted shoes from a boyfriend (he wasn’t Caribbean), I hadn’t asked for them, and I broke up with him about a month later—all of this is more than a coincidence in my mind. So, shoe shopping has always been one of the ways I get over a breakup, because it’s easier to walk away from Mr. Wrong when I’m wearing super hot heels. And when I really think about it, quality shoes are more supportive and uplifting than a no-good man any day.

He’s the perfect height. He has perfect hands. You love his sister. You love his scent. How can you be with someone who doesn’t know how to play the tuba? Or speak French? He is perfect and everything about him is perfect by association. The problem is he doesn’t want to be with you. And now you’re never going to find love again. Right? Wrong. Here is what you need to remember:

Think you know everything there is to know about that ex you’ve obsessed over? Well, authors Heather Belle and Michelle Fiordaliso want you to know that there is so, so much more. (Curses!) The two psychotherapists have both “professional and personal experience with exes.” Some of us could use some pro insight on factors like how to be friends with an ex, whether you should get back together, why you really shouldn’t and, say, moving on. Their new book Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Ex tackles all of this. Anything that helps us step away from the dramz is probably a good thing, right? Read it when you’re contemplating a drunk dial. [Amazon]

I’ve been living with my boyfriend for a few months now. We’ve been together on and off for three years now and this is our third attempt at trying to be together romantically. Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and where I see myself going. It’s been no secret to my boyfriend that I’m not interested in marrying him. He’s even stated that he accepts it. However, I’ve been seriously thinking of joining the military after I’ve gotten my second degree and he is now telling me that I’ll have to marry him prior to joining the military otherwise we’ll never see each other. The thing is, I can’t help the way I feel about him. I’ve always known, (and been honest with him about it) that I wouldn’t marry him and that’s not going to change if I do join the military. What I need advice on now is, should I continue this relationship or not? Part of me feels like it’s wrong of me to be in a relationship with someone I don’t see a future with, yet at the same time, he’s stated that he’s alright with it. —Military Brat

So, it’s been a year since I got dumped. Frankly, I would not blame any of you for being at the point of thinking – if not saying – “Why the f**k hasn’t this bitch gotten over this yet?” I wonder the same thing myself.

There’s that saying that it takes half the length of the relationship to “get over it.” If that were the case, I would have another year and four months to go, God help me! But actually, I’m over the heartbreak. There’s not one ounce of me that’s still physically attracted to him. While I miss the friendship we had, the way he made me laugh, the sweet things he would do, like plate the dinner he made from scratch like we were dining at a fancy restaurant, and the fun we had traveling together, I don’t miss him as my boyfriend at all. That feels so amazing, I cannot even tell you. I could do cartwheels! (If I could do cartwheels, that is.)

You and your sweetie just don’t seem to connect as much, or as often as you used to. You fight more (or bicker about insignificant topics), you find yourself spending more time by yourself. How do you know if it is just a bad patch or if the relationship is over?

Sept. 14 marks the year anniversary of my ex deciding to take a break from our relationship. (Which means it’s also the one year anniversary of his relationship with his subordinate! Congrats, you two!) Can you believe I’ve been writing about this s**t for a year? Even though it feels like it went by in the blink of an eye, I also realize it took a while to realize how much better off I am; there were definitely times where I felt like I would never feel happy again.The thing is, I remember so many details about that day. First I had brunch with my friend Lise from high school at Thor on the Lower East Side. I had eggs Benedict; she had an omelet. Then I went to a little shop a couple blocks away (I still shop there) and I bought a dress—black tank-style, with a red, cream, and black abstract flower pattern on the skirt. I went to get my nails done—OPI’s Lincoln Park After Dark was the shade. Then I went to Whole Foods and I bought stuff to make for dinner. I was going to cook some weird combination of sausage, red peppers, feta cheese, and whole wheat pasta based on a dish my friend Teri had concocted. I never actually made it that night, of course. All of these details are ingrained in my brain, but I suspect I’m not alone in remembering so much minutiae from the day of my worst breakup. What random details do you remember about the day of your worst heartbreak?

Apparently unaware of the many ways this could backfire terribly, Wikler Moran-Mora, pastor of the Seventh Day Adventist Church of Reform in Tampa, FL, faked his own kidnapping so he could two-time his wife. According to police, Moran-Mora texted his wife last Tuesday evening to say he had been kidnapped, but that she should not worry because he was working to get released. But when police tracked down Moran-Mora’s location via his cell phone, they discovered “negotiating with kidnappers” actually meant “boning another woman.” The pastor has been charged with filing a false police report—and coming up with a really bad alibi. [ABC Action News]

But Moran-Mora actually isn’t the first genius who got caught being a liar, liar, pants on fire. A trip down memory lane, after the jump:

At this point in my life, I have enough memorabilia from broken relationships to fill an entire museum. As a writer, I tend to heal after a breakup by writing about it—helps me understand what went wrong. But there aren’t always words to express how painful, sad, annoying, or existentially confusing a breakup can be. And what about the physical, tangible objects left behind—the ones that you come across every so often in the garage that make you laugh, cry, or both. So, after hearing about some of the awesome projects at the Museum of Broken Relationships, a conceptual art museum in Croatia that attempts to create a space of “secure memory” and a safe place to get rid of “controversial objects” that trigger momentarily “undesirable” emotions, I started rummaging through some of my old broken-relationship booty to see what kind of project I could make. Here are my top 10 items.

On last night’s “Letterman,” Anne Heche spent a seriously large chunk of time making fun of her ex-husband, Coley Laffoon, whom she divorced in 2007 before shacking up with her “Men In Trees” co-star, James Tupper. She not only called Coley a “lazy ass,” but took things even further, having this to say about Coley’s current occupation:

“He goes out to the mailbox and he opens up the little mailbox door and goes, ‘Oh! I got a check from Anne! Oh! I got a check from Anne! Yay!’”

After a few minutes of this tirade, Anne started to look pretty vengeful. I mean, really, trash-talking your ex on national TV is just ... sad and kind of pathetic. Right? If you must vent some anger over an ex, please keep in mind these 10 rules.