Sit down, everybody, and let’s talk about that most elusive of all makeup looks, the majestic, seemingly intangible unicorn that is Perfect Skin. One need not be born with — nor consume only omega-3 rich fishes, avocado, and $12 green juices to acquire — perfect skin to appear as if one has perfect skin, do you follow? One need certainly not spackle on layers of HD foundation, either, because that never seems to result in perfect skin but rather “whoa, that’s a lot of makeup” skin. If your skincare routine isn’t quite up to snuff, and your diet includes more Keebler elf cookies than kale, that’s your life, your choice, bro, and it shouldn’t stand in the way of you looking like the portrait of glowing health. Isn’t makeup the best?
I had the kind of no-makeup-necessary perfect skin that strangers commented on my entire life, including the quintessential 12-15 greasy years, and then suddenly, randomly, INFURIATINGLY started developing skin probz (acne, clogged pores, oiliness, scarring, redness, whatever), like, five whole years after I foolishly assumed I would be in the clear for life. I’ve always been fairly (lol) vain, and my skin had never been something I had to worry about, but when it did become a concern, I learned pretty quickly how to fake the same flawless skin I used to wake up with. I mean, is it as good as the real thing? No, definitely not, but it’s still pretty damn good. Keep reading »
It’s rare that Amanda Seyfried — she of the rapturously ethereal angel/alien features, porcelain complexion, and long, thick, never-dyed flaxen hair — ever misses the mark on a beauty look. (I mean, don’t you think it would take some serious, bad-intentioned effort for a makeup artist to fuck up a face like that?) Time and time again, Amanda has sported the kind of makeup that makes us go, “That. On my face. Now.” This look from the Hollywood premiere of her new film, “Lovelace”? I would sell my soul. And yeah, I’m putting that in writing. (That said, I sincerely doubt that the price on my soul would be very high, but the principle stands.) The good news for me and my (affordable!!!!) soul is that, despite looking like a million, trillion bucks, this shimmery eye makeup is shockingly, almost LAUGHABLY, easy to achieve. Let’s get a closer look, and then I’ll break it down… Keep reading »
I love wearing all of the makeup, all at once, but as with all things, there exists a time and a place for this sort of excess, and that Time and Place is not late June and not in New York City. Humidity has been the word for the past few weeks, which means that regardless of how much primer you coat yourself in before you put your face on, or powder you layer on after, what’s flawless at 10 AM is going to be a shitshow by the afternoon. Read: YOUR FACE DOES NOT STAND A CHANCE. Since there’s only soooooo much one can do in the face of blistering heat, why not forego the mattifying makeup, and the bold lip, and hell, maybe even leave the under eye concealer at home. Do it, I dare you! Shed that makeup mask and go minimalist — let’s begin with these three simple summer beauty tips… Keep reading »
Under-eye circles! They’re an ever-hot topic amongst ladiez, and it’s no wonder why — everybody has them, but pretty much nobody knows how to deal with them. There are a million so-called “remedies,” like eating less salt, drinking more water, drinking less alcohol, and getting more sleep, but why even try to change your lifestyle when you can just cover those bitches up like a pro? Or maybe you do all those things already, and your dark circles still won’t budge. Whatever the case, THERE IS A WAY OUT. Keep reading »
The cusp of summer is a good time to start talking about how to control oily skin. I mean, I talk about oily skin constantly, because I have it, so I am almost always complaining about it because such is my nature. But everyone gets a little bit greasy come summer, running around in the heat and wearing sunscreen and all (you are wearing sunscreen, right?), and while I can’t help you keep your face completely dry and sweat-proof constantly (impossible, bro, let me tell you), I may just be able to help you keep your face looking presentable! What more can you ask for when it’s 8 million degrees and it’s all you can do just to keep your goddamn clothes on? That’s what I thought. Keep reading »
For me, warm weather months are high time to turn to lipstick as an all-encompassing beauty look. Or maybe I should just go ahead and say that my desire to apply primer and foundation and concealer and blush and bronzer and eyeliner and eyeshadow and mascara blahblahblahblahfhdfghjkfdk wanes into nothingness and I’m like, “What is the absolute minimum I can do to distract people from all of the other things that may or may not be going on on my face?” The answer is almost always a bold, yes, you’ve got this, distracting lip (and when it isn’t, it’s just staying within the confines of my home, protected from the eyes of Others).
But it’s not the decision to wear the lipstick that’s the problem (nope, that’s a no-brainer) — it is the continual wearing of the lipstick, and the attempt to keep the lipstick not just on the face but looking, if not quite freshly-applied (probably not gonna happen, sorry for the misleading title, perjury, whatever), acceptable. There are so many things that can go wrong over the course of a day: feathering, smearing, smudging, dryness, whatever you call it when there’s, like, pieces showing. These things don’t just look bad (and gross, ugh, those pieces are so gross), they’re also straight up annoying. In my bold lipstick-wearing (and chapped lips-having) tenure, I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks, if not outright solutions, along the way. Keep reading »