For the past several months I’ve been more dissatisfied with the way I look than usual. Sorry to say, but I’ve never been particularly good at practicing radical self-love and acceptance, preferring instead to vacillate between mild self-criticism to severe self-loathing. Of late, that’s been of the physical nature — my body issues are well-documented, but oh my God, lately? I’ve been hating on my face.
My faaaaaaaace. It’s so big! There’s so much cheek! I have a huge blockhead, what the fuck? For the past six months or so, my facial self-criticism has been really especially bad. I’d look in the mirror and have weird moments of disconnection. That’s not my face? Do I really look like that? My face doesn’t make sense in its current configuration. What is that about?
But! This week, I finally solved the Great Face Caper of 2013. Keep reading »
“This is my midlife crisis, the bangs. I couldn’t get a sports car. They won’t let me bungee-jump. So instead, I cut my bangs.”
–Michelle Obama has a “Stars: they’re just like us!” moment on “The Rachael Ray Show,” revealing that, like millions of women before her, she decided to cut her bangs on her 49th birthday, in the midst of a midlife crisis. Her sassy new do appears in her latest official White House portrait, shown above. As someone who has made some really terrible hair decisions as a result of various existential crises (I once got an impulse pixie cut at a salon called “The Hack And Wack”), I applaud her restraint, and I think she looks great. [People]
Kim Kardashian must have seen yesterday’s “What Are We Wearing Today” video, because she ran out and got her bangs cut just like mine and Rose Byrne’s. Despite the obvious copycatting, I think her hair looks so fresh and youthful — but I suppose whether she keeps the fringe all depends on what Kanye thinks, huh? [Photo: Splash News]
Finally, a major positive improvement on the fringe front! Jessica Biel trimmed up her sheepdog bangs into something shorter and choppier, and they look infinitely better. Was this mod, ’60s-ish vibe what she was going for all along? It’s very Jane Birkin and, as with all things Birkin-esque, I strongly approve … and she looks pretty psyched about it as well, no? Lots of success on the outfit front, too! Looking good, Jessica, looking good. [Photo: Will Alexander/WENN.com]
Not sure if you saw this, but according to The New York Times, the totally on-top-of-it purveyors of the latest and coolest fashion and style trends, there’s a new hairstyle that’s been making waves. It’s called bangs. Have you heard of them? They sweep across your forehead and can cover between a third and one-half of your ugly face! They’re so handy and versatile, but also so fraught!
As darling Stephanie Rosenbloom cautions in her 1,000 word missive on the subject:
“Superthick bangs look great, and everyone wants them right now,” said the stylist Alan Tosler, a founder of the Tosler Davis salon in New York. “But if you have a cowlick in your hairline, they will not work. Or if you’ve got a superlow hairline.”
Or, if you are a monkey or some other kind of simian, and your entire body is covered in hair. Then bangs will absolutely not work. Keep reading »