Yesterday, I admitted to having a bad case of baby fever. But what I failed to mention is I’m single, broke as a joke, and heck, I can barely clean up after my own puking, crying, and screaming! There’s just no way I can have an adorable bundle of 50 percent me, 50 percent someone adorable. I’ve gotta hit snooze on my biological clock. So, I’ve been thinking up some diversion therapy. Here are my suggestions for some pill-free birth control … Keep reading »
I thought I could beat science. I thought breeding would be best left to girls with, you know, feelings. It was for women whose gag reflex is strong enough to handle rooms full of “baby pink” and stores with names like “A Pea In The Pod.” I remember watching Marisa Tomei in “My Cousin Vinny” talk about her biological clock and thinking, Dang that is one slammin’ mini dress she can pull off. Why the heck would she give that bod up for a baby with some schlub? Bitch is crazy! But lately, I have to admit, I just can’t fight this feeling anymore! Babies have won me over with their adorable powers, which are part bunny-soft, part kung-fu grip. Curse you, cuties! You are sweet, lovable lady kryptonite. So, as someone who is trying to hit the snooze button on her biological clock, I’m here to help you, my fellow womankind, to notice the sneaky signs of their newborn magic working on you … Keep reading »
I think about babies a lot. Big, fat tears rolled down my cheeks while watching Kourtney Kardashian give birth on Sunday’s episode of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.” I secretly and selfishly hope my pregnant friend’s baby daddy will chicken out of being in the delivery room and I’ll get to be there with her. I’ve already offered to babysit, oh, constantly. I’ll be deep in conversation with someone and a baby will cross my path and it’s like I’ve suddenly found myself in high altitude because my hearing is muted — I’ve got baby tunnel vision. Needless to say, I am a terrible date at a family-friendly restaurant.
So every time I see a headline like this one, I get a little … discouraged: “Ovaries have not adjusted to many women’s decision to delay having children.” According to the article in yesterday’s Washington Post, a study conducted by the University of St. Andrews and Edinburgh University shows that women lose 90 percent of their eggs by age 30. I turned 30 in November. Researchers studied the “human ovarian reserve from conception through menopause” and using the data of 325 women, they did some math and concluded that the average woman is born with approximately 300,000 eggs and “steadily loses them as she ages, with just 12 percent of those eggs remaining at the age of 30, and only 3 percent left by 40.” Keep reading »
Is there anything in the world cuter than a baby in a little doofy winter hat? If you answered yes, your biological clock is ticking louder than Marisa Tomei’s in “My Cousin Vinny.” And I’m right there with you, girl! But just because Mother Nature is ready for us to spawn, doesn’t mean we are. (Typical pushy mother issues, huh?) So what’s a girl to do? Get scared!
Yes, we all know birth and motherhood are beautiful, natural things to be revered. But it’s not all sunshine, lollipops and rainbows when you’re talking about pushing an eight-pound person out of your vag! So, hit the snooze button on your biological alarm clock with these ugly truths about what it takes to get one of those adorable bundles of joy.
Ask almost any childless women in her 30s to name five things that have been on her mind lately, and there’s a good chance she’ll mention her biological clock. It may not be the first thing she names — her career, the economy, saving for a house, her parents’ health, the health of her relationship, finishing her dissertation, fitting back into her skinny jeans, and finding someone to share her life with may be getting more of her attention; but for a vast majority of us, the idea of having kids is something we think about nearly as much, if not more, than almost everything else. After all, our biological clocks and the issues of when, whether, and how long we have left to procreate determine so many other variables in our life. And for those of us who wait until our 30s — a quickly growing number of us these days — it’s a decision we face when the stakes are especially high. Keep reading »
Single and on the prowl? Triump International has developed a high-tech bra outfitted with a timepiece that marks the time it’s taking you to find a husband. Talk about baggage you can wear! But this bra doesn’t solely support your boobs — it’s includes a pen with which you can sign the pre-nup, and the minute you get engaged, you can stick the ring in, and it’ll play “The Wedding March.” Is this bra puke resistant? We’re about to lose our lunch. [Talk2MyShirt] Keep reading »
I’m gonna be honest. I’m turning 30 this year and my biological clock is a-tickin’. I want kids in the next 3-5 years, partially because I don’t want to fork over any dough for fertility treatments. That’s why — along with marathon sessions of “The Millionaire Matchmaker” — I’m rapidly losing patience with men my age or older who don’t feel that they’re “ready” to have kids. When you don’t have a fire under your ass that’s pushing you to be ready, or else, it’s really easy to delay parenthood until the day your 40-year-old self grows up, decides it’s time to spread the seed, preferably in a 25-year-old’s egg. But science might finally have a little pressure to put on these guys. In The New York Times‘ Sunday Magazine this weekend, Lisa Belkin wrote about a new study out of Australia that found that children of older men have slightly lower IQ than those of younger fathers. Keep reading »
I have been wishin’ and prayin’ and hopin’ that Current’s Sarah Haskins would tackle the topic of women and bodily functions. And now she has! Forget the ticking baby-makin’ biological clock — the doodie clock is far more impatient. Keep reading »