Dear Guy Who Built This Epic Mobile Office In His Car,
Listen, dude, I get it. Why start work at 9 a.m. and end at 5 p.m. when you can get so much more done during your commute, right? God himself couldn’t build a cubicle large enough to contain your ambitions! So you did what any self-respecting workaholic would do: you built a wooden frame in the passenger seat of your car, where you attached a laptop, a printer, a router, a WLAN antenna, and a power source. This setup allowed you to conduct all your business while speeding down the autobahn at 80 miles per hour, which is exactly what you were doing when you got pulled over earlier this week.
Psh. Cops are such party poopers. What do you say we meet for a working lunch in my Volkswagen Jetta, I’ll keep it under the speed limit, and we’ll see where this goes? [Yahoo News]
Dear Danai Raiwech (aka The Great Panty Caper),
Hi. How are you? You probably feel like shit right now, on bail, waiting to be charged for your involvement in nearly a half a million dollar jewelry heist. But stealing jewelry is not your life’s passion. Your life’s passion is stealing women’s underwear. Keep reading »
Oh, Charles Shumanis III, the love we could have had. Earlier this month, Shumanis, 47, was convicted of stealing lobsters (!) and other meat from an Allentown, Pennsylvania-area supermarket, with the intention of selling the crustaceans to support his drug habit. Shumanis apparently repeatedly stole lobsters from the store, and was finally apprehended in March of this year. In all, he stole around $350 in merchandise and was also charged with auto theft. He faces — get this — up to 25 years in prison. That is one expensive lobster dinner. What must ambivalent single lobster think? [MSN]
There’s histrionics, and then there’s histrionics. And perhaps nobody knows that better than the announcer guy for “The People’s Court.” He’s turned witty voiceover-speak into a slightly sardonic, possibly passive aggressive and definitely psychotic artform. Just listen!
Dear Number 49,
Congrats on making it to the Super Heavyweight finals at the Arnold Classic Europe in Madrid this weekend! That’s awesome! I’m sorry that you didn’t win, but still, you were the star of the show. I wish I could say you were getting attention for all your hard work and dedication to the sport of bodybuilding. I cannot. Number 49, people are talking smack about your two-tone tan. It looks like you forgot to slather fake tanner on your face.
Keep reading »
Oh Australia, what were you thinking? A bar in Perth in the Land of the Criminals kicked a guy out for having a mullet haircut. A bouncer at Print Hall’s rooftop bar told mullet-wearer David Hoogland that “his kind” wasn’t welcome at the establishment — and it’s all because of his business in the front, party in the back haircut. Hoogland says he was asked leave because of his hair.
Keep reading »