On one hand, I do not envy this poor woman at all. Giving birth on NYC’s filthy sidewalk, right out in the open, with strangers — helpful though they may be — all around me? Shudder. Oh and how convenient, the local news is right there, ready to capture the whole thing on film! Even worse. (Though I’m guessing she had to give her permission for them to air it, in which case she must not have minded that much?) And such helpful commentary from eyewitnesses: “She was like, ‘oh, my God, the baby’s coming.’ And then I could see the baby’s head coming out.” But on the other hand, a labor so speedy that you don’t even have time to make it to the hospital? That sounds easier than a lot of birth stories I’ve heard. (For the record, mom and baby are doing a-okay!) [HyperVocal]
Just when you thought your friends were oversharing on Facebook and Twitter, someone else comes along and puts them to shame in the TMI department.
Exhibit A: New mom, Ruth Iorio.
In case you haven’t heard, Ruth decided to liveblog her home birth, giving her followers (and the world) a play-by-play of her birthing experience. As totally grossed out as I am by the Facebook photos of Ruth’s bloody bathtub and details about how her “asshole aches,” I find myself intrigued, and unable to look away … kind of like a bad car accident that you can’t stop staring at. Meanwhile, Amelia thinks it’s all awesome and educational and, yeah, sure, a bit scary. Keep reading »
We’ll always remember Amber Hartnell as the woman who claimed to have experienced an orgasm while giving birth.
“All of a sudden the orgasm just started rolling through and rolling through, and it just kept coming, and my whole body was spiraling and rolling, and I was laughing and crying [and] purring,” Amber said in the documentary “Orgasmic Birth,” directed by Debra Pascali-Bonaro.
Since the film’s release in 2008, pregnant (and non-pregnant) women have been hearing about labor orgasms, and laughing or eye rolling, or both. Don’t try to fool us, Amber! We know that squeezing a baby out of your vagina hurts worse than any inhumane kind of torture we could envision in our worst nightmares. But we could be wrong. Keep reading »
Forget about seeking the care of a doctor, that’s so passé. If you’re looking to have a “supernatural” birth, you should find a nice dolphin to deliver your baby. No, this is not the premise of a “Portlandia” sketch. It’s real. After receiving a lot of “signs” and reading the book The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life by Drunvalo Melchizedek, North Carolina couple Heather and Adam Barringer have decided to travel to the The Sirius Institute in Hawaii to participate in something called a “dolphin-assisted birth.” And what does that entail exactly? I’m sure you’re wondering if dolphins’ snouts double as forceps or something. Read on, and all shall be revealed to you about the “dolphinizing” of the planet and how that relates to a baby coming out of a human vagina. Keep reading »
You may want to consider hiring San Francisco’s Premiere Birthing DJ to spin the soundtrack for your hippie birth. According to the CraigsList ad, “Sarah Palin’s gay friend” specializes in YogaTronica, WombStep, Deep Doula House, Electrowifery, and Placenta dub. So, you can choose the style that fits your birthing plan best. “What better way to bring a loved one into the world than with kindred all around, doing some form of movement that can only be described as Ecstatic Dance’s Hippier Cousin?” asks the ad. Well, I’ve never given birth, but I think it’s safe to say that I wouldn’t want a rave going on around me while I was pushing a baby out of my vagina. But that’s just me. Ditto for a placenta poetry circle. Either this is the most finely written piece of parody or birthing DJs are a thing. I sure hope it’s the former. [Craigslist]