Posts tagged "be my boyfriend"

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Stole 42,000 Pounds Of Cheese

Dear Veniamin Balika,

Let me preface this love letter by saying that I understand that stealing is wrong and don’t condone it. But I can’t help but be…

Ami Angelowicz | March 29, 2013 - 1:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Was Fined $2,000 For Playing Celine Dion Songs Too Loud

Dear Jacek Korolko AKA The Guy Who Was Fined For Blasting Celine Dion Songs,
My love for Celine Dion is well documented, but it’s tough for me to find men…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger | March 25, 2013 - 4:00 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Would Rather Die Than Offend His Hot Airplane Seat Mate

Dear Anonymous,

I don’t know your name, but I commend you for your effort to be the best airplane seat mate ever. Sure, you took it a bit…

Ami Angelowicz | March 14, 2013 - 12:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Man Suing His Parents For Not Loving Him Enough

Dear Bernard Anderson Bey,

As a 32-year-old homeless man, I think you’ve sensed that it’s time to take stock of your life, take responsibility for your actions and…

Ami Angelowicz | February 26, 2013 - 12:40 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Rutherford Chang Has Nearly 700 Copies Of The Beatles’ The White Album

Dear Rutherford,

I heard you’re a Beatles fan, which is great. I mean, I guess that takes care of that difficult “are you a Beatles or a Rolling…

Julie Gerstein | February 19, 2013 - 2:40 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Klingon Sword-Wielding Floridian Johnnie Blade

Dear Johnnie Blade,
First of all, your parents clearly knew you were destined for greatness, because they gave you a name that could only befit a future porn star or…

Amelia McDonell-Parry | February 14, 2013 - 1:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend Weekend Party Round Up: Sex With Horses, The Peanut Butter Solution, A Freestyle Rap Defense — And More!

Remember that dream you had in middle school to have the coolest boyfriend ever? Well guess what? These guys are all up for grabs. So girls, don’t fight (it’s not…

Julie Gerstein | February 8, 2013 - 12:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Man Who Tried To Hide The Fact The He’s “The Sun”

Dear Brett Eric Drachenburg aka “The Sun,”
If were sitting in the same room right now, I would be giving you a slow clap. From a safe distance, of course.

Ami Angelowicz | February 7, 2013 - 5:00 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Drove Drunk Inside A Walmart

Dear Timothy Carr,
A lot of people drive drunk, but it takes a special kind of man (usually from Florida) to drive drunk inside. According to a report from Brooksville,…

Julie Gerstein | February 6, 2013 - 3:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Czech Prez Candidate With A Full Face Tattoo

Dear Vladimir Franz,

They say that beauty is only skin deep, and it’s pretty clear that you took that literally. As the first fully-tattooed presidential candidate of the…

Julie Gerstein | February 4, 2013 - 4:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend(s): Two Awesome Thieves Who Stole More Than $65K In Chicken

Dear Dewayne Patterson and Renaldo Jackson,

You guys obviously like chicken. And I like guys who like chicken. So let’s have a menage a poulet. At least, I’m…

Julie Gerstein | January 29, 2013 - 8:30 am

Be My Boyfriend: JacksFilms Dude Is The Ultimate Grammarian

I admit I’m even a little nervous writing this, because Jack of JacksFilms is generally concerned with only one thing — the paltry grammar of internet commenters and social networkers.

Julie Gerstein | January 28, 2013 - 9:20 am

We’re Breaking Up: Drunk Guy Who Had Sex With A Snowman And Got Frostbite

Dear Kenneth Guillespie,

I hate to be the one to say this to you, but it’s time to get sober, buddy. You probably already know this, but it…

Ami Angelowicz | January 25, 2013 - 8:30 am

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Plays The Alcordion

DearĀ Ivan Zamotaev,
I’ve always had a thing for men who play accordions, so when you walked onto the “Russia’s Got Talent” stage and debuted your talent–playing a fascinating instrument called…

Winona Dimeo-Ediger | January 24, 2013 - 12:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Naked Burglar Who Jumped On Roof, Emptied Vacuum & Masturbated In A Stranger’s House

Dear Gregory Matthew Bruni,

You sound like quite an impressive criminal — even for Florida, which is full of impressive criminals. It seems this past Monday you were…

Julie Gerstein | January 23, 2013 - 11:20 am

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Outsourced His Job To China So He Could Watch Cat Videos

Dear Amazing Outsourcer,

Most of us are guilty of loafing off on the job a couple times a day. But you, Anonymous Job Outsourcer, decided to game the…

Julie Gerstein | January 16, 2013 - 1:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Handcuffed Himself To A Taco Bell Employee He Fancied

Dear Jason Earl Dean,

I understand that this week a judge sentenced you to four years in prison for handcuffing yourself to a woman who wouldn’t go out…

Julie Gerstein | January 10, 2013 - 2:20 pm

Be My Boyfriend (Someday): Evan, The 10-Year-Old Cat Lover Who Donates His Allowance To Save Kitties

Dear Evan,

I realize that at 10, you’re a bit too young to actually be my boyfriend. However, I’d just like to give you a shout out, as…

Julie Gerstein | January 7, 2013 - 12:40 pm

Be My Boyfriend: Florida Man Who Called His Mom For A Ride After Robbing A Store

Dear Zachariah Dalton,

Most women will tell you that they want a man who’s close to his parents. A man who loves and respects his mother and father…

Julie Gerstein | January 7, 2013 - 8:30 am

Be My Boyfriend: Chef Who Farted On All Of His Employees And Posted A Craigslist Ad To Announce It

Dear Farting Chef,

Food and farts! You sir, know how to make a lady swoon. Farting Chef, your Craigslist ad detailing the achievement of your three-month mission to…

Ami Angelowicz | January 3, 2013 - 3:20 pm