Tag Archives: be my boyfriend

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom

Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »
Be My BF: Suing Parents
He's suing his parents for not loving him enough. Read More »

Dear Vincent Valvo, AKA The Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom,

Man, moms can be so annoying, can’t they? Mine used to try to get me to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. when I was a sophomore in high school! Ridiculous, right? And your mom sounds like a real ball-buster, or at least I’m assuming she is, because you called 911 not once, but twice in one night to complain that you “didn’t like the way she was talking to you.”

You were arrested after making the second call, but if you ever want someone to vent to in the future, you can give me a ring!

Xoxo,
Winona

[Neatorama]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who’s Been Wearing A Deer Head For 4 Years

Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Batman Goatee
This guy wears the bat signal on his face! Read More »
Be My BF: Suing Parents
He's suing his parents for not loving him enough. Read More »

Dear Luo Dan,

I want to tell you that I’m feeling you wearing this deer head mask every day for the last four years. You started wearing it while you were making your art because it make you feel peaceful (no surprise that you’re a painter) and eventually, got used to wearing it and started to wear it all the time.

“The deer is a tame animal … Wearing its mask, I could find a long-missing inner peace. When I wear the mask, I feel I am a deer from within,” you said. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Eric Ducharme, Real-Life Merman Of Florida

Unicorn Fetish
If you're into Unicorn Sex, you need these boots. Read More »
Beyonce A Mermaid?
Bey thinks she was a mermaid in a past life. Read More »
BE MY BOYFRIEND
"Haters gonna hate"

Der Eric Ducharme, Merman,

I believe that when you find the thing you love, you should hang on and never let go. In your case, the thing you love is being a Merman — that’s a male mermaid for non-merman enthusiasts — and bless you for it. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Brian Manowitz, The Vegan Lasagna-Making Black Metal Chef

Be My BF: Gassy Chef
Congratulations on farting on all of your employees, sexy! Read More »
Be My BF: Bacon Guy
This dude ate a burger with 1,050 pieces of bacon. Watch »
Be My BF: Nugget Injector
This dude figured out how to inject chicken nuggets with sauce. Read More »
be my boyfriend
Prepare, for it begins!

Dear vegan black metal chef Brian Manowitz,

I think we’d totally get along. After all, we both worship seitan (GET IT?) and enjoy face makeup and browning things in skillets. Your series, “Vegan Black Metal Chef,” has offered up tasty, healthy meals from the dark side, while simultaneously challenging the notion that vegans are pale, limp-wristed nerdlings who hate flavor. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole 42,000 Pounds Of Cheese

Be My BFs: Chicken
These guys stole $65K in chicken wings. Read More »
Be My BF: Toothpick Caper
He stole thousands of toothpicks! Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF!
He stole $200,000 worth of cheese

Dear Veniamin Balika,

Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be impressed by a man who can pull off a cheese heist of unprecedented proportions. I find cheese thievery sexy for obvious reasons.

Veniamin — or should I call you Cheese King? — you have my respect for managing to make off with 42,000 pounds of Muenster cheese from a Wisconsin distribution plant. That’s enough cheese to fill an 18-wheel truck. That’s roughly $200,000 worth of cheese, which you planned to sell on the black market. I had no idea the black cheese market was so lucrative. I had no idea there was a black cheese market. I knew about the underground chicken wing market. But not cheese.This is all blowing my mind. So much fucking cheese! Enough cheese to fulfill all my dairy cravings for the rest of my life! Enough cheese to build a cheese house and live there together like two happy mice. I know, I’m getting ahead of myself. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Was Fined $2,000 For Playing Celine Dion Songs Too Loud

I'm A Celine Dion Superfan
And I don't care who knows! Read More »
Review: Celine's Perfumes
Winona tests all of Celine's perfumes. Read More »

Dear Jacek Korolko AKA The Guy Who Was Fined For Blasting Celine Dion Songs,

My love for Celine Dion is well documented, but it’s tough for me to find men who appreciate her majestic vocal stylings as much as I do. My current boyfriend, for example, could sum up his feelings about Celine Dion with a shrug and a “meh,” which upsets me to no end. You, on the other hand, obviously share my passion for Queen Celine, because you were recently fined £1,300 (nearly $2,000) for blasting her songs at high volume at your apartment complex in Bristol, England. Apparently your neighbors have been “very distressed at the unreasonable volume of music played often late at night,” but let me tell you something: your neighbors are idiots. Move in with me, and we’ll crank up the volume to “The Power Of Love” until all the windows shatter.

‘Cause I’m your lady,
Winona

[Yahoo News]

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