Dear Paul Little AKA The Guy Who Superimposed His Face Into “Home Alone” So He Could Play Every Character,
I am a huge fan of “Home Alone.” I quote it constantly. I went to see it at a movie theater a couple weeks ago and sat next to an old man who had never seen it and it was hilarious. It’s obvious you share my “Home Alone” obsession, because you decided to forego a traditional Christmas card this year, and instead sent your friends this video of your face superimposed onto every single character in “Home Alone.” I must say all your impressions are pretty solid, although I feel like my Uncle Frank is slightly better than yours. Shall we get together for a plain cheese pizza sometime and find out?
Dear Yves Rossy AKA “Jetman,”
Ever since I was a kid, the technological advancement I’ve been most impatient for is the personal jetpack. Flying cars? Meh. Teleportation? Whatevs. Immortality? No thanks. But the idea of strapping on a freakin’ JETPACK and taking off to explore the great unknown? YES PLEASE. And you, sir, are quite literally living my dream. Last week, you strapped on your custom jetpack and flew a wide circle around Mount Fuji. And you didn’t stop there. You did it eight more times. Quick question: is there room for two on that thing? If so, give me a call.
Dear Darrian Crutcher, AKA The Detroit Mailman Who Saved A Woman From A Burning House And Then Finished His Route,
My love, respect, and doe-eyed adoration for postal carriers has been well documented, but usually my mailman crushes just, you know, deliver mail and show off their toned calves. You’re different. You don’t just deliver mail, you save lives! Keep reading »
Dear Cheese Man,
Hello there. I’d like to start off by saying that we ride the same subway line. Why have I never seen you before? I see the man who panhandles with a live snake, the performance art clown and the lady who plays the “Chicken Dance” on her recorder ALL THE TIME. But I have never seen you and your cheese wheel before. A man wrote into Gothamist complaining about your stinky cheese and the way you ate it:
“Homeboy was seriously enjoying a half wheel of what must have been a severely aged Brie with crackers. He’d dig his gross fingers into the Brie, dig out a piece, slap on a cracker and throw it down. The Brie was highly fragrant and most straphangers were appalled. He also licked his fingers after each bite (perhaps my biggest pet peeve/gross out move) …It gave me the chills to watch his saliva soaked fingers dive repeatedly into that ripe cheese.”
Keep reading »
I know you guys are sick of hearing about Miley, but you know who isn’t? CARL MCCOID. Surely, you remember Carl? In June 2012, I asked him to Be My Boyfriend, on account of the fact that I found his devotion to Miley Cyrus, in the form of 15 Miley-themed tattoos, to be quite, um, thorough. And sweet? Well, Miley has changed a lot in the last 15 months, but Carl’s love for the pop star has only grown. So has his tattoo collection. He has six new Miley tattoos, including a huge portrait of Miley sticking her tongue out on his rib cage, and a tribute to her new album, Bangerz, on his back. And, ahem, he can’t stop. He’s already planning on his 22nd tattoo, but is debating between two options. “My 22nd is due in two weeks,” Carl told Celebuzz. It’s a choice between the VMAs iconic facial expression or her amazing profile facial side image.” A tough choice, Carl. What should he do, you guys? See more pics of his latest tattoos at the link! [Celebuzz] [Photos: Celebuzz/Carl McCoid]
Dear Joe Salter, AKA The Guy Who Ran An Entire Marathon Backward While Juggling,
Some of the qualities I most admire in a man are a sense of humor, cardiovascular health, and superb hand-eye coordination. Based on the fact that you recently completed Illinois’ Quad Cities Marathon while running backward and continuously juggling, I feel confident that you meet all of these standards. You might have missed out on a Guinness World Record due to a tragic technicality (certain parts of the race didn’t allow filming, so they can’t verify your feat), but you have endurance-juggled your way right into my heart. Care to meet me for a jog — backward or forward — sometime?