Jared’s* question came during a sex party a few months ago, after some steamy foreplay organically led to this discussion: “Can I fuck you now?”
It caught me off guard, but not in an unpleasant way. Men had asked me this question before, and I was half expecting to decline, like I usually did. But I’d been fantasizing about having sex with him for months. This was opportunity knocking.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Jared continued, directing this at both me and my husband, Paul. “But it seems like the logical next step here.”
It was. “Are you okay with that?” I asked Paul. He nodded reassuringly, excited to watch me take this new step. I smiled. “Then, yes. Let’s give it a try.”
So we did. Jared became the second man I’ve ever had intercourse with, signifying a change I never thought would come: an interest in sleeping with men. Keep reading »
Simply put, I have been boy crazy since elementary school.
Men have always been the ones I kissed, fellated, fucked, Skype-sexed, you name it. All of my sexual experiences and struggles coming to terms with my sexual kinks have involved cisgendered men.
But until recently, there was a side of myself that lay dormant so long it would probably more appropriate to call it “stagnant.” It was a side of myself that I didn’t act upon out of fear of what would happen: the one that had sexual and romantic feelings for women. Keep reading »
“I don’t get offended by [questions about bisexuality]. I look at it as an opportunity to educate people. A lot of times they just really don’t know a lot about it or haven’t talked to someone who is bisexual and actually get some insight into those issues. So I don’t get angry or try to fight hate with hate; I just try to educate. There are many misconceptions about bisexuality. The one thing I run into more than anything is that bisexuality isn’t real or that you’re just going through a phase or you really are just gay, you just don’t want to say it. It’s extremely hard growing up — I didn’t know bisexuality was an option growing up, because I knew I was attracted to women, but I was still attracted to men and that sent me spiraling into all kinds of — [laughs] I had no idea what I was! You’re kind of torn between this world of gay and straight and you’re stuck in the middle and sometimes get shunned by both sides and feel there’s not really a place for you and it can be really hard. But it is very real and yes, I’m married to an amazing man [actor Jamie Bell], but that doesn’t change my sexuality, doesn’t change who I am. I entered into a monogamous relationship and it could have been with a woman.”
– Suit-loving sexpot Evan Rachel Wood is married to the male actor Jamie Bell, but she’s also been one of Hollywood’s most vocal bisexuals. Honestly, she sounds really awesome: instead of getting all huffy at people for their misconceptions, she uses her platform to educate people that bisexuals aren’t imaginary, or confused, or slutty. Unrelated: can we talk about how amazing her skin looks?! [AfterEllen]
Let me tell you a story about “bi invisibility.” A few years ago, at my first full-time job – which, I should clarify, was at an LGBT nonprofit organization – I was chatting with a gay male co-worker about a conversation he had with an acquaintance of ours. Apparently I had come up in their conversation, and he had referred to me as “straight.” As in “heterosexual.” I don’t know where the rest of the story was going, because I stopped my colleague right there.
“Actually,” I interjected, “I’m not straight.”
He seemed genuinely baffled. “You’re not?”
“Well … no. I can see why you thought I was, but I’m not. I’m bisexual.”
His eyes widened and he smiled. It was like a light bulb had gone off in his head and everything suddenly made sense. Meanwhile, I walked back to my cubicle, shocked that, at an LGBT organization, anyone would assume that anyone else was straight. It surprised me that, in a space where identity politics and queer issues were discussed regularly, being in a relationship with a man would automatically signify me as a hetero. I suddenly realized that my identity as a bi woman would always be invisible. I would always be invisible. That is, unless I found a way to combat that invisibility. Keep reading »
When I was a kid, I thought “sex” was two people peeing on each other. Like, I imagined you got in a bed naked and cuddled for so long that inevitably you would have to pee. But instead of getting up to pee, you just “let go” and peed together, in the bed. This romantic notion just made sense in my eight-year-old brain. Keep reading »
Yay, Vanessa Carlton has a new album out! She sat down with Chelsea Handler to gab about the new CD and of course Chels gets right down to brass tacks: “So you recently came out as a bisexual?” Carlton performed at a gay rights event and told the audience, in an offhand way, that she’s had relationships with both men and women. This came as news to her family! She said her mom called her on the phone upset because “she’s concerned about being a grandma.” Keep reading »
“My sexuality is something I’m completely comfortable with and open about. There’s a lot of prejudice toward us but the more people talk about it, the less of a big deal it will be. And that will be better for everyone.”
– Anna Paquin discusses her bisexuality with V magazine. I would love to hear her talk a little more in depth about the prejudice bisexuals face from straight-identified people as well as members of the gay community because I think it often gets overlooked when discussing LGBTQ issues. [E! Online] Keep reading »
You’d think I’d remember the night that I discovered that my would be-husband was also bisexual–that the relationship I was entering into was a bi-bi partnership. But I can’t. It probably seemed … normal.
Previous boyfriends had not been out as bi, but some had made out with boys and, well, all of them did things like borrow my jeans or gush over indie-boy hotties. I guess bisexual boys are my type. Keep reading »
I just found out (via some totally sane Internet stalking) that my boyfriend used to have a thing with a guy. We’ve only been dating a few weeks. Should I be concerned? Should he have told me? How do I bring this up? Read more … Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Newly Single,” a bisexual woman who wrote to me a year ago when her engagement ended. She said that before her breakup, she questioned whether she could really be happy with only a man in her future. “Thankfully, I’m not faced with that dilemma any longer, but now I’m faced with a new one,” she wrote. “I’m fairly young (25), and I’ve never really dated anyone besides my ex, regardless of sex. [...] I think that I would feel uncomfortable discussing my dating history with anyone — even if I was dating a guy — but now I’m faced with the fear that I’ll be judged for not having enough experience with girls.” So, how is she doing a year later? Is she dating women now? Still sticking with men? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »