Posts tagged "be my boyfriend"

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Got This Poem Tattooed On His Shoulder

Dear Tattooed Poet,

You got the following poem tattooed on your shoulder: “Roses are red/ My name is Dave/ This poem makes no sense/ Microwave.” Obviously you have a way with words and a keen eye for art. I wrote you a little response poem that I hope you’ll enjoy:

Violets

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / September 21, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Called 911 Twice To Report His Dream

Dear Mark Welch,

I would like to start by saying that even if no one else does, I believe you. I’ve had that happen to me before — where I woke up and the same stuff that I dreamed happened to me in real life. I was in college, around you age, whe…

By: Ami Angelowicz / September 7, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Russian Pasta Artist

Dear Sergey Pakhomov aka The Pasta Artist,

Six years ago you were working on an ad campaign for a Russian macaroni company and were struck by divine inspiration: what if you built models of various objects using macaroni? So you did, and the ad campaign fizzled, but your life was forever changed. Now…

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / September 6, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Old School Will Ferrell, When He Wore Just White Undies And Swimming Goggles

Modern day Will Ferrell seems like a total blast, but college era Will Ferrell appears to have been a stone cold foxy frat boy the likes of which he would one day portray in “Old School.” Call me crazy, but I am into it. I’m don’t know what he and his brodawg are up to…

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / August 29, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Skateboard Rabbi (On Drugs) On “The Price Is Right”

Josh Androsky is a skateboarding rabbi who decided to take some mushrooms and get a little bit wasted before attending a taping of long-running game show “The Price is Right.” Miraculously, Josh was plucked out of the audience and chosen as a contestant, despite the fact that, in his words, he “lied to Drew Carey’…

By: Julie Gerstein / August 23, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Drunk Tourist Who Took A Nap On The Baggage Conveyor Belt

Dear Drunk Tourist,

You sauntered up to the Rome airport’s international terminal with a backpack and a can of beer, ready to check in for your flight. When no one showed up to help you (God, customer service these days!), you jumped over the counter and snuggled up on the baggage belt for…

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / August 16, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Wants A Hawk At His 30th Birthday Party

I saw this Craigslist ad looking for a falconer to bring “an aggressive flying killing machine” to a 30th birthday posted on Facebook. I’m not sure if it’s for a party held by my old colleague who posted it on Facebook, or someone else, but it doesn’t matter: I want this Craigslist author to be…

By: Jessica Wakeman / July 27, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Arrested For Giving Cop Tacos

Oh darling Matthew Falkner of Palm City, Florida (always, always Florida), you and I are soulmates. After all, you were arrested in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, after employees there noticed you were idling your car in the lot and pressing heavily on the accelerator, with smoke coming out of the engine. Police…

By: Julie Gerstein / July 26, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Sings Lullabies To Polar Bears

Dear Russian Bear Patrol Officer Vladilen Kavriy Who Sings Lullabies To Polar Bears,

First of all, can we talk about how rad it is that your job title is “Bear Patrol Officer”? Does it say that on your business cards? Do you have anyone to give business cards to in places where polar bear…

By: Jessica Wakeman / July 18, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Selling A Live, Baby Shark On The NYC Subway

Dear Shark Man,

Is it OK if I call you that? I don’t know your name. But I wish I did. I have seen a lot of things on the NYC subway — a man in a horse costume, a woman who plays “The Chicken Dance” on a recorder, a man who panhandle…

By: Ami Angelowicz / July 13, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy On A Cathedral Licking Tour

Dear Lawrence Edmonds,

From one person who can’t resist a dare to another, I bow down to you for taking this one on. Licking 62 Anglican Cathedrals in the UK in 13 months and taking photographic evidence of it just to avoid having to perform an act of public streaking? That’s really something.

By: Ami Angelowicz / July 7, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Sings “Kiss From A Rose” To His Cat

Dear Guy Who Sings “Kiss From A Rose” To His Cat,

Not all of us can hit a high note. Hell, not all of us can hit any notes. But that hasn’t stopped you from expressing your love in the best way you know how: by serenading your cat with Seal’s masterpiece, “Ki…

By: Jessica Wakeman / July 6, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Used Farts As A Weapon

It’s not often that I’m impressed by a man’s physical abilities. But Guy Who Farted So Loud Your Neighbor Pulled A Gun On You, you, my friend, have some major fart skills, and maybe the key to my heart. One, I love a man who’s confident enough in his bodily functions to let one ri…

By: Julie Gerstein / June 27, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Tim Tebow Prank Caller Who Lives In A Pillow Fort

Dear Jason Slater,

May I start off by saying that one of the most attractive qualities a potential boyfriend can have is a sense of playfulness. And you, my friend, have that. I see absolutely nothing wrong with the fact that you are 28 years old and live in a pillow fort i…

By: Ami Angelowicz / June 20, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Crashed A Church Dressed As The Devil

Dear Devil Impersonator,

They have not revealed your identity, but aren’t you quite the little shit starter. I wonder what gave you the idea to put on a devil costume and try to crash a confirmation service at a church in northern Africa. Granted, you were arrested before you made it into the…

By: Ami Angelowicz / June 15, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Most Misogynist Tree Removal Guy

You had me at, “I don’t take no orders from no woman.”

Meet Ihor Stetkewycz, the man of my dreams — a tree removal guy who pissed off Detroit-area residents when he dumped a pile of tree stumps on their street and sped off. But that’s not why we’re in love. Ihor i…

By: Julie Gerstein / June 14, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Tried To Take Kitten To A Strip Club

Insert your favorite pussy joke here: A guy in — where else? — Florida, was arrested after he tried to take his kitten into a strip club and was denied entry. Everett Lages was arrested after he repeatedly called 911 after being told he had to leave the premises. Lages apparently expected that the co…

By: Julie Gerstein / June 12, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Toothpick Caper

Dear Unidentified Man Who Stole 400,000 Toothpicks,

Let me start by saying that I do not condone theft. But I will say, your crime intrigues me. I am imagining the circumstances under which someone would break into a toothpick factory and steal $3,000 worth of product — that’s nearly half a million toothpicks!

By: Ami Angelowicz / June 12, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Filled His House With Mammoth Bones

Dear Guy Who Filled His House With Mammoth Bones,

Two years ago, when you found your first woolly mammoth bone in your Iowa backyard, you reacted like most people would, by saying to your sons, “Boys, that’s a bone. That’s a really big bone.” But it was how you proceeded after that that…

By: Winona Dimeo-Ediger / June 8, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Turned His Dead Cat Into A Helicopter

Artist Burt Jansen was bummed when his cat Orville was killed by a car, but he also saw his pet’s death as an artistic opportunity — turning lemons into lemonade, if you will. Jansen stuffed the dead animal, and through some ingenious engineering, turned Orville the Cat into Orville the Helicopter, or the Orvillecopter. The…

By: Julie Gerstein / June 4, 2012