Tag Archives: biological clock

Girl Talk: How I Deal With Having A Case Of The Babies

A few days ago, I learned that a childhood friend of mine was pregnant and found myself unexpectedly exuberant over the idea of buying mini-things for a mini (and quite possibly bald) person who is to arrive in Arizona sometime around the ides of March. I thought this tiny soul should own my mini “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” shirt that I once dressed my cat Moskow in and an outfit that made him look like a panda, and my heart started racing in a new unfamiliar way. Lately, I feel like that female caricature that walks around with a cartoon clock ticking over her head and thinks her ovaries are a worthy dinner topic. I see a baby and I involuntarily gurgle, or at the very least talk in the same intonation I use for my cats (pitched perfectly high for their tiny little ears). In order to combat what can only be described as a genealogical disorder (i.e., the desire to have a baby before you have a mortgage), I have taken to interviewing women I know who have children. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Babies Can Wait Until After My College Reunion

A few years ago, I jokingly declared that I would refrain from reproducing until after my 10-year college reunion. That way, I said (again, facetiously, although of course I’d be lying if there weren’t a tiny grain of vain truth to all this hilarious jokery), I wouldn’t have to worry about losing baby weight or having to remain sober as the Georgetown Class of 2001 reconvened. It wouldn’t be a concern whether some liquor might damage Junior, or Junior’s breast milk supply, and my 100 percent hot, completely flawless body would remain pristine until that date and, obviously, if everything went according to my imaginary plan, everyone would say, “Oh there’s Claire — she looks so great!” (Anyone who’s seen “Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion” knows this is Goal #1, with actual success to brag about being Goal #2, and perhaps having fun and seeing people you like being a distant #3.) Keep reading »

Girl Talk: My Biological Clock Is Broken

I’m smack in the middle of my 30s and recently married. For some childless women my age, this is tick-tick-tick time. However, while other women may be intimately in touch with their ovulation cycles, I’m in no hurry to have kids now, if ever. My old man and I have talked about it, but we’re both horrified by how much our lives would have to change — not to mention how big a pain in the ass kids are for, oh, say, 18 years. Keep reading »

Why Women Get Friskier As They Near 40

According to a new study, older women — “cougars,” if you must — are total horn dogs and they’ve got their waning fertility to blame (or credit?). Psychologists from the University of Texas at Austin polled almost 900 women about their attitudes towards sex, and learned that women aged 27 to 40 (those past their baby-making peak) have the best sex lives. Not only were they having sex more often than women younger and older, they thought about sex more and were more open to flings. Researchers say these findings suggest that a “woman’s libido picks up as her biological clock speeds up.” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Had My Tubes Tied

When a study released in late June revealed that one in five women would remain childfree into the next generation, a lot of people were shocked. I wasn’t. In an ironic twist of fate, I had my tubes tied the same weekend. Keep reading »

22 Ways To Stop Your Biological Clock

Yesterday, I admitted to having a bad case of baby fever. But what I failed to mention is I’m single, broke as a joke, and heck, I can barely clean up after my own puking, crying, and screaming! There’s just no way I can have an adorable bundle of 50 percent me, 50 percent someone adorable. I’ve gotta hit snooze on my biological clock. So, I’ve been thinking up some diversion therapy. Here are my suggestions for some pill-free birth control … Keep reading »

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