Amber Rose showed off her impressive rump in a G-string bikini while vacationing with Kanye West in Miami Beach. She pretty much had a piece of orange floss up her butt, which makes me wonder what the front is like. She has quite the cajones to strut around like that, especially when Kanye is fully clothed, but she was a stripper.

Although I don’t have a stripper past, I did find it liberating to wear a thong string bikini while on vacay in the Bahamas. I’d been working at a sex store and fell in love with a white, ruffled bikini that had pink piping along the edges, but the bottom was a thong. I decided to buy it anyway.

As if a thong bikini wasn’t hard enough to wear already, a German company has created one that dissolves in water within seconds. Um, what’s the point of a swimsuit that disappears when wet? Well, supposedly the company is marketing the Get Naked Bikini as a way for spurned dudes to embarrass their old girlfriends. Spike.com called it “The Ultimate Revenge Gift.”  Uh huh, cause nothing says “I still love you” quite like getting an itty-bitty bikini from your ex, right ladies? Sheesh, we can see right through this trick, literally. [Spike]

When you imagine a crime spree, you probably think of a beefy guy in a ski mask with maybe, I don’t know, a weapon? Well, in Mississippi last week, a 24-year-old woman carjacked another woman in her driveway, allowing the woman to remove her kid from the car first. Then, she tried to rob an RV dealership. She told the dealership employees that she was packing heat and told them to cough up the cash. But the employees didn’t believe her. Why? Probably because she was wearing a bikini during this entire venture. Where are you going to hide a gun when you’re wearing four triangles of clothing? [Yahoo! News]

• Though she was rumored to have given up her parental rights long ago, Debbie Rowe will reportedly be getting full custody of her two children with Michael Jackson. [Perez Hilton]
• Not all stars looked like stars before they got famous. Check out these pop icons back in the day. [Yep Yep]  – Warning: It ain’t such a pretty sight…
• Farrah Fawcett’s invitation-only funeral is set for Tuesday. Her partner Ryan O’Neal is handling the ceremony. [People]

I’ve always found it funny that as the Brazilian—and I’m talking waxing here, people—has became more popular among women, it’s beards, mustaches, and facial scruffiness that has become more in vogue for men. I can’t help but wonder why the women of my generation are hacking off their bushes while the men are letting their face hair grow wild. I’ll admit it. I’m a victim of pubic hair peer pressure. I mean, if you go to the beach, you have to go “there.” Once, I even had a waxident. However, now that I can put my bikini back in storage, I’m wondering, as a single lady on the loose, what the social obligations are to my crotch? I bet if we ask those non-manscaping guys if they’re going to start shaving as we back off waxing, we’ll find a hairy double standard.

The weekend’s finally here!  And in the summer time, that can only mean one thing, it’s time to put on your bathing suit and hit the beach, pool, backyard, hood of a car…whatevs, you’re getting into a swatch of spandex and it’s time to show off!  How to look your best in a bikini may seem like an existential crisis, forcing you to question everything from your food intake to how deep you need to go into the water.  But we’ve distilled down the strutting your stuff essentials into a few easy steps so you can step out and confidently show some skin!

1. Ooze with Attitude Be confident and casual—that’s always sexy. If you know you look good, so does everyone else.

I hate diets. While Americans spend billions of dollars a year making themselves miserable trying to loose some extra weight, I eat cake, wear bikinis that clearly show my stretch marks, and try to keep a healthy attitude about my appearance. Sure, sometimes my muffin top gets to me, but dieting just seems like a form of self-hatred when it involves eating pre-packaged low-cal food.  Yuck!

But just like technology, Japan seems to have one up on us in the dieting category.  In an article in fitness magazine, Fytte, Japanese women submitted the top 10 weight loss programs that worked for them. Much to my surprise, they actually sound fun.  From #4—Pelvis Exercises that include hula hooping—to #8—taking a bath in scented salts for 45 minutes a day—slimming down never sounded so good!  Who knows, maybe I’ll finally cave on this dieting stigma and learn to put my tummy to good use with belly dancing.  [Calorie Lab]

Television just can’t get enough of the booty—especially Jennifer Love Hewitt’s lovely lady lumps. The tide has turned for J.Lo.Hew, who came under fire for her physical appearance last fall when her sweet cheeks got snapped by paps while she was in a bikini on vacation. The pictures showed her cellulite and caused some seriously unfair fat jokes.  Hewitt refused to take the criticism of her normal-girl cottage cheese and barked back that she loved her body, booty and all.  Looks like America likes her look too because she was just chosen by TV Guide as the Sexiest Woman On Television.  Baby got back at her critics! [TV Guide]

There’s a new queen in England, and she’s got more poise than Her Majesty and more cleavage than Elton John. It’s 17-year-old, size 16 beauty queen Chloe Marshall! She’ll be strutting her stuff in the Miss England Pageant in July, but she’s already become a media darling. “What I am promoting is a healthy girl who looks after herself and doesn’t try to force her body to be something its not,” Chloe told Hello Magazine, which was excited to get her to slip into something less comfortable—the white rhinestone bikini she’ll be confidently wearing in the competition. Proudly flying in the face of skinny minnie pageant girls like the tragically dumb blonde Miss Teen South Carolina,  Chloe is a refreshingly smart spokesmodel who is bravely going where no plus-size girl has gone before. This pretty warrior princess couldn’t be happier to show off her ambition. “It’s what I was born to do – posing for the camera. And as I keep saying, I love my body. People seem desperate to get me to say that I don’t, that deep down I’m not happy and would rather be thin, but the fact is I wouldn’t change myself at all.” We wouldn’t change a thing either, hot stuff! [Dlisted]