If I wanted advice on how to have a successful marriage, I would not personally turn to “Real Housewife of New Jersey” Melissa Gorga, who is married to Teresa Giudice’s brother Joe. But apparently others would, as Melissa is the author of a new relationship advice book called Love Italian Style. Jezebel got their hands on a copy and report that it’s essentially a guide to submitting to your husband’s every whim, including sexually, to keep him happy, regardless of your own needs and desires. If you’ve watched “The Real Housewives of New Jersey,” you’re familiar with Joe Gorga’s sex drive, which seems to be a talking point on nearly every episode. Melissa’s book reveals how she keeps her husband sexually satisfied and advises other women to follow her lead. The jist? ”Husbands want their wives to submit; wives want our husbands to dominate.” Oh, do continue with the generalizations, Melissa! Keep reading »
I’ve read a lot of letters asking for advice. Some of them are weird, like the woman who asked Slate’s Dear Prudence if she should date the guy who sniffed her sweaty bicycle seat at the gym. I vote for NO. Some of them are soul-stirring. Check out Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice On Love And Life from Dear Sugar if you haven’t already. I cried my way through it. Sometimes I agree with the advice and sometimes I don’t. That’s to be expected. But I think I stumbled upon what might be the saddest advice exchange ever. A woman whose boyfriend finds her vagina “repulsive” wrote in to the Guardian:
“My boyfriend of three years has never actively looked at my vagina or shown the slightest interest in it other than the usual foreplay. He performs oral sex occasionally but always under the darkness of the duvet and has admitted he doesn’t find vaginas particularly attractive, joking that mine is especially repulsive…”
Three years!? This poor woman. I’m no professional, but I feel like I know exactly what she should do: DUMP HIM RIGHT NOW. I mean, is there any other option? No one deserves to be with someone who finds their genitals repulsive. After the jump, check out the AWFUL advice this woman was given. Keep reading »
There have been many terrible songs, poems, and movies made about love, but a surprisingly small number of Cracked articles. Today, I intend to fill that void. Come with me as I seek the most accurate definition for this thing that makes the world go ’round. Spoiler alert: “A thing that makes the world go ’round” is a bad definition for love.
#5. Love Means Never Having to Say You’re Sorry: When we were very small or when our parents were a little bigger than very small, there was a very famous book and movie called “Love Story.” Think of it as the Titanic of the early ’70s. Read more on Cracked…
We all want to be successful, but things like tyrannical bosses, stapler-stealing co-workers and the statistical impossibility of every single person being a CEO keep bringing us down. So we try to balance the scales by following the advice of self-help books or motivational guides — sure, a lot of those things are probably bullshit, but it can’t hurt to give them a try, right?
Actually, yes. Yes, it can hurt, because several of the “tips” that you’d expect to help you are actually messing you up. It turns out you’re not a success because you do things like … Read more…
We get it. Guys are tough to figure out: There’s like 24 possible combinations that you can make with 1) beer 2) food 3) sex and 4) sports. No wonder their girlfriends have to resort to lady magazines to gain insight into the buzzing hive that is the male mind. We know most women laugh that stuff off as cheap entertainment not to be taken seriously, but what if they actually did listen to all of the advice?
It’d pretty much turn into a nightmare of paranoia and petty revenge. After all, according to various Cosmo articles…
#7: He Shares the Details of His Day, Therefore He Must Be Hiding Something
Men just aren’t as communicative as women, especially when they’re stressed. So, let’s say a guy makes a conscious decision to share more. That’s solid advice, no matter the source. When she asks him about his day, instead of just saying, “fine,” he can tell her in detail about his argument with Sarah, the lady from HR. Read more…
One blogger believes he has just written the 10 commandments of texting. Posted on his site, Dating Advice For Men Who Love Women, dating coach Rob Judge’s “10 Best Texts To Send Hot Girls … of ALL TIME” has been “liked” by 377 people and counting. Some of his highly recommended texts include:
10. The Romantic Commando: “Haha its stormy.. wish you were here to cuddle under a blanket, drink wine and watch a Rambo movie.”
7. The Aristocrat: ”In the penthouse, sipping aged Scotch, thinking of you.”
2. The Baby Maker: ”What are you feelings on having a lovechild?”
Keep reading »
In my life, I’ve received enough bad advice to print out and gift wrap Mount Everest. Everyone is quick to offer it, regardless of whether you asked or not … and with so much coming in, it’s hard to separate genuine wisdom from verbal toilet paper. The problem is that you won’t ever know the answer to that until your problem is over, when you can say, “OK, Chad was right. Punching a bull in the nuts isn’t a good idea.” Or, “Greg is full of shit. Punching them more only made him angrier.”
I’ve, admittedly, never been an authority on advice, but what I can do is warn you who to be wary of. Read more…
Sorry, single people, this week’s column is for lovers only. Now that those lonely people are gone, hold that lover close and enjoy 50 highlights from three romantic books that offer tips for every day of the year: 365 Ways to KISS Your Love, 365 Great Ways to Say I Love You, and 365 Ways to be Romantic by everyone’s favorite human dispenser of castration chemicals — Godek. Warning: romance books are not good. Your reproductive systems are about to crawl out and run straight away from this page. Keep reading »
The good thing about being single is that people are usually pretty willing to talk about your romantic life, because, let’s face it, it’s probably more entertaining than that of your seriously coupled-up friends.
The bad news? Sometimes, people will want to talk about your love life regardless of whether or not you’re in the mood to talk about it. And they will have opinions. And questions. And if you’re single for long enough, a lot of these are gonna start sounding the same… Keep reading »
Last week, guys were schooled on how to snag a girl by following the great advice in movies. This week, we decided to do you ladies a favor and show you just how easy it is to land the guy of your dreams. All you have to do is fail math, get a makeover, play the drums, date within your family or, uh, lie about your age, your job or who you are. Easy, right? Keep reading »