When we say the “best” boyfriends, we mean the worst, or in some cases, the most ridiculous. We’ve rounded up the best of our “Be My Boyfriend” series this year. Really, we’re not planning on dating these guys, but said in the most diplomatic way possible, we marvel at them. These guys exist…
Tomsaz Tomasz Paczkowski,
First of all, I hope your face is healing. It’s true that no good deed goes unpunished. I know it didn’t work out for you, trying to help your wife with the housework, but you get an A+ for effort. It was seriously sweet that you to offer to do the ironing while watching boxing and drinking a beer, but unless you’re skilled at doing four things at once (I’m not either!), you’re bound to make a mistake, like answering the iron instead of the phone and burning half your face. To make matters worse, when you ran to the bathroom to put cold water on your face, you smacked into the wall and gave yourself a black eye. Keep reading »
Dear Valentino LoSauro,
I’ve been waiting for Edward Scissorhands to give me a haircut since 1990. I know you don’t look like Johnny Depp, and I don’t look that much like Winona Ryder, but I’d like you to give me a haircut with your Clawz. (I like to put “Z”s on the endz of my wordz, too!)
You’ve been quoted as saying that Clawz bring musicality to hairdressing. And you use special cutting techniques you’ve dubbed “Flight of the Bumblebee” and “Zap” and “Raking.” It’s obvious that you are a former pianist. I was a singer. We have so much in common!
Valentino, cut my hair. Zap me. Bumblebee me. Rake me. Put your Clawz all over my head. Be my hairdresser. But we can skip the blindfold.
Dear Reynaldo Nazario,
Some car thieves take an entire lifetime to accomplish what you did in less than three months — stealing 30 cars in 75 days. Your steadfast dedication to your craft has meant that you’ve spent quite a lot of time in prison — nine out of the last 10 years you’ve been locked away on charges related to car theft. But that just shows you can be dedicated and committed to something (or someone) you care about. Keep reading »
Dear Brandon Chicotsky,
Congrats on your new business venture, BaldLogo.com! I love that you turned your early onset baldness into a way to make money and bring “bald and beautiful back.” Not that it was ever out, per se. At least, not in my mind. Seriously, I think you look good, even with that logo on your head. And if I had anything to advertise (I don’t at the moment), I would definitely pay $320 a day for you to be my own personal walking billboard. Keep reading »