Tag Archives: be my boyfriend

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Got A Tattoo Of His Wife On His Bald Spot

Be MY BF: Weed and Koolaid
This man dialed 911 looking for weed. Of course. Read More »
Be My BF: Klingon Sword
Johnnie Blade wielded a Klingon sword. Read More »
Be My BF: Tattooed Shoes
Permanent converse? Yes, please! Read More »

Dear Bob Baker,

Congrats on your new tattoo! It looks like it’s healing really nicely. I’m sure you’re getting a lot of attention for it right now. Not necessarily for getting a tattoo of your wife in a bikini and high heels pushing a lawnmower on your bald spot that people are calling “wicked,” but for being a 68-year-old man with a 28-year-old wife. Eh, if Courtney Stodden and Doug Hutchison can get hitched, so can you and your wife, Kelly. You’ve been together for nine years now, married for three. You’ve got nothing to prove. Although your two grown daughters, who are respectively 10 and  16 years older than your wife, may not feel the same way about the relationship. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Rick Myers, Psychotropic Mushroom & Alligator Enthusiast

Be My BF: Mom Complaint
He called 911 to complain about his mother. Read More »
Be My BF: Pasta Artist
He makes art ... from pasta. Read More »
Be My BF: Panty Thief
This man's passion in life is stealing women's underwear. Read More »

Dear Alligator Enthusiast Rick Myers,

It seems like your two favorite things are alligators and drugs, and though I’m not a fan of either of those things, really, I admire your desire to combine the two into one event. From what I understand, you were wandering around with four of your friends in Little Big Econ State Forest near Oviedo, Florida, looking for some psychotropic drugs. Police followed you in, and arrested you and four of your friends for possession of mushrooms, weed and an alligator, which you had spirited away in a backpack. The alligator was around two feet long, and wrapped in a (very big?) bandanna. I guess it’s illegal to possess an alligator without a permit, so the cops released it into the swamps, after it had been “revived a little bit.” Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Stole $200,000 In Seafood

Be My BFs: Chicken
These guys stole $65K in chicken wings. Read More »
Be My BF: Cheese Thief
Share your muenster with me, man! Read More »
Be my bf: free samples
This guy got arrested for overdoing it on free samples. Read More »

I’m vegan, but even I can appreciate a man who appreciates seafood. A guy like Dave Subil, who spirited away with more than $60,000 in seafood supplies. Subil pretended to be in charge of acquiring a bunch of the fishy stuff from a wholesale vendor, and purchased the shrimp and fish with counterfeit checks. The Florida man (of course) now faces six counts of wire fraud and two counts of organized schemes to defraud. Schemes! Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: The Treadmill Dancer

People At The Gym
In GIFs! Read More »
Types Of Dancers
You'll always see these people shakin' it at the club. Read More »
Gym Hookups
Gym sex is a problem. Read More »
Hold me closer, treadmill dancer!

Dear Treadmill Dancer,

Do you know how hard it is to find a man who loves to dance? Who is also in excellent aerobic condition? And who seems to have absolutely no inhibitions? You are truly the whole package. Maybe someday we can choreograph a couple’s dance on a pair of side-by-side treadmills. I’ve gotta start practicing. See you at the gym!

Xoxo
Winona

[YouTube via Laughing Squid]

Be My Boyfriend: WoW Gamer Goes From Virtual Blacksmith To Real Life One

Be my bf: deer head
He's been wearing this deer head for FOUR YEARS. Read More »
Be My BF: Klingon Sword
Johnnie Blade wielded a Klingon sword. Read More »
Be My BF: Logo Head
He sells ad space on his head. Watch »

Dear Richard Oldham,

I understand that you really like World of Warcraft, the popular interactive video game. In the game, you forged a career as a blacksmith, turning not-real metals into not-real weapons. Few people take their online avatars and turn them into real careers, but most people aren’t you, Rich. Also, I suppose it’s easier to become a blacksmith than, say, a wizard or a warlock, right? Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Dialed 911 Looking For Kool-Aid & Weed

Be My Boyfriend: Batman Goatee
This guy wears the bat signal on his face! Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Gum Guy
He made the world's largest gumball out of Nicorette. Read More »
Be My Boyfriend: Meth Guy
He ate a bobcat while on meth, so what? Read More »

Dear Jarvis Sutton,

Are you my soulmate? I think you might be, because it’s pretty clear you appreciate Kool-Aid almost as much as I do. I love the Kool-Aid man so much, especially when he comes crashing through a wall screaming his signature catch phrase, “Oh yeah!” in his creepy smoker’s voice. 

Or maybe there’s another reason you dialed 911 eighty times to request a home delivery of Kool-Aid, hamburgers and weed. When St. Petersburg, Florida, police arrested you for misusing the 911 system, you were apparently so hungry that you tried eating the foam attached to the metal cage in the back of the police car. I understand that you are still in jail at the moment, unable to make the $150 bond. I would bail you out, but I was planning on using that money for a mammoth Kool-Aid run at Costco, so… Keep reading »

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