Tag Archives: be my boyfriend

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Was Keeping 53 King Cobras In His Car

Be My BF: Turtleman
Why Julie loves the "Call of the Wildman" star. Read More »
Be my bf: free samples
This guy got arrested for overdoing it on free samples. Read More »
Be my bf: deer head
He's been wearing this deer head for FOUR YEARS. Read More »

Dear Guy Who Was Arrested For Driving Around With 53 King Cobras In His Car,

No woman can resist a guy who lives a rock n’ roll lifestyle. In fact, I’ve previously written a love letter to a guy who was so obsessed with heavy metal that he was forced to quit his job and receive disability benefits. I thought that dude was hardcore, but daaaaaamn, your badass ways make him seem like a fluffy, cuddly kitten in comparison: you were recently arrested in Vietnam for driving around with 53 king cobras in your car. I’m terrified by this story. And also intrigued. Let’s grab a bite to eat and talk about your rock n’ roll lifestyle. We’ll take my car.

Xoxo,
Winona

[Huffington Post]

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Got Arrested For Taking Too Many Free Samples At Cub Foods

Be My BF: Mom Complaint
He called 911 to complain about his mother. Read More »
Be my BF: Deer Head
He's been wearing a deer head for four years. Read More »
Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »

Dear Erwin Lingitz,

I think it was wrong that you got arrested for taking too many free samples from your local Cub Foods. They are FREE SAMPLES for godssakes! It’s not like you stole food. If you want to ravage a lunch meat sample tray, fill a produce bag with 20 cookies from the kids cookie club tray, stuff 16 packets of soy sauce, a half-pound of summer sausage and a pound of beef sticks in your pockets, GO FOR IT.  If Cub Foods wants to get all high and mighty about how you violated “societal norms” by taking too many of their free samples, fuck them. They shouldn’t have left all that salami out if they didn’t want it stuffed in a customer’s pocket. I hope you sue them for encouraging you to take free samples and then punishing you for it. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom

Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »
Be My BF: Suing Parents
He's suing his parents for not loving him enough. Read More »

Dear Vincent Valvo, AKA The Guy Who Called 911 To Complain About His Mom,

Man, moms can be so annoying, can’t they? Mine used to try to get me to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. when I was a sophomore in high school! Ridiculous, right? And your mom sounds like a real ball-buster, or at least I’m assuming she is, because you called 911 not once, but twice in one night to complain that you “didn’t like the way she was talking to you.”

You were arrested after making the second call, but if you ever want someone to vent to in the future, you can give me a ring!

Xoxo,
Winona

[Neatorama]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who’s Been Wearing A Deer Head For 4 Years

Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Batman Goatee
This guy wears the bat signal on his face! Read More »
Be My BF: Suing Parents
He's suing his parents for not loving him enough. Read More »

Dear Luo Dan,

I want to tell you that I’m feeling you wearing this deer head mask every day for the last four years. You started wearing it while you were making your art because it make you feel peaceful (no surprise that you’re a painter) and eventually, got used to wearing it and started to wear it all the time.

“The deer is a tame animal … Wearing its mask, I could find a long-missing inner peace. When I wear the mask, I feel I am a deer from within,” you said. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Eric Ducharme, Real-Life Merman Of Florida

Unicorn Fetish
If you're into Unicorn Sex, you need these boots. Read More »
Beyonce A Mermaid?
Bey thinks she was a mermaid in a past life. Read More »
BE MY BOYFRIEND
"Haters gonna hate"

Der Eric Ducharme, Merman,

I believe that when you find the thing you love, you should hang on and never let go. In your case, the thing you love is being a Merman — that’s a male mermaid for non-merman enthusiasts — and bless you for it. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Brian Manowitz, The Vegan Lasagna-Making Black Metal Chef

Be My BF: Gassy Chef
Congratulations on farting on all of your employees, sexy! Read More »
Be My BF: Bacon Guy
This dude ate a burger with 1,050 pieces of bacon. Watch »
Be My BF: Nugget Injector
This dude figured out how to inject chicken nuggets with sauce. Read More »
be my boyfriend
Prepare, for it begins!

Dear vegan black metal chef Brian Manowitz,

I think we’d totally get along. After all, we both worship seitan (GET IT?) and enjoy face makeup and browning things in skillets. Your series, “Vegan Black Metal Chef,” has offered up tasty, healthy meals from the dark side, while simultaneously challenging the notion that vegans are pale, limp-wristed nerdlings who hate flavor. Keep reading »

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