“I just went to the doctor today, I got a chest X-ray of my lungs and discovered that my breasts are uneven … I was like standing there with these doctors and they’re like looking at my lungs and I just couldn’t—it felt like an elephant in the room—and I was like, ‘Are my breasts uneven?’ And they were just kind of, like, stifled and uncomfortable, obviously. So I kept thinking, ‘Well, I’m gonna dig myself out of this hole by bringing it up again’ … So he was like, ‘All right, our radiologist will get back to you about your lungs.’ And I was like, ‘And my breasts.’”
– Jennifer Lawrence laments her uneven boobs on “Jimmy Kimmel Live.” My unprofessional opinion is that her boobs are going to be just fine. Nothing an Oscar can’t fix. [ONTD]
It looks Justin Bieber is adapting to single life quite nicely. This week, he got to second base with a fan at a Florida meet-and-greet. Or maybe he was just squeezing her boob to help prevent breast cancer. How gentlemanly of him! Either way, the girl appears to be enjoying it very much. I hope Selena Gomez was out grabbing a penis somewhere. [ONTD]
Click through for more celebs getting felt up.
In case you were wondering, and I know you were, breasts can be used as a weapon. Washington woman, Donna Lange has been charged with second-degree manslaughter for smothering her 51-year-old boyfriend to death with her boobs. This weekend, at a Snohomish County trailer park, neighbors called the cops when they heard a man screaming for a “woman to get off of him.” When police arrived, they found a drunk Lange on top of the man, “her chest was smothering his face.” He was pronounced dead on the scene. No word on Lange’s motives.
This is not the first time a pair of boobs almost killed a guy. In December, a German man narrowly escaped a similar fate when his ex-girlfriend nearly motorboated him to death. She claimed that she meant the him no harm — that they were only playing a “sex game.”
Let this be a lesson to us all, boobs, when used without the appropriate precautions, can be dangerous. [Local 12]
Okay, fine, her skin looks amazing, but I really want to come at Tay Tay with some cotton swabs, makeup remover, and a blending brush right about now, because all that rust eyeshadow is making her look rather corpse-y. On the plus side, her breasteses look fab! Harry Styles, boy, eat your clam-loving heart out.
Beyonce’s boobs are all over the cover of the new GQ — and she’s baring full on underboob — as she illustrates the Sexiest Women of the Century, another one of those stupid men’s magazine’s lists that’s basically an excuse to post photos of scantily clad women. And women of the century is a little weird, too, because do they mean the last century — as in the past hundred years? Or do they mean the last 12 years? And if they mean the last hundred, well, that’s a lot of dead hotties, which I would think would be a total bonerkiller, no?
God, I clearly think about this shit way too much. In any case, if you’d like to see another photo, featuring the full cheesecake cover, and Bey in the world’s smallest underwears, by all means, click through…
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