There are two sides to almost every breakup — the dumper and the dumpee. (Sorry, I don’t buy those “mutual” decision splits. I’m sure they happen, but they’re as rare as a fat cell on Madonna’s rear end, so they don’t count.) While it’s ideal when both sides leave the relationship with dignity, it’s much easier to be the Gracious Ex when you’re the dumper. After all, it was your bright idea to break up. You’ve had time to wrap your head around it, and really, who are you kidding? You probably have a replacement lined up already. So, we’re going to start with you, the breaker-upper, because your list of “How Not to Be” is a lot shorter. Without further adieu, you definitely should not … Keep reading »
They said it wouldn’t last…and it didn’t. Another “Bachelorette” pairing bit the dust this week, as Jesse Csincsak announced on the couple’s website that he and DeAnna Pappas had split, via YouTube video. Warning: It is kind of painful to watch. It seems DeAnna told Jesse that she loves him but isn’t “in love” with him. CLICHE ALERT! Apparently, “The Bachelorette” would only be physically affectionate with Jesse when the cameras were pointed at them, which seems like a pretty bad sign to me. Anyway, does this mean that DeAnnaAndJesse.com is going to be no more? [People] Keep reading »
I’ve come to the conclusion that the absolute worst part of going through a breakup is that one of the common reactions is insane distrust — distrust of yourself, the person you were with, and of the relationship’s meaning. This is something I’ve been struggling with throughout my break/breakup/”separation” from my fiance, which has officially gone on for seven weeks exactly. Unfortunately, I may be aware that I’m filled with doubt, but I haven’t quite figured out how to stop doing it. After the jump, about 10,000 questions totally plaguing me. Keep reading »
It’s no secret that those in charge of deciding what and who deserves a holiday, the legal system, the government, and even the universe has something against single people. That explains why people getting married get to register for whatever expensive crap they want and people actually buy it for them — because we’ve been inudated since birth with the knowledge that people who are in love DESERVE PRESENTS.
Well, I’m here to say, that’s B.S. Why don’t we have divorce registries? And parties for people who have just been dumped and no longer have pots and pans because they’re crummy ex took them when he moved out? I got lost four times driving to Ikea this weekend because the ex took our (okay, his) dresser so I needed a new one. I didn’t end up buying a dresser, however, because A) the box weighed 300 pounds and I’m too pathetically weak to carry it and B) I don’t have a second person to help me put furniture together anymore anyway. I did come home with candles, wine glasses, and picture frames.
Keep reading »
Right now I’m going to be one of those slightly pathetic girls who reference an episode of “Sex and the City” to try and make a point, but then again who am I kidding, because I learned a lot from those four ladies. Thinking back to season three, when Charlotte was on the cusp of marrying Trey and found out she was getting locked into a shady prenuptial agreement has got me wondering about the subject. If I got married right now and my fiancé and I decided to have a prenuptial agreement, what the hell would he even be able to take from me? My favorite pillow? My DVR? My favorite necklaces? Oh wait I already lost those a week ago. Keep reading »
With Guy Ritchie and Madonna making their divorce plans official, you know that ho (as always) is going to turn to music to get her through it. Since she’s supposedly has A-rod waiting in the wings, her recovery period will probably only last a couple pop songs. Luckily, Madge won’t even have to search for tunes to express how she feels, since she already sings them! So here is our suggestions for Madonna’s Break Up Playlist featuring songs by Madonna.
“You need so much but not from me/Turn your back in my hour of need/ Something’s wrong but you pretend you don’t see/ I think I interrupt your life/ When you laugh, it cuts me just like a knife/ I’m not your friend, I’m just your little wife.” — ”Till Death Do Us Part” from “Like A Prayer”
This song from 1988 (during her marriage to Sean Penn) is all about a wife wishing her husband loved her more. Sigh, unlike the empowering hit on this record, “Express Yourself,” which encourages a woman with “don’t go for second best, baby!” This song, a mere 2 tracks down, has the woman going back to her blasé husband. Is there still a future for Madonna and Guy? Or will Madonna follow her own advice and “do much better baby on your own?”
Keep reading »
Sooner or later, everybody falls in love. When it’s good, it’s freaking amazing: birds sing, the sun shines, your Mom doesn’t annoy you so much and your checks are perpetually rosy, When it doesn’t work out, however, it burns like the fiery pits of hell. All that was good with the world has been obliterated – along with your self-esteem. And the way you’ll likely add insult to injury be inflicting even more torture upon yourself – well, that’s not so pretty either. Either you can’t eat or you’re eating pint after pint of Ben & Jerry’s, you’re sleeping all day or not sleeping at all or you’ve either abandoned all personal grooming habits or, in a particularly “screw-it” moment, went and got a majorly unflattering short haircut [Or a totally flattering one! -- Editor] or tattoo. As a post-dumpage Lloyd Dobler was labeled by his buddies outside the Gas ‘n Sip in “Say Anything”, you’re null and void. Keep reading »