“Can I tell you how many #peanutbutter’s I got today on Twitter? I laughed so hard. I couldn’t believe the first one… And then there were suddenly like 10 more. … When it went down, I was a little nervous. Am I gonna be getting tweets from PETA? And it’s a joke… I also probably wouldn’t MacGyver a screwdriver into a dildo and fuck myself with it either. But bestiality exists.”
One of the first things I noticed when I started watching season two of “Orange Is The New Black” was that Lil Boo, the service dog that inmate Big Boo is training, was no longer on the show. (Spoiler alert ahead.) On the show, BBig oo revealed that their relationship was getting complicated and the camera cuts to an image of the vigorously dog licking peanut butter … the implication being that Big Boo was starting to think about doing something nasty with the PB and the pooch. It’s gross, yes, and in a new profile on Buzzfeed, the actress Lea Delaria who plays Big Boo reveals she was just a little bit afraid that PETA was going to flip. So far, so good! [BuzzFeed]
I’ve been working at The Frisky for quite a while now and I have heard my share of cray stories. From a man who died from having sex with a hornets nest to a couple of Finnish journalists who pooped their pants on a bus just to find out what would happen if they did, I’m hard pressed to find a story that shocks me. And yet, Kristina Michelle Brown of Oklahoma City, has managed to arouse my bafflement. The 23-year-old was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon on Monday after a bizarre kerfuffle with her 72-year-old neighbor.
According to police reports, Brown stood outside her neighbor’s house with a knife screaming, “Come outside. I know you are in there. Do you wanna die?”
Obviously, her elderly neighbor wasn’t in the mood to die, so he called the cops instead. When police asked Brown what the neighbor did to her, she replied,“I had sex with my cat and everyone knows.” Keep reading »
I don’t know about you, but to me, nothing screams “hilarity” quite like bestiality.
In no-one-gets-the-joke news, Shuan Keith Orris was arrested for disorderly conduct and carrying a concealed weapon after things got violent when questioning bar patrons about their thoughts on fornicating with goats. He was apparently making the rounds at a Wisconsin bar, asking the strangers if they thought it was their Constitutional right to have sex with goats. You know, typical small talk.
Keep reading »
On April 28, David Beckmann, 64, of Roselle, Illinois was booked on a host of horrifying charges, including battery and attempted indecent solicitation of a child. But his most bizarre crime? Sexually assaulting a peacock. Before we get into the particulars, can I just start out by saying what everyone is probably thinking: how in the fuck do you sexually abuse a peacock? The bird, named Phyl, was seen alive by neighbors the night before its body was discovered while police were investigating another crime. The exact nature of the sexual abuse has not been revealed by police, as it also allegedly involved the indecent solicitation of a child estimated to be between the ages of 13 and 17. In any case, we now have something new to have nightmares about. [Daily Herald]
You’d be better off raping a woman in Missouri than a dog in Michigan — at least according to the latest sentence handed down for convicted dog sex-haver Kurtis Peterson. Peterso, of Muskegon, Michigan, was caught — by the same woman! — having sex with his pet pit bull not once, but twice. Joyce Yeaw first caught Peterson in the act while attempting to return a key to Peterson’s roommate. He claimed he was just “hugging” the animal. She found him a second time having sex on the living room floor. (Joyce Yeaw doesn’t knock, I guess.)
During the case, Peterson admitted he was “sexually aroused from accidental contact with the animal’s rear,” but claimed that he was “just playing with the dog.” Fourteenth circuit judge Timothy J. Hicks, citing the high likelihood of Peterson reoffending, issued a sentence of one to 15 years — which is about what you’d get for raping a human in Michigan, too, and far more than the minimum sentences for rape in many other states. Then again, the pit bull probably wasn’t a stupid slut. Keep reading »
I just watched the trailer for “Donkey Love,” a documentary about remote parts of Colombia where the deep, dark secret is that lots of men have sex with donkeys. Then I watched three more times in a row just to make sure I was understanding it correctly. Julie is of the opinion that this film is a hoax as evidenced by how flippant filmmaker, Daryl Stoneage, comes off in the trailer. He’s does have a real, “Hey bro, let me watch while you abuse your animals and laugh about it,” kind of a vibe. Um, why is he laughing? But I’d have to see the entire film to more of a sense of its veracity. Keep reading »
Try to have sex with an animal against its will, expect a penis injury.
“When I saw the raccoon I thought I’d have some fun,” said 44-year-old Russian man, Alexander Kirilov.
I spent a long time trying to understand this sentence. The thought of “having some fun” with an animal is beyond my scope of comprehension. Keep reading »
We already knew that SWA (sex with animals) was bad for the soul, but the other day we learned why it is equally bad for the penis. Just so we’re all clear here, sticking a d**k in a non-human animal hole doubles the risk for penis cancer. Sure, we knew that somehow, somewhere in a very intangible, hard-to-conceptualize way, that people were doing it with animals, but we were blown away by just how many zoophiles there were out there. The stats suggested that as many as 35 percent of men in rural Brazil had engaged in bestiality at some point. But men having SWA are not only on the farm; about 36 percent of the animal f**ker population reside in big cities. So there you have it, SWA is more widely practiced than we thought. The more you know. Keep on clicking to find out about more crazy sexual practices you may not be familiar with.
Don’t go to Florida if you plan to get laid, because doin’ it is officially illegal there. In an attempt to outlaw bestiality, Florida lawmakers accidentally banned all sex acts. The new law bans “knowing sexual conduct or sexual contact with an animal.” As we know from the great Nine Inch Nails song, “Closer,” wanting to f#@k like an animal doesn’t mean you’re into animal husbandry. And if you ever took a science class, you also know that humans are technically animals. We know what they meant, but the wording is unfortunate. Oh silly Florida, what are we going to do with you? [Newser] Keep reading »