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The Soapbox: BDSM Is Not “Consensual Domestic Violence”

I don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post.

I really don’t want to write this post because all the ways that Slate columnist/link-baiter William Saletan is wrong about BDSM are so numerous and so glaringly inaccurate that I have half a mind not to… More »


6 Ways The New York Times (Of All Places) Got It Right About Kinky Sex

The New York Times Style section has gotten the memo: 50 Shades Of Grey is a book the ladies be readin’. Cue interviews with various and sundry New Yorkers who are involved in the kink scene, from sexual submissives to fire players. Actually, this article was written by a friend of mine namedMore »


Watch The Trailer For “Kink,” James Franco’s Documentary About BDSM Porn

When he wasn’t otherwise occupied writing poems about the president, James Franco has been busily producing a documentary about Kink.com, the premiere web site for BDSM porn. “Kink,” which is debuting now at the Sundance Film Festival, explores the production company that runs Kink.com and their film shoots in San Francisco’s Armory. Franco and his… More »


Fetishes 101: All The Basics About Having A Sexual Fetish Or Paraphilia

“I have a shopping fetish!”

“I have a total fetish for caramel-covered popcorn — it’s my favorite snack!”

“She watches the Kardashians’ shows because she has a weird Kim fetish. She’s wants to dress like her so badly.”

You’ve probably heard a comment like this at least once a… More »


Gina The Chimp Only Wants To Watch Porn (And Us Humans Are Rather Fond Of It As Well)

Sometimes I feel bad about wild animals enclosed in zoos. But I feel slightly less bad for Gina, a chimpanzee at the Seville Zoo in Spain, who spends her days watching porn on TV.

Gina’s TV has lots of different channels, but the only ones that this frisky primate watches are the ones… More »


Yes, Master! Harvard Students Now Have A BDSM Sex Club

They have the best and the brightest in the country and now they have a bondage, dominance and sadomasochism club, too.

Harvard University students are in the early stages of convening an official campus club — like, say, the school paper or the French club — centered around a shared interest in BDSM… More »


Couple Divorces Because Husband Won’t Reenact “50 Shades Of Grey”

Here’s a … unique … reason for getting a divorce: a British couple’s split has been prompted by the husband’s unwillingness to reenact the sexy sex from the BDSM erotica novel, 50 Shades Of Grey. … More »


Modern Love Tackles One Woman’s Spanking Fetish

The New York Times Style section usually emits more groans from me than cheers. Remember that piece about how bangs are “in”? And how women wear dresses? So I was ecstatic this week to see the Modern Love essay is by Jillian Keenan, a woman with a spanking fetish who is struggling to come out… More »


True Story: I Can Be A Kinky Feminist & A Messy Human Being

A few years ago ….

Today, in 2012, I avoid him as much as I can. But my friend (?) Richard used to joke (?) that I only called him when I broke up with my boyfriends. Kinda true, kinda false. Regardless — a few years ago — I don’t even call him… More »


Ms. Christian Grey? Study Tells Women To Take Charge During Sex

If you think it’s a George of the Jungle you’re looking for in the bedroom, think again. Despite our fantasies of Don Draper or Christian Grey, it’s most likely a Michael Cera type who will be able to satisfy us the most sexuallyA new Yale University study published in the Sex Roles journal (yes, that exists) found that… More »


Target Selling “American Horror Story” Rubber Man Suit This Halloween

If someone showed up at my apartment one night in the Rubber Man suit from “American Horror Story,” I would be thrilled for a kinky night of fun with Zachary Quinto or Evan Peters.  But if that night is October 31st, it’s just some fucking trick-or-treater who shopped at Target this Halloween. BUZZKILL. But, hey, the… More »


Anti-Domestic Violence Groups Protest Vogue Homme’s Choking Cover

Groups that work to eradicate domestic violence and help survivors are protesting magazine behemoth Conde Nast over the lastest cover of Vogue Hommes International, on which the cover model is being choked. Supermodel Stephanie Seymour is held from behind by hunky Marlon Teixeira, whose face is rapturous as one hand reaches around to choke her… More »


“50 Shades Of Grey” Magazine: Yeah, We Bought It & We’re Sharing the Dirty Details

Like it or not, Fifty Shades of Grey has become a bonafide global phenomenon we can’t seem to shut up about. So it’s no surprise E.L. James’ steamy series has actually inspired its very own MAGAZINE. If you’ve been to a magazine stand, you may have noticed that there’s an actual periodical devoted to all… More »


Totally Appropriate: “50 Shades of Grey” Onesies For Babies

How are babies and BDSM related, you ask? The answer is the new 50 Shades of Grey baby onesies found on Etsy.com. Your baby will be sure to turn heads wearing these white ensembles, sporting phrases like “9 months ago mommy read Fifty Shades of Grey,” or “all mommy wanted was a night with Mr. More »


5 Myths About Kinky Sex From “50 Shades Of Grey”

As someone who has identified as kinky for over a decade, both professionally and personally, I have to admit I was absolutely appalled when the 50 Shades trilogy first hit the mainstream. I read all three books, and as I read some of the myths and stereotypes, I had to do some deep breathing.

I couldn’t help thinking, “These are… More »


About Venik, That Amazing S&M-Like Spa Treatment I Got

When my friend told me that she was having her birthday party at a Russian bath house, I was expecting to do some shvitzing, swimming, and relaxing. I didn’t expect to be beaten with burning hot leaves and then dunked into a pool of freezing water by an old, fat Russian man wearing a funny… More »


NOFX’s Fat Mike Talks His BDSM Lifestyle, Persecution For Being Kinky

“I haven’t always been open but I always felt lucky that there was something in my life that I felt passionate about. I think most people don’t feel that way about sex. But yeah, I’ve had a dungeon in my house for the past 20 years. … Both me and my girlfriend [who is a dominatrix]… More »


Hotel Replaces Bedside Bibles With “50 Shades Of Grey”

Christian Grey is damn near God-like — at least according to guests’ bedside tables in The Damson Dene Hotel. Bibles have been booted and E L James’ BDSM erotica novel 50 Shades of Grey has taken their place in every room within the English inn. Damson Dene’s owner said providing a copy of the book to every… More »


The Soapbox: Misunderstanding “50 Shades” & Kink Is Hurting Those Of Us Who Practice

I haven’t exactly kept it a secret around here the way that I’m sexually wired. For the most part, though, the only person whose opinion matters on the subject is my sexual partner. (And any roommates who have to listen to occasional smacking.) Yet, every so often, BDSM — that’s bondage, dominance, sadomasochism — pops… More »


First Time For Everything: A Spanking Party

“Call me in one hour and tell me your boyfriend dumped you,” I told my girl friend as we stood outside the movie theater where we had just seen “Magic Mike.” “If the party’s weird and I want to leave, I’ll say ‘Oh my God, are you okay? I’ll come meet you!’ Got it?”
More »