Let me tell you a story about “bi invisibility.” A few years ago, at my first full-time job – which, I should clarify, was at an LGBT nonprofit organization – I was chatting with a gay male co-worker about a conversation he had with an acquaintance of ours. Apparently I had come up in their conversation, and he had referred to me as “straight.” As in “heterosexual.” I don’t know where the rest of the story was going, because I stopped my colleague right there.
“Actually,” I interjected, “I’m not straight.”
He seemed genuinely baffled. “You’re not?”
“Well … no. I can see why you thought I was, but I’m not. I’m bisexual.”
His eyes widened and he smiled. It was like a light bulb had gone off in his head and everything suddenly made sense. Meanwhile, I walked back to my cubicle, shocked that, at an LGBT organization, anyone would assume that anyone else was straight. It surprised me that, in a space where identity politics and queer issues were discussed regularly, being in a relationship with a man would automatically signify me as a hetero. I suddenly realized that my identity as a bi woman would always be invisible. I would always be invisible. That is, unless I found a way to combat that invisibility. Keep reading »
When I was a kid, I thought “sex” was two people peeing on each other. Like, I imagined you got in a bed naked and cuddled for so long that inevitably you would have to pee. But instead of getting up to pee, you just “let go” and peed together, in the bed. This romantic notion just made sense in my eight-year-old brain. Keep reading »
Yay, Vanessa Carlton has a new album out! She sat down with Chelsea Handler to gab about the new CD and of course Chels gets right down to brass tacks: “So you recently came out as a bisexual?” Carlton performed at a gay rights event and told the audience, in an offhand way, that she’s had relationships with both men and women. This came as news to her family! She said her mom called her on the phone upset because “she’s concerned about being a grandma.” Keep reading »
“My sexuality is something I’m completely comfortable with and open about. There’s a lot of prejudice toward us but the more people talk about it, the less of a big deal it will be. And that will be better for everyone.”
– Anna Paquin discusses her bisexuality with V magazine. I would love to hear her talk a little more in depth about the prejudice bisexuals face from straight-identified people as well as members of the gay community because I think it often gets overlooked when discussing LGBTQ issues. [E! Online] Keep reading »
You’d think I’d remember the night that I discovered that my would be-husband was also bisexual–that the relationship I was entering into was a bi-bi partnership. But I can’t. It probably seemed … normal.
Previous boyfriends had not been out as bi, but some had made out with boys and, well, all of them did things like borrow my jeans or gush over indie-boy hotties. I guess bisexual boys are my type. Keep reading »
I just found out (via some totally sane Internet stalking) that my boyfriend used to have a thing with a guy. We’ve only been dating a few weeks. Should I be concerned? Should he have told me? How do I bring this up? Read more … Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Newly Single,” a bisexual woman who wrote to me a year ago when her engagement ended. She said that before her breakup, she questioned whether she could really be happy with only a man in her future. “Thankfully, I’m not faced with that dilemma any longer, but now I’m faced with a new one,” she wrote. “I’m fairly young (25), and I’ve never really dated anyone besides my ex, regardless of sex. [...] I think that I would feel uncomfortable discussing my dating history with anyone — even if I was dating a guy — but now I’m faced with the fear that I’ll be judged for not having enough experience with girls.” So, how is she doing a year later? Is she dating women now? Still sticking with men? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »
I am the most disappointing bi-curious girl ever. My first kiss was with a girl at age 15, over a game of spin-the-bottle. But in the decade-plus since then, I have failed to act on any of the moments where I’m in close quarters with someone I am taken with. I’ve had these really intense crushes on women where I think about them and look at them all moon-eyed … but when it comes to making a move, I get pee-your-pants-nervous. It’s really lame.
Hopefully, one day I’ll just grow a pair of ovaries. But, luckily, some of my Frisky sisters act on their desires more than I do. After the jump, I asked them why they’ve experimented with other women: Keep reading »
Down Low men keep their bisexual behavior a secret from their female partners because they’re uncomfortable with homosexuality and are afraid of the negative consequences of coming out. They don’t want to be judged, ostracized, or have their masculinity questioned. J.L. King, a self-professed former down low man, gives signs a man might be on the down low in his book, On the Down Low: A Journey into the Lives of Straight Black Men Who Sleep with Men. But what I found bothersome is that a few of his signs seem to reinforce homophobic stereotypes, which might only encourage prejudice. In addition, the generalities of some of these “signs” could lead to paranoia in a relationship, which isn’t healthy either, especially if it’s, uh, unfounded. It’s true that women need to protect themselves from unsafe behaviors and men that put their health at risk — and that’s true of cheating in general — but I’m not so sure believing stereotypes is a step in the right direction. Keep reading »