The Australian government apparently has some issues with a woman’s “down under.” The Classification Board for the country’s smut industry is working on banning porn that includes female ejaculation and/or small breasts. The censors are trying to block any websites that include or link to material that include these particular “offenders.” Customs officials are also being advised to confiscate any pornography that has instances of female ejaculation. So, I guess now would be an ideal time to look into becoming an Australian Customs Official since screening smut could be part of your job description? But this is not the most outrageous element of this new ban—what’s worse is the reasoning.

Watch out Tom Cruise. The Australian government might try to declassify Scientology as a religion and reclassify it as a criminal organization. In a speech he gave to the Aussie Senate on Tuesday night, Senator Nick Xenophon claimed that the church was guilty of torture, forced imprisonment, and coerced abortion, embezzlement and blackmail. He unearthed letters from an ex-Scientologist, which detailed abuse and violence that happened within the religion, and said that horrors such as forced confinement, torture and abortion, were ordered. 

Australians Courtney and Amelia Prentice—19-year-old twins who look like bad-ass versions of Lauren Conrad—used to be part of an all-girl gang that spent a lot of time getting drunk and roaming the streets looking for fights. Last year, the group encountered two chicks on the beach and beat the crap out of them, knocking them to the ground, punching them, and yelling “Stab them! Stab them!” repeatedly before taking all their money. When the police rolled up at the twins’ house to arrest them, one of the girls punched an officer, so the whole arrest had to go down at gunpoint. Still, this week in court, the girls were sentenced to 18 months of probation instead of jail time. Why couldn’t the judge stick them with a worse punishment? Because the twins looks so darn much alike, no one could tell “who did what” during the fight. Ditto for the punching of the police officer.

So, People has spoken, and they’ve chosen “Australia” star Hugh Jackman as 2008’s “Sexiest Man Alive.” Jackman certainly is a hot piece—we like the tan, rugged look he sports in the movie—and he has that magical ability to play fey just as well as he plays macho. The proof is in the “The Boy From Oz.” The rest of the list is equally as smoking, featuring everyone from Blair Underwood to Jon Hamm. Still, if you had the power to vote, who would you have chosen as “Sexiest Man Alive”?

Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman appeared on “Oprah” yesterday to promote their epic love story “Australia”, directed by Baz Luhrman, out Thanksgiving weekend. One of the most interesting moments came when Nicole described how intently she devotes herself to portraying a love story, implying that during those moments in filming that she tries to actually feel in love with her co-star, only to drop the emotion once the camera stops. Clip above, and after the jump, the full “Australia” trailer.

• George Clooney’s character in “Burn After Reading” is a sex addict. The sex toys from the movie are now selling out in stores. [NY Post]
• Dylan McKay will not be returning to Beverly Hills. Though he’s been asked to make an appearance on the new “90210,” Luke Perry won’t reprise the role. Move on, Kelly. [E Online]

If I could still do a cartwheel without hurting myself, I would.  Just watching Shawn Johnson do those amazing gymnastic-tastic moves at the Olympics made me hearken back to a time when I would spend recess walking on my hands without worrying that my shirt was covering my face instead of my mosquito bites.  Sigh, those were the days. But sadly, a grade school in Australia has banned “dangerous” cartwheels and handstands in an attempt to avoid injuries. Needless to say, parents are baffled and kids are bummed.  What’s next: banning writing because it could cause carpal tunnel? Outlawing hopscotch because you could sprain your ankle?

The mayor of Mount Isa, a mining town in Australia, is encouraging women with sub-par looks to move to the area, because he thinks they’ll find happiness there. According to Reuters, the mayor was quoted in the Townsville Bulletin last week, saying of Mount Isa, “Quite often you will see walking down the street a lass who is not so attractive with a wide smile on her face. Whether it is recollection of something previous or anticipation for the next evening, there is a degree of happiness.” Supposedly, the town, famous for cowboys and mining, lead, silver, copper, and zinc, has a shortage of women, with just one for every five men there. The mayor seems to think that less pretty women would do well there with less competition, and men would be happy with them, because they don’t have any other options. And, even if this is true, neither side (the Mount Isa men or the less-beautiful women there) wants to agree with him. Mount Isa’s council members and chamber of commerce have been swamped with phone calls from men and women complaining about the mayor’s comments, but he refuses to apologize. [Reuters]

We dream of going to Australia, so it was awfully nice that reader Kelsey sent us this photo from Watson’s Bay. [Photo: Kelsey Wesson]

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.

