Y’all know I’m not a huge Bon Iver fan, and though he has wide acclaim as some sort of indie rock heartthrob, I find the idea of sexing Bon Iver to be as repugnant as, say, Frenching a trout. Last year, he unleashed his shoe collaboration with the shoe company Keep. What qualified Bon Iver as a shoe designer, I don’t know, but anyway, he made some sneakers with an (of course) feather on them. Just now, we’ve uncovered the commercial Bon Iver made to promote the shoes. It was apparently made on a farm with free-range kittens and pups (all of whom were rescued). It is also deeply earnest and Bon Iver-y, which of course means I had to blow up its spot. After the jump, Bon Iver’s imagined director’s commentary for the video. Keep reading »
Some twisted soul up in Maine has gone and done it now: She’s created the L.L. Bean Boyfriend blog, full of men in cozy sweaters and hiking boots professing their love for you. As the Tumblr notes, “He will build you a table and then have sex with you on it.” Sorry, but these guys are giving me major creep vibes — they’re a little too Bon Iver Erotic Stories for my taste. But hey, if you want a guy who will take you for foraging walks in the woods and build you theremins and whatnot, then go for it. I’ll just be washing the douche vibes off me in the corner. [Your LL Bean Boyfriend]
Sorry guys, but Bon Iver just gives me the douchechills, especially after I read a bunch of Bon Iver Erotica. That’s why these shoes that Justin Vernon, aka Bon Iver, designed are really making me feel uncomfortable. Yes, they’re for a good cause — sales of the shoes benefit the Best Friends Animal Society — but Bon Iver makes me want to die inside a little bit. The shoes are currently on pre-order, and will ship in October, just in time for Bon Iver to release another album about fireflies, hidden love notes and ugh, artisanal goat cheese. Of course, they’re sold in sizes for both men and women, because Bon Iver is for gender parity and believes all beings are created equal. [$75, The Keep]
What happens when you allow your imagination to fantasize about soulfully smug indie singer songwriter Bon Iver? The perfectly twee — heirloom tomatoes and spiderwebs! — erotic snippets compiled on the just launched “Bon Iver Erotic Stories” blog. This blog is hilarious because, as Julie explains, sex with Bon Iver would probably be the worst. “The room would smell like cedar and it would be SO COLD,” Julie just shuddered. “I bet he would, like, smell faintly of sardines and there’d be a corner of his bedroom reserved for his ARTISINAL KOMBUCHA OPERATION.” Anyway, see more Bon Iverotica after the jump…
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Look, I am not one of those people who is nostalgic for the good ol’ days of “Saturday Night Live,” when the Coneheads and Pat were making everyone laugh. No, I like “SNL” now. But that doesn’t mean it always cracks me up. Usually I watch the show on Sunday mornings, with my coffee and New York Post, and I smile and maybe a giggle or two pops out. But when Maya Rudolph hosted the show this weekend — featuring special guests Amy Poehler and Justin Timberlake — I cracked the hell up.
Above, Blue Ivy Carter meets Prince, Taylor Swift, Brangelina, and Bon Iver, portrayed perfectly by Timberlake. And after the jump, more sketches I loved. Keep reading »
Last night, Bon Iver took home the Grammy for Best New Artist, and almost immediately the Internet began asking, “Who the fuck is Bon Iver?” Thoroughly charmed by his self-aggrandizing, slightly annoyed acceptance speech (hipsters don’t let hipsters win awards)? Yeah, we thought so. Below, we tell you everything you need to know about Bon Iver to seem like you care. Which you totally don’t, right?
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