Dear Nicholas Money, AKA The Fungus Guy Who Was Recently Profiled By NPR,
My parents used to run with a pretty wild crowd of biologists, all of whom were passionate about their subjects, but it seems the botanists were especially zealous. In fact, one of their friends legally changed his last name to Lichen to show his love for the fungus/algae hybrid. So when I saw the article about you, I was instantly intrigued. Mushrooms, mold, and fungus are your life’s work, and you’re surprisingly poetic about it. “Every breath that we take — from first gasp to last breath — we’re inhaling fungal spores.” Dude, that could be an excerpt from our wedding vows. You’ve suffered for science, as evidenced by the case of jock itch you contracted in a grad school lab. Plus, the whole mold thing is kind of dark and sexy, in a way. It’s a little goth. Let’s grab a portobello burger and see where this goes. [NPR]
Dear anonymous guy who was arrested for playing too much cowbell during this week’s demonstrations against Wisconsin governor Scott Walker,
The cowbell, she is a seductive beast, isn’t she? The lure of her timber can prove too strong for some, and nay, you found yourself driven to her lusty charms over and over again. Actually, it came to the point where police were moved to arrest you during a protest against Scott Walker because you refused to silence your beloved cowbell. In fact, your cowbell love so enraged one of your fellow protesters that she hit you on the back with her picket sign. The both of you were arrested, but I hope that hasn’t allowed your cowbell dedication to wane. It is, as you, Christopher Walken, and I know, what we all need more of. [AP]
There’s nothing quite as sexy as a guy who knows what’s important in life; people not things. He’s not homeless, he’s a gainfully employed dude famous for his devout minimalism. Andrew Hyde a technology consultant, started his quest to simplify his life by challenging himself to make due with only 100 possessions (socks and underwear not included). It felt so good, that he decided to eliminate even more of his belongings until he he owned only 15 items. Some of Andrew’s essentials include a backpack (which fits all of his things), running shoes, toiletry kit, a MacBook Air and an iPhone. Impressive, Andrew! I wonder he’s willing to make room for one more thing; an available women who hates getting rid of stuff and is admittedly a bit of a toiletry hoarder. I could probably learn a lot from this guy. That, and Andrew’s 15 items would fit so effortlessly into a small corner of my apartment. No giving up any closet space! [Oddity Central]
Dear guy who tried to buy a microwave and vacuum at Wal-Mart with a $1 million bill,
Based on your shopping list, I can see you appreciate cleanliness and efficiency–you want to defrost your chicken breasts in 3 minutes and keep your carpets dustmite-free. That’s commendable. But it was the way tried to pay for these products that really has me intrigued. You handed that Wal-Mart cashier a $1 million dollar bill and waited patiently for your change. This shows me ingenuity, boldness, and, dare I say it: patriotism. Because in these uncertain financial times, your desire to stimulate the economy and your unwavering faith in the value of a dollar is downright inspiring. It makes me want to pledge allegiance to the American flag that waves proudly in the Arkansas breeze at Wal-Mart corporate headquarters.
And as soon as I’m done drawing up this $1 billion dollar bill, baby, I’m taking us to Red Lobster. [CNET]
I would like to take a moment to express my admiration for 28-year-old Colin Hagendorf, the dude who ate slices of cheese from 362 Manhattan pizza joints and blogged about each and every one. Even after his daunting endeavor to do a thorough taste investigation of the state of affairs of the NYC pizza scene (he says that seven out of 10 places serve sucky slices), he’s still down to eat more. “I still love eating pizza, but I just got sick of writing about pizza … I will always eat pizza. There’s nothing better for lunch or dinner … I eat pizza. That’s what I do,” Colin says. The dedication. The passion. The stomach of steel. My kind of man. We could eat slices together forever and ever. Colin, meet me at Ginos Pizza and we will see if that sauce is really as “delicate” as you say. [NY Daily News]
First off, how was your Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty great. Over the holiday weekend, I spent some quality time catching up on episodes of my fave TV shows that I managed to miss, including “My Strange Addiction.” And that’s how I came to know you and decided that you would make a great boyfriend for me. You’re addicted to pulling hair out of shower drains. I have a lot of hair in my shower drain that needs to be pulled out. See? We already have so much in common. Keep reading »
Meth, it’s a hell of drug. In the case of meth user and potential new boyfriend candidate Henry Arnibal, the drug caused him to kill, skin and eat a bobcat. It’s unclear whether Arnibal actually bothered cooking the bobcat meat before eating it (who has the time, really, when you’re busy doing meth?), but it’s believed that he was driven to kill the animal after it attacked and killed several of Arnibal’s roosters. It’s technically not illegal to eat a bobcat, but it is illegal to kill a bobcat without a permit. Arnibal was arrested for that, as well as — surprise surprise — drug possession. [Huffington Post]
Dear guy holding this purrrrfectly wonderful sign featuring a fluffy Persian cat without health insurance,
I know we already agree on two things: Politics and kittttttttehs. Let’s date.
Dear Banana Sweater Boyfriend,
Look, I already know we’re going to get along. After all, we both like garish Cosby sweaters, and bananas. What more do you need to form the basis to a solid relationship?
[$284, Perks and Mini] Keep reading »
Dave Salmoni sounds like he’s Canadian, handles baby animals and has a degree in BEARS. Yeah, that’s what I said, a degree in BEARS. This guy knows everything about bears, and can even hold a baby grizzly bear on his lap. Let’s date, Dave Salmoni; I promise I won’t bite nearly as hard as a BEAR! [Jimmy Kimmel Live
] Keep reading »