Want to be wrinkle-free with a rack like casaba melons?  You could be pretty forever, thanks to the fountain of youth that are stems cells. Australia just lifted its ban on cloning embryos in the hopes that this research will have many cosmetic, and not just medical, benefits.  In the U.S., the National Cancer Institute has focused its attention and money on finding a way breasts can be regrown from fat tissue and in Japan, this method has already seen some success. But the promises don’t stop at boobs—in addition, stem cells will be able to help you regrow your own teeth, hair, and skin. Unfortunately for Donatella Versace, the research is just beginning and conclusive findings, not to mention available benefits, won’t be available for awhile. [ABC News]

A study conducted by author Joan Sauers for her new book, Sex Lives of Australian Women, found that 20 percent of Australian women have admitted to having a sexual encounter in an internet chatroom. “As a society, we increasingly rely on technology to get the job done, whatever the job is,” she writes in the book. Along with internet sex, women are also into text and webcam sex. About 70 percent of women in their 20s had engaged in sexual text message exchanges, and 22 percent had been filmed while having sex. But most weren’t too happy with the videos and were less than satisfied with their screen presence. “It was fine, but to tell you the truth ... watching it again was hilarious ... not erotic ... my arse was NOT ever meant to be on a tape,” said one 33 year old. Now, how have you incorporated technology into your sex life? [Sify]

The Australian man who said he was going to auction off everything in his life, including a few friends, after a bad breakup opened up bids on eBay yesterday. The reserve price was $500,000, but bidding has gone as high as $2.2 million. This guy will probably make a huge profit on his possessions, and he’s also in a new relationship. Perhaps more people should try this technique when they’re having trouble getting over a breakup and new a new lease on life. [The West Australian]

Previously: Life For Sale

Cougar, spinster, playgirl, bachelorette. So many slang terms all mean the same thing: a single gal who lives on her own and on her own terms, like Kylie Minogue (chart topping dance hits and spandex booty shorts not required). But a new word has been coined in the U.K. and Australia: “freemale”. A freemale is a woman who stays single and only uses her vajane as an in-door for sex, not as an out-door for babies. The colloquialism, which has just washed up on our shores, is a mix of freedom and female, two words which should go hand in hand already. But what the new lingo “freemale” is actually is doing is taking away an inherent quality of being a woman and being an individual, choice. “Freemale” is making it seem as though women with families didn’t choose that life for themselves. Or, worse yet, we aren’t doing our own thing if we’re just “female.” How does being in a relationship with a man only qualify you as a woman? That’s just major misogynistic BS. Especially as the number of women, 25 to 44, who fit the definition of “freemale” has doubled to nearly 700,000 over the past 20 years. So, while the intention to popularize the Destiny’s Child style Independent Woman movement is good, the terminology could still use a little work.

Kylie Minogue, who just turned the big 4-0 last week, has made women want to wear more spandex, sing at the top of their lungs, and dance like there’s no tomorrow. She’s beaten breast cancer and has also proved that Billboard hits aren’t the only charts she’s been affecting. Since openly talking about her battle with breast cancer in 2005, the Australian medical establishment is crediting her with a 33% spike in mammograms for women between the ages of 25 and 44. (If only gay men could get their moobs screened, you know the numbers would have skyrocketed!) [CBC News]

FHM magazine in Australia conducted an online poll of 57,000 men, and 28 percent of them said they hoped to marry a virgin, while 41 percent wanted to marry women who had five sexual partners or fewer. The survey respondents were mostly college-educated, employed men in their late 20s, which makes me wonder, if Australian men between age 30 and 39 have slept with an average of 9.5 women, how can they expect there to be any virgins left? They’re not helping their own cause. Dr. Gail Hawkes, a sexuality expert at the University of New England said, “You would not be surprised if we saw that in 1960, not 2008.” We couldn’t agree more. [Sydney Morning Herald]

Australia has always seemed like a cool place to me, and now, in the gay community, it’s going to be a little bit more awesome (but just a little). The government said today that it plans to remove discrimination against same-sex couples from 100 or so laws. Under the proposed changes, gay couples in long-term relationships will be treated the same as other couples, as far as taxation, welfare and employment entitlements, and other areas, Attorney General Robert McClelland said. However, there are no plans to allow same-sex marriages. Come on, mate, why not? [Bloomberg]