Tag Archives: be my boyfriend

Be My Boyfriend: Real Life Cookie Monster

Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Sexy Food Costumes
Food Halloween Costumes
Maybe you've gone the edible route this Halloween. Read More »
Be My BF: Pasta Artist
He makes art ... from pasta. Read More »

Dear Real Life Cookie Monster,

Listen, I know absolutely nothing about you, except for the fact that you are dressed in a Cookie Monster costume while buying a package of Chips Ahoy in a surprisingly dispassionate manner. I don’t need to know anything else. Please give me your address so I can bring you a box of Oreos and hold up a sign that says, “To me, you are perfect.”

xoxo,
Winona

[Neatorama]

Be My Boyfriend: Real-Life Edward Scissorhands

Be My BF: Logo Head
He sells ad space on his head. Watch »
Be My BF: Long Word
This guy spent 3.5 hours pronouncing a word. Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF!
He cutz with Clawz!

Dear Valentino LoSauro,

I’ve been waiting for Edward Scissorhands to give me a haircut since 1990. I know you don’t look like Johnny Depp, and I don’t look that much like Winona Ryder, but I’d like you to give me a haircut with your Clawz. (I like to put “Z”s on the endz of my wordz, too!)

You’ve been quoted as saying that Clawz bring musicality to hairdressing. And you use special cutting techniques you’ve dubbed “Flight of the Bumblebee” and “Zap” and “Raking.” It’s obvious that you are a former pianist. I was a singer. We have so much in common!

Valentino, cut my hair. Zap me. Bumblebee me. Rake me. Put your Clawz all over my head. Be my hairdresser. But we can skip the blindfold.

Yourz,
Ami Angelowicz
[Oddity Central]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Stole 30 Cars In Less Than 3 Months

Be My BF: Reader
This dude buried himself in a hole to read. Read More »
Be My BF: Bacon Guy
This dude ate a burger with 1,050 pieces of bacon. Watch »
Be My BF: Gumball Guy
He made the world's largest gumball out of Nicorette. Read More »

Dear Reynaldo Nazario,

Some car thieves take an entire lifetime to accomplish what you did in less than three months — stealing 30 cars in 75 days. Your steadfast dedication to your craft has meant that you’ve spent quite a lot of time in prison — nine out of the last 10 years you’ve been locked away on charges related to car theft. But that just shows you can be dedicated and committed to something (or someone) you care about. Keep reading »

Be My Boyfriend: “Down 2 Boink” Con

Be My BF: Will Ferrell
Old school Will Ferrell is so adorable. Read More »
Be My BF: Pasta Artist
He makes art ... from pasta. Read More »
Be My BF: Lobster Thief
He stole lobsters to buy drugs. Read More »
Be My BF: Turtleman
Why Julie loves the "Call of the Wildman" star. Read More »

Dear Garrett Michael Hoover,

I like a man who knows what he wants — and it’s clear from this Horry County mugshot that you like to boink. Well, guess what? I like to boink, too. Maybe we could boink together, just as soon as you get out of jail for disorderly conduct. In the meantime, I’ll just be here, with the words “Waiting 4 Garrett” written on my arm.

See you soon,

Julie

[Socialite Life]

Be My Boyfriend: Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word

Be My BF: Gumball Guy
He made the world's largest gumball out of Nicorette. Read More »
Be My BF: Mobile Office
This guy gives a whole new meaning to telecommuting. Read More »
Words We Hate
We want to retire these words and phrases forever. Read More »
"Methionylthreonylthreonylgluta..."

Dear Guy Who Spent 3.5 Hours Pronouncing The World’s Longest Word,

In second grade I gained a certain amount of notoriety on the playground for memorizing the spelling of “antidisestablishmentarianism,” which was, according to my teacher, the longest word in the world. Obviously Mrs. Shumaker was sorely mistaken, because the actual longest word in the world is the chemical name of a protein that contains 189,819 letters and takes nearly three and a half hours to pronounce in its entirety.

But you, sir, weren’t fazed by this lengthy locution. In fact, you filmed a video of yourself pronouncing the whole thing. And even as the potted plant next to you wilts tragically and your 5 o’clock shadow grows into a dark beard, you maintain your sexy Russian monotone.

After you catch your breath, would you like to read me a bedtime story?

[YouTube via Oddity Central]

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