Once, I got drunk at a wedding and took home a yuppie. He looked so cute in his white tux and charmed me into dancing to Earth, Wind & Fire. Needless to say, I couldn’t wait to take that stallion for a ride. But, as I unzipped his pants, he said, “Don’t get excited, you won’t be impressed.” A small penis never ruined my good time—until then. Things went from bad to worse. He was a deep-breathing whiner who just lay on his back because, he warned me, “Girls only get off when they’re on top.” Something tells me those other ladies weren’t given any other option—and they definitely didn’t orgasm. There are some things—like selling yourself short and telling someone how to get off—that you should never say or do during sex ...

Most of the time, pillow talk isn’t supposed to be funny, but sometimes it is. And, other times, it’s painfully awkward. The new site Said in Bed compiles real people’s quotes said before, during, or after sex. Our favorite on the site so far:

“Doesn’t it feel good?” she said.
“Doesn’t it feel good to Payless?” he said.

[Said in Bed via Flavorwire]

Mmmm. This beauty cream smells so good. Did you know it could contain cow dung or bull semen? [Shine]

Although more women are choosing to go gray, instead of dyeing their hair, they are still facing a double standard: Men with gray hair are considered distinguished, whereas graying women are considered de-sexualized or just plain old. [Shine]

Manners are appropriate in the bedroom and are imperative to great sex. [Savvy Miss]

Which is more personal: sex life details or your bank statements? [Daily Bedpost]

The Frisky is full of extremely serious questions about bedroom behavior—like this one: have you ever farted in front of someone you’re boinking? We sent Lori out onto the streets to get answers from regular folk—suffice it to say, some of them would be appalled by my complete lack of shame.