Wouldn’t it be nice if we could ascertain whether someone will suck in the sack before, you know, having sex with them? That’s where I come in! Hindsight is 20/20, which means I can look back on some of the bad sex I’ve had and recognize that there were glaring warning signs well before the clothes came off. These are not hard and fast rules, of course, but more often than not, these seven things are glaring red flags that the dude you’re considering humping is going to be a total dud.
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I’m not going to lie. Women are a fickle sort. When it comes to sex, some women like this, some women like that, and some women don’t know what the hell they want. One thing we are sure of, though, is if you’re BAD in bed — at least, in our opinion. Maybe it’s us. Maybe it’s you. But if the sparks aren’t flying when we’re banging, it could be because we think you don’t have what it takes in the bedroom. What’s up with that? Listen here, dudes. In this long-awaited new episode of Funny Girl Sex Guide, I review five of the reasons why we think you don’t cut it.
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Meet our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email it to email@example.com and we’ll make sure he gets it! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year. I love her a whole bunch, but the glaring hole in our relationship is our sex life. We started off having sex almost every time we saw each other. Now, sex has become this very sad, mechanical practice that occurs very seldom. Keep reading »
Like me, you’ve probably seen sex on screen in a movie from behind the room divider Mom thought didn’t have any cracks in it. Heh heh, Mom. So naive. Being the sexual expert you therefore are, you never need to Google tips on how to be a better lover, but know this! There are numerous websites out there with articles dedicated to making your groin into a combination circus/amusement park/Taco Bell. Is it possible that a hastily made article of numbered points could ever be educational? Who even writes like that? The answer, of course, is I don’t know. This article is more concerned with tips from sites that seem like maybe they were written by people who have never seen good sex through a room divider crack and are therefore unequipped to even hope to tell you how to be a better lover at all. Read more on Cracked…
You’ve walked innocently past issues of Cosmopolitan magazine a thousand times, every time you’ve checked out at a grocery store. If you glanced at the covers then you know it’s all about sex, and helping girls bring out the sexual animal in their man.
But littered amongst their mildly kinky and often impractical advice (“wear a wet t-shirt to bed!”) you get horrifying tips that border on genital mutilation.
Think we’re kidding? As we speak, Cosmo is advising women to… Keep reading »
Sex is weird for guys. We have simple tastes and simple needs that seem to require minimal upkeep. Hell, for that matter, we barely require attention or even presence. Most men could have sex inside our local zoo’s poisonous snake exhibit and not give it a second thought until after the orgasm, when we’re prying puff adders off of our balls and screaming for antivenom. From this perspective, it’s almost impossible for us to understand it when a woman loses the mood. How? What’s wrong with her? Is she a prude?
Before we go jumping to that conclusion, it’s probably best to first turn those accusations inward. Because until you learn these basics, there’s a good chance she’s going to run out of excuses and just fake her own death to avoid your dong. Read more…
My sister introduced me to the guy I’ve been dating for some months now. Our relationship could be summarized in two simple statements:
When I first saw him, my heart skipped a beat.
When he stuffed his tongue in my mouth, my eye twitched. Keep reading »
Ladies, put down those books and pick up … well, don’t pick anything up. Just lay down. A recent study by a German lifestyle website found that smart chicks are less likely to enjoy sex! Sixty-two percent of women with university or higher education degrees reported difficulties achieving orgasm, compared with just 34 percent of non-degree holding women. Darn it! Had I known my path to a great sex life would be blocked by those damn literary classics and huge texts books, I would’ve just gotten my GED and called it a day. Keep reading »
Let’s be honest: sex is not always the softly focused oxytocin bath that Cosmopolitan magazine spreads make it out to be. Sometimes sex is a romp on dirty sheets with a grabby guy who’s got terrible body odor and zero condoms.
But hey, bad sex is still sex. And if you are horny as we are at The Frisky, you’ll take the bull by the horns anyway because you know there’s a way to troubleshoot most any sexual snaffoo. I am not a sex therapist, but I am a woman who’s has wide variety of sex with a decent number of dudes and have encountered all these problems. (For more in-depth sexual troubleshooting, I recommend the kickass sex guide, Guide To Getting It On.)
After the jump, a thorough, honest (and heteronormative, cause I’m a straight lady who sleeps with dudes) guide to troubleshooting bad sex.
Keep reading »