Posts tagged "be my boyfriend"

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Received Disability Benefits For His Heavy Metal Addiction

Dear Roger Tullgren AKA The Guy Who Received Disability Benefits For His Heavy Metal Addiction,
A lot of people claim to lead a heavy metal lifestyle, but as far as I know, you’re the only one who has had three separate psychologists confirm that your obsession with heavy metal is actually a clinical addiction. After you…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / January 2, 2013

A Response To Brandon Chicotsky Of

Dear Brandon,

First may I say that I am beyond flattered that you A) read my “Be My Boyfriend” post about you and B) made a video in response. To quote myself when I found out about it: “This is the best thing that has ever happened to me!”

I have…

Ami Angelowicz / December 28, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Man Issued Formal Warning For Farting Too Much At Work

Dear 38-Year-Old Anonymous Man,

You must be dying of embarrassment right now after receiving a five-page, formal letter of reprimand from your employer accusing you of “uncontrollable flatulence” that is creating an “intolerable” and “hostile” environment for coworkers. OUCH.

Apparently, you told your supervisor that you suffered from “some medical conditions,”…

Ami Angelowicz / December 27, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Wore His Entire Wardrobe To The Airport

Dear Resourceful Baggage Guy,

I love a man who finds innovative solutions to life’s annoying problems. And your solution to astronomical airline baggage fees was particularly smart: Rather than carry luggage, you wore yours, somehow managing to don more than 70 items of clothing in Guangzhou Baiyun International Airport.

Julie Gerstein / December 19, 2012

The 15 Best Boyfriends Of 2012

When we say the “best” boyfriends, we mean the worst, or in some cases, the most ridiculous. We’ve rounded up the best of our “Be My Boyfriend” series this year. Really, we’re not planning on dating these guys, but said in the most diplomatic way possible, we marvel at them. These guys exist……

The Frisky / December 17, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Answered A Hot Iron Instead Of The Phone

Dear Tomsaz Tomasz Paczkowski,

First of all, I hope your face is healing. It’s true that no good deed goes unpunished. I know it didn’t work out for you, trying to help your wife with the housework, but you get an A+ for effort. It was seriously sweet that you to offer to do…

Ami Angelowicz / December 13, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Real Life Cookie Monster

Dear Real Life Cookie Monster,
Listen, I know absolutely nothing about you, except for the fact that you are dressed in a Cookie Monster costume while buying a package of Chips Ahoy in a surprisingly dispassionate manner. I don’t need to know anything else. Please give me your address so I can bring you a…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / December 10, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Real-Life Edward Scissorhands

Dear Valentino LoSauro,
I’ve been waiting for Edward Scissorhands to give me a haircut since 1990. I know you don’t look like Johnny Depp, and I don’t look that much like Winona Ryder, but I’d like you to give me a haircut with your Clawz. (I like to put “Z”s on the endz of my…

Ami Angelowicz / December 7, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Stole 30 Cars In Less Than 3 Months

Dear Reynaldo Nazario,

Some car thieves take an entire lifetime to accomplish what you did in less than three months — stealing 30 cars in 75 days. Your steadfast dedication to your craft has meant that you’ve spent quite a lot of time in prison — nine out of the last 10 year…

Julie Gerstein / December 3, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Rents His Bald Head As Ad Space

Dear Brandon Chicotsky,
Congrats on your new business venture,! I love that you turned your early onset baldness into a way to make money and bring “bald and beautiful back.” Not that it was ever out, per se. At least, not in my mind. Seriously, I think you look good, even with that…

Ami Angelowicz / November 30, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: “Down 2 Boink” Con

Dear Garrett Michael Hoover,
I like a man who knows what he wants — and it’s clear from this Horry County mugshot that you like to boink. Well, guess what? I like to boink, too. Maybe we could boink together, just as soon as you get out of jail for disorderly conduct. In the meantime,…

Julie Gerstein / November 29, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word

Dear Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word,
In second grade I gained a certain amount of notoriety on the playground for memorizing the spelling of “antidisestablishmentarianism,” which was, according to my teacher, the longest word in the world. Obviously Mrs. Shumaker was sorely mistaken, because the actual longest word in the world…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / November 27, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Built This Epic Mobile Office In His Car

Dear Guy Who Built This Epic Mobile Office In His Car,
Listen, dude, I get it. Why start work at 9 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. when you can get so much more done during your commute, right? God himself couldn’t build a cubicle large enough to contain your ambitions! So you did what…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / November 21, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: The Great Panty Caper

Dear Danai Raiwech (aka The Great Panty Caper),

Hi. How are you? You probably feel like shit right now, on bail, waiting to be charged for your involvement in nearly a half a million dollar jewelry heist. But stealing jewelry is not your life’s passion. Your life’s passion is stealing women’s underwear.

Ami Angelowicz / November 16, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole Lobsters To Support Drug Habit

Oh, Charles Shumanis III, the love we could have had. Earlier this month, Shumanis, 47, was convicted of stealing lobsters (!) and other meat from an Allentown, Pennsylvania-area supermarket, with the intention of selling the crustaceans to support his drug habit. Shumanis apparently repeatedly stole lobsters from the store, and was finally apprehended in March…

Julie Gerstein / November 6, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: The “People’s Court” Announcer

There’s histrionics, and then there’s histrionics. And perhaps nobody knows that better than the announcer guy for “The People’s Court.” He’s turned witty voiceover-speak into a slightly sardonic, possibly passive aggressive and definitely psychotic artform. Just listen!

Julie Gerstein / October 28, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Bodybuilder Who Forgot To Apply Fake Tanner To His Face

Dear Number 49,

Congrats on making it to the Super Heavyweight finals at the Arnold Classic Europe in Madrid this weekend! That’s awesome! I’m sorry that you didn’t win, but still, you were the star of the show. I wish I could say you were getting attention for all your hard work and…

Ami Angelowicz / October 16, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Whose Beautiful Mullet Got Him Kicked Out Of Bar

Oh Australia, what were you thinking? A bar in Perth in the Land of the Criminals kicked a guy out for having a mullet haircut. A bouncer at Print Hall’s rooftop bar told mullet-wearer David Hoogland that “his kind” wasn’t welcome at the establishment — and it’s all because of his business in the front,…

Julie Gerstein / October 11, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: French Guy Who Buried Himself In A Hole For A Week To Read

Dear French Guy Who Buried Himself In A Hole For A Week,
Sometimes life gets really overwhelming, and I want to just, I don’t know, bury myself in a hole with a stack of books and not talk to anyone for a week! Yeah! That’s what I want to do! Do you think that’s crazy?

Winona Dimeo-Ediger / October 4, 2012

Be My Boyfriend: Vegetable Musician

Dear Vegetable Musician,

Hello. Nice to meet you. I don’t know your name, but I came across this video of you playing your celery nose flute and developed an instantaneous crush. Some people think celery is a boring vegetable. You’ve proved them wrong! Celery has so much untapped potential (it goes great with…

Ami Angelowicz / September 26, 2012