Tag Archives: be my boyfriend

Be My Boyfriend: Real Life Cookie Monster

Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Sexy Food Costumes
Food Halloween Costumes
Maybe you've gone the edible route this Halloween. Read More »
Be My BF: Pasta Artist
He makes art ... from pasta. Read More »

Dear Real Life Cookie Monster,

Listen, I know absolutely nothing about you, except for the fact that you are dressed in a Cookie Monster costume while buying a package of Chips Ahoy in a surprisingly dispassionate manner. I don’t need to know anything else. Please give me your address so I can bring you a box of Oreos and hold up a sign that says, “To me, you are perfect.”

xoxo,
Winona

[Neatorama]

Be My Boyfriend: Real-Life Edward Scissorhands

Be My BF: Logo Head
He sells ad space on his head. Watch »
Be My BF: Long Word
This guy spent 3.5 hours pronouncing a word. Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF!
He cutz with Clawz!

Dear Valentino LoSauro,

I’ve been waiting for Edward Scissorhands to give me a haircut since 1990. I know you don’t look like Johnny Depp, and I don’t look that much like Winona Ryder, but I’d like you to give me a haircut with your Clawz. (I like to put “Z”s on the endz of my wordz, too!)

You’ve been quoted as saying that Clawz bring musicality to hairdressing. And you use special cutting techniques you’ve dubbed “Flight of the Bumblebee” and “Zap” and “Raking.” It’s obvious that you are a former pianist. I was a singer. We have so much in common!

Valentino, cut my hair. Zap me. Bumblebee me. Rake me. Put your Clawz all over my head. Be my hairdresser. But we can skip the blindfold.

Yourz,
Ami Angelowicz
[Oddity Central]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Stole 30 Cars In Less Than 3 Months

Be My BF: Reader
This dude buried himself in a hole to read. Read More »
Be My BF: Bacon Guy
This dude ate a burger with 1,050 pieces of bacon. Watch »
Be My BF: Gumball Guy
He made the world's largest gumball out of Nicorette. Read More »

Dear Reynaldo Nazario,

Some car thieves take an entire lifetime to accomplish what you did in less than three months — stealing 30 cars in 75 days. Your steadfast dedication to your craft has meant that you’ve spent quite a lot of time in prison — nine out of the last 10 years you’ve been locked away on charges related to car theft. But that just shows you can be dedicated and committed to something (or someone) you care about. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: “Down 2 Boink” Con

Be My BF: Will Ferrell
Old school Will Ferrell is so adorable. Read More »
Be My BF: Pasta Artist
He makes art ... from pasta. Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF: Turtleman
Why Julie loves the "Call of the Wildman" star. Read More »

Dear Garrett Michael Hoover,

I like a man who knows what he wants — and it’s clear from this Horry County mugshot that you like to boink. Well, guess what? I like to boink, too. Maybe we could boink together, just as soon as you get out of jail for disorderly conduct. In the meantime, I’ll just be here, with the words “Waiting 4 Garrett” written on my arm.

See you soon,

Julie

[Socialite Life]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word

Be My BF: Gumball Guy
He made the world's largest gumball out of Nicorette. Read More »
Be My BF: Mobile Office
This guy gives a whole new meaning to telecommuting. Read More »
Words We Hate
We want to retire these words and phrases forever. Read More »
"Methionylthreonylthreonylgluta..."

Dear Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word,

In second grade I gained a certain amount of notoriety on the playground for memorizing the spelling of “antidisestablishmentarianism,” which was, according to my teacher, the longest word in the world. Obviously Mrs. Shumaker was sorely mistaken, because the actual longest word in the world is the chemical name of a protein that contains 189,819 letters and takes nearly three and a half hours to pronounce in its entirety.

But you, sir, weren’t fazed by this lengthy locution. In fact, you filmed a video of yourself pronouncing the whole thing. And even as the potted plant next to you wilts tragically and your 5 o’clock shadow grows into a dark beard, you maintain your sexy Russian monotone.

After you catch your breath, would you like to read me a bedtime story?

[YouTube via Oddity Central]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Built This Epic Mobile Office In His Car

Be My Boyfriend: Jet Bike
This guys build a jet engine bike. Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Turtleman
Why Julie loves the "Call of the Wildman" star. Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Tattooed Shoes
Permanent converse? Yes, please! Read More »
Spruce Up Your Workspace
6 cheap, easy ways to improve your office. Read More »

Dear Guy Who Built This Epic Mobile Office In His Car,

Listen, dude, I get it. Why start work at 9 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. when you can get so much more done during your commute, right? God himself couldn’t build a cubicle large enough to contain your ambitions! So you did what any self-respecting workaholic would do: you built a wooden frame in the passenger seat of your car, where you attached a laptop, a printer, a router, a WLAN antenna, and a power source. This setup allowed you to conduct all your business while speeding down the autobahn at 80 miles per hour, which is exactly what you were doing when you got pulled over earlier this week.

Psh. Cops are such party poopers. What do you say we meet for a working lunch in my Volkswagen Jetta, I’ll keep it under the speed limit, and we’ll see where this goes? [Yahoo News]

Be My Boyfriend: The Great Panty Caper

Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF: Court
We want to date this "People's Court" announcer. Read More »

Dear Danai Raiwech (aka The Great Panty Caper),

Hi. How are you? You probably feel like shit right now, on bail, waiting to be charged for your involvement in nearly a half a million dollar jewelry heist. But stealing jewelry is not your life’s passion. Your life’s passion is stealing women’s underwear. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole Lobsters To Support Drug Habit

Be My BF: Will Ferrell
Old school Will Ferrell is so adorable. Read More »
Be My BF: Mullet
His mullet got him kicked out of a bar. Read More »
Be My BF: Drunk
This guy was too drunk to pose for his own mug shot. Read More »

Oh, Charles Shumanis III, the love we could have had. Earlier this month, Shumanis, 47, was convicted of stealing lobsters (!) and other meat from an Allentown, Pennsylvania-area supermarket, with the intention of selling the crustaceans to support his drug habit. Shumanis apparently repeatedly stole lobsters from the store, and was finally apprehended in March of this year.  In all, he stole around $350 in merchandise and was also charged with auto theft. He faces — get this — up to 25 years in prison. That is one expensive lobster dinner. What must ambivalent single lobster think? [MSN]

Be My Boyfriend: The “People’s Court” Announcer

Be My BF: Will Ferrell
Old school Will Ferrell is so adorable. Read More »
Be My BF: Mullet
His mullet got him kicked out of a bar. Read More »
Be My BF: Taco Cop
This guy got arrested for giving a cop tacos instead of his ID. Read More »
THE PEOPLE'S COURT!

There’s histrionics, and then there’s histrionics. And perhaps nobody knows that better than the announcer guy for “The People’s Court.” He’s turned witty voiceover-speak into a slightly sardonic, possibly passive aggressive and definitely psychotic artform. Just listen!

 

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