Tag Archives: bad ideas

Thanks But No Thanks — You Can Keep Your Butt-Shaped Nail Polish Bottles

Pastel Nail Polish
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Matching Lips And Nails
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Why would anybody want a bottle of nail polish shaped like a butt? And yet! The people behind Bootie Babe nail polish believe that you will get over your cognitive dissonance and purchase an ass-shaped bottle of nail polish. They come in colors like “Hella Hiney” (that’s a lovely cerulean blue, in case you were wondering) and “Red Riding Hump” (red, natch). What nail polish and butts have to do with each other, may we hopefully never ever find out.

Stephen Colbert Has A Great Plan For Sweden’s Twitter Account

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So maybe you’ve heard about Sweden’s weird Twitter experiment, wherein they’re allowing perfectly average Swedish citizens to take over the country’s Twitter account for a week at a time. The nation’s current national Twitterer is a woman named Sonja, who seems mildly obsessed with Hitler and Jews and “The Little Mermaid.” Don’t believe us? Check out this Tweet…

Keep reading »

Bad Ideas: A Fragrance Reality TV Show

MacBook Perfume
Yep, it's a thing. Read More »
Swallow This Perfume
swollable perfume
Edible fragrances will make your sweat smell sweet! Read More »

People, I will watch a reality TV show about pretty much anything, because I like to see strangers competing. I also like to hear people arguing and I love the ubiquitous phrase “throw me under the bus.” But even that will not get me to watch a show about people competing to make a perfume.

And yet! The production company RealityReal is seeking a top perfumer to star in its new program about perfumers seeking to produce a new signature scent. This won’t work for a number of reasons, namely, Smell-O-Vision doesn’t exist, and watching people talk about what things smell like isn’t that interesting.

Most likely, the show won’t get made, because perfume all looks the same and it’s a dumb idea. There, I said it. But if you want to watch something exciting about perfume, watch the movie “Perfume,” it’s amazing. [Racked]

Get The Bejeezus Scared Out Of You On The “Saw” Cruise

A Cougar Cruise
Cougars hit the high seas! Read More »

Do you like the thrill of the open water? Enjoy the luxuries of cruising on the open seas? Love living in fear for your life? Then perhaps the Carnival Cruise Lines “Saw” cruise is for you?

Yes, after the spate of music-themed cruises (Weezer cruise, anyone?), the marketing geniuses over at Carnival have come up with a “Saw”-themed cruise. “During this amazing cruise, you will be able to party with the “SAW” Stars and meet other fans who love “SAW” just like you!” announces the press release. “You will attend fantastic pool and dance parties, question and answer sessions and many special events.”

Presumably those “special events” will include murder and torture porn. But will Jigsaw be there? That’s what we really want to know. [Slash Film]

You’re The Worst: Jessi Arrington Uses Kickstarter To Throw Herself A Digustingly Twee Birthday Party

Hey, you know what? Kickstarter is super cool and great for stuff like supporting grassroots projects, films and businesses. You know what it’s not for? THROWING YOURSELF A GODDAMN BIRTHDAY PARTY. But yet! That’s exactly what some crapster named Jessi Arrington is manipulating Kickstarter for. She wants to throw “the world’s largest rainbow parade” (these are the goals our helicopter parents dreamed we would shoot for, guys), which basically involves party goers dressing up in monochromatic clothing of different colors and uh, you know, lining up like a freaking rainbow. Keep reading »

Bad Ideas: There Is A Chinese Sunglasses Company Called Helen Keller

Look, I can’t even pretend like I can read Mandarin or Cantonese. All I know is that I was scanning a story on the English-language website China Daily and there was an ad for a company called Helen Keller on the bottom, so of course I clicked on it. Helen Keller, it seems, is a very poorly named eyewear company in China. I mean, you just don’t name your company after America’s most famous blind deaf mute, do you now? [Helen Keller]

Do Not Want: Feathered Sunglasses

Do Not Want: Pants
Ugh, these evil genie pants are horrible. Read More »
Do Not Want: Keychain
A keychain...that comes with keys. Dumb. Read More »
Do Not Want: Stockings
These stockings give us the creepy-crawlies. Read More »

I am a huge fan of bold sunglasses. In fact, I have a few pairs in my personal collection that even Snooki might think were a bit much. But these — which are basically a pile of skulls and feathers glued to the top of a pair of specs that were not that cute in the first place — kind of make my heart hurt. My head too, because those suckers can’t be light. And my wallet, most of all, because their original price was a cool $350. Ouch. [$175 on sale, Karmaloop]

Fake Doctor Injected Woman’s Butt With Cement And Super Glue

Botched Plastic Surgery
plastic surgery
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Plastic Surgery Regrets
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Ladies, if you insist on getting plastic surgery, please make sure that your doctor is properly licensed and legit. Because unfortunately, there are predatory fake doctors out there, and they will put some crazy things up your butt if you let them. Like transgendered woman Oneal Ron Morris (pictured), who for the low, low, low price of $700 offered one woman a butt implant. Sure, said the as-yet-unidentified victim, who probably looked at Morris’ own very large derriere and liked the results. Keep reading »

We’re Breaking Up: You Showed Up At The Club In A Baby Tee

Dear Boyfriend,

You already don’t have a job, don’t pay the bills, and don’t take me out — which makes you a metaphorical baby. So when you went out and bought this asinine baby body tee from Fred Flare and wore your baby-ness on your sleeve, I reached my friggin’ limit. Don’t Captain my Tenille, I know what’s up. You are never going to grow up. Never. Leave my house keys on the table. Smell you and your pet ferret later. We’re breaking up!

Toodles!

Julie Keep reading »

Steve Buscemi Is Staring … On Your Chest

I know you’re always thinking about how you don’t see enough of esteemed character actor Steve Buscemi. Us, too. That’s why we’re over the moon about this Steve Buscemi graphic print dress from designer James Lillis. You’ve always wanted Buscemi’s eyes on your boobs, after all. You’re weird like that. [Black Milk, $100] Keep reading »

